A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:12 days post BU and I feel so terrible. I broke it off with him, after being together almost 5 years. He was mistreating me and just wasn't good for me in any way. I went straight into blocking/deleting him from everywhere and have been NC since.I feel like it's getting worse everyday. I feel sadder now than I did last week. I broke it off last year, for the same reasons, and we were broken up for almost 4 months. The entire time he contacted me begging me for another chance. During that bu, I was moving along alright but this one is not going as well. I feel so empty inside. I work from home so that leaves me with a lot of time to think. I look out the window and see the sun shining and wonder what he's doing, or if he'll be doing it with someone else. God, this hurts like hell. But I have no other choice. I can't make someone love me. :(I'm sick right now, too, so I think that's one reason I feel so crappy and am extra emotional at the moment. I just want to stop feeling. I want to think about him and feel nothing. He was the first man I've ever fallen in with. I feel like I'm stuck in this glass cage so tightly that I can't move, all I can do is watch as the world, everything around me, goes on as normal. I can't even explain how I feel. I've broken up with people in my life, and it hurt, but I've never experienced a heartache like this. I've went through a divorce and it was nothing compared to the pain I feel right now. It almost feels like you're dying a slow painful death and there's no way to stop it. Please tell me it will be okay. Please tell me this pain will stop. :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2015): OP here. It's been the hardest thing I've ever went through. I've cried everyday, except for yesterday. Today is his birthday so I'm about to bawl my eyes out typing this. I love this man so much but he doesn't feel the same about me anymore. That's the hardest part of it all, that what we once had that was so amazing and passionate will never happen again. I'm alive right now and that's about all I can say for the moment. Thanks so much for all the kind words everyone. xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2015): Hi OP.
Just want to know how you are doing.
Hope you are ok and can post an update soon.
xo
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 March 2015):
 Yes the pain will stop. BUT it's so slow and so subtle that you won't even really notice it starting to stop until it's almost done...
The reason you hurt more this time is you have wisely gone NC and you know that is' over and done for real this time and you are hurting and mourning and that is JUST FINE.
Here is how it went for me.
I woke up and thought of him
I brushed my teeth and thought of him
EVERYTHING I did I thought of him.
Then one day weeks later I woke up and didn't think of him till I brushed my teeth. Didn't even realize i had not thought of him first thing. He was still on my mind all the time and I still missed him and it hurt.
then one day I didn't think of him till I was in the shower.
then one day a few weeks later I didn't think of him till I was in the car driving to work.
and so on and so on until eventually I laid down in bed to go to sleep and I thought of him and realized it was the first time that day I had thought of him and I knew I was healing.
it takes a lot of time.
my friends and I always say "you have 6 weeks to feel miserable, to eat ice cream and not wear makeup and cry all the time" AFTER 6 weeks you have to get on with life whether you want to or not.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 March 2015):
 Hey there, friend. Let me tell you this .. I used to come on this site all the time and give advice regularly. About six months ago, I went through the most painful breakup with the person I thought was the absolute love of my life. After that? I pretty much stopped everything, including coming on this site, and went into hiding. I threw myself into school and work and let everything else in my life fade away. I recall feeling EXACTLY as you do. I'd sit and look outside and feel dread. Just this pure, awful, sickening dread. The only time I didn't feel sick was when I was laying down for bed. But I'd wake up in the morning to that sickening feeling all over again. I'd experienced heartache and loss from a breakup before, but this was something completely different. I sincerely wondered if I'd ever be okay again .. I was.
It took a lot longer than I would have liked for it to, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, but I'm okay now. I promise you, it does get better. Even when you swear that it won't and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, just keep reminding yourself this is only temporary. You will not feel this way forever. And just keep plugging along. I'm living proof it does get better. Just hang on to those words, no matter how hard and impossible it feels now.
Good luck to you and I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): Yes, it will get better. The fact you work from home keeps you cooped-up with your problems. You are correct that you may be feeling crappier than usual; because of any other illness you may have right now. You are feeling depressed and that directly effects your overall health. It is time to go see your doctor.
If you aren't getting sleep, and spending too much time without getting out; you will lower your immune system, and your health will deteriorate. You still have to eat and rest properly. Part of feeling better is not giving into the misery. You have to force yourself to enjoy music, get some exercise, and reach-out to friends and family for comfort.
Oh boy, do I know how you're feeling right now!!! I wrote some articles about on DC about my feelings and encouraged others.
