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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Help,I can't fantasise anymore.My husband makes me climax evertime during sex using his tongue, hands and also through penetration alone. It's mindblowing and I couldn't ask for more. However, I used to be able to imagine all sorts of random erotic encounters with other women or with strangers and they used to excite me while I masturbated.But now when I masturbate, there's nothing going on upstairs. One time, I was literally planning my day while rubbing away! It felt nice but it was a bit ... flat and mechanical. My question is two-fold. Should I be worried that my old fantasies no longer turn me on when I'm on my own? How can I get my self-loving mojo back?Ps. I'm happy with the amount of sex we have so that's not the problem. I masturbate to help me sleep every night so I do go solo perhaps more than average. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2015):
 OP I am bisexual and while I am madly in love with my spouse and will not see others women included) I do miss the "girl play"
when I have a fantasy it's usually a threesome with my spouse and another woman (random, stranger, or other wise after all it's a FANTASY)....
The fact that you dont' think about women probably has to do with your feelings for your partner. Love is funny that way...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): Sorry for the typos! Predictive text isn't exactly the bees knees ;-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): Op here,
Thanks for the responses guys. I guess I should add more detail.
Honeybee ; I have trouble sleeping so much so that I sometimes lie in bed for hours waiting to fall asleep. I don't really want to take any medication if I can help it. Orgasming seems to do the trick. It's been like that for years. That's why I can't really stop.
Brownwolf; While it is mind blowing, doing it 7 nights a week is simply not feasible. Sometimes he's not in the mood / tired sometimes I'm not in the mood ;-) In this case, I masturbate purely to induce sleep.
Soveryconfused; I do fantasise about him,and that does get me off. But the thing is I am bisexual and I used fantasise about women with no problem. Now it's like that switch has been turned off. He knows I find women attractive and that I've dated women and he doesn't see it as a problem if I fantasise about them. It's normal that he's the only man I can fantasise about but I do find it hard to explain that I can't fantasise about women anymore since they have bits that he doesn't have.
Janniepeg; I have dabbled in porn (made by female directors for women where the actresses were conconsenting, paid and 'respected) but I don't really want to support that industry. Reading literotica can be tedious if you have to read something erotic Every night.
Thanks a lot for your help. I hope with the added info you might have other perspectives to share. My inability to fantasise about women anymore doesn't stress me out. I'm just curious why it happened and if I can go back to the way It was. Ps. I can still get turned on when I see a beautiful woman out and about so I don't think it's my sexualité that has changed.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (25 March 2015):
If your husband blows your mind...why do you need to fantasize? Would it be okay with you if you knew your husband was fantasizing about other women?
You have the real thing right there, and you turn to your hand? Interesting. Have sex every night before you go to sleep...I am sure he would love it more than your hand would. :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 March 2015):
I knew it was love when my fantasies started involving my spouse....
does thinking about sex with him help?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 March 2015):
 Maybe take a break from the "self-loving" ? You have been conditioning yourself for a long time, so maybe skipping it will fire up the imagination.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (25 March 2015):
 It happens to people when the effort to have an orgasm is not worth it. Naturally people just stop it and wait until they miss sex one day. A ritual is what one does every day without fail. Sex is one of those things where people have to dial up the excitement each time and one day you run out of fantasies. I do find that porn helps me. I am more visual than I like to read. Although no porn is ever new to me anymore it does help me get the arousal I need. I don't need porn but I can achieve orgasm that way if I want to.
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