Keep a journal. Write your feelings down, but at the same time; fight with all your might not to give-in to the depression. You must see a doctor when you get too emotionally over-whelmed. You are feeling grief, just as if a love-one passed-away. You relationship died.
You'll have good days and bad days. You'll be up one minute, and down the next. Worrying about what he's doing means you're not taking care of yourself, you're letting jealousy feed you a load of bullsh*t. What he's doing now is none of your business. Don't feed yourself nonsense about not finding love again, you have to put the drama-queen in the backseat; when she tries to take the steering wheel. She'll drive you off a cliff like Thelma and Louise. Get a grip, girlfriend! "Fasten your seat-belt, it's going to be bumpy ride!" Been there and done that. I got over it too! So will you! I know that sh*tty feeling!
You've fought your way back before, but I think being sick is just adding to your ongoing misery from the breakup.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): I am very sorry you are going through this. I have gone through it myself. I do empathize deeply. You are not alone. I felt like I was dying a very slow death. As if I was sinking in quick sand and there was nothing anybody could do or say to save me. I just wanted to drown. Retreat from the world. Be numb. Hide. Be burned by the flames. I wished more than anything that HE could come and SAVE me. Being held in his arms was the only thing I wanted in that moment. During all those long, dark nights where I would stay up crying. I just wanted to be with him. I knew he was poison to me and I knew I had to let him go. I guess it is like giving up a drug that is bad for you but in some way it was giving you pleasure and good feelings about yourself. So you miss that hit. That dose of pleasure that he gave you. But remember the pain surpassed the pleasure. He was hurting you too much so you needed to let him go. You made the right choice but that doesn't mean it isn't the hardest thing you have ever done. Hard choices usually hurt the most. And not everybody has the strength to make them so I respect your strength! You should be proud of yourself. What I also noticed is that the whole wide world was going on like it went on every day and yet here I was struggling to get by. Getting out of bed was only the beginning. I couldn't even do that. It felt like everybody else was happy and I was devastated and suffering all alone. All my friends were happy. The lives of everyone continued the same. Except for me. How hard it was having to continue doing what you have to do everyday like drive your son to school, go grocery shopping, attend fitness classes, go for dinner at your parents... I had a hard time putting on my public face. When I was in the grocery store, I just broke down crying in the middle of the chip aisle. Of course I needed chips to help ease my pain. Even if only for the moment. People were looking at me and I tried but just could not control my devastation. You try so hard to appear together when all you want to do is be left alone so that you can fall apart. You need to fall apart before you can be whole again. It is all part of the grieving and healing process. Very similar to the death of a loved one. You are grieving his loss in your life. He was a big part of it and you shared a lot during your time together. You have a big heart and you loved with all of it. Your big heart is going to hurt for a little while. You have to let the pain tear you apart and go through you like a freight train, over and over again, until that train stops and you and you can get off and breathe again. You will. I did.There is a lot of turmoil now and pain but eventually in your own time you will find peace. You will start to feel good again. You will notice the sun outside your window and smile and think it's a new day and you have your whole life ahead of you. I's a new beginning with so much promise and experiences coming your way. You will embrace them. One day you will look back and you will be thankful for your choice and one day you will meet a man who treats you right and you will see why this had to happen. It is the path to happiness for you. The path to the person who is meant to love you the way you deserve. Hang in there. Let it out. Cry. Retreat. If you can, talk to someone close to you. Getting your feelings out and having support is so important. It will help you fee better and more reassured about your decision.You will be okay! Promise!All you need is a little time. You will see. 12 days it is still very raw and cuts deep. You are thinking about him because you still love him. And you miss him. Just because you break up does not mean the love stops suddenly. Or that your feelings fade magically. Within about another month you will see the healing process taking effect. And you will take what you have learned from this experience into future relationships. I think heartbreaks mature us and make us wiser.There is a beautiful song by Rascal Flats you should listen to. It will make you cry more but it explains the grieving process when you go through the end of a relationship. It's called "Let it Hurt."BIG HUGS. :)
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2015):
 Really, and I mean this, the pain will stop and it WILL get better. You did the right thing and are doing it in the right way, no contact. Your being sick surely isn't helping the situation that's for sure. Go ahead and cry. Eat your favorite ice cream. Go get a new hair style. Stay busy and occupied. I promise you will feel better just relax and let it happen. So sorry you have to go through this but most people do, sooner or later.
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