A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 25 and im 47. my son is 27, I initially could not believe a guy younger than my son would be interested in me... but I have looked after my figure. We have a mind blowing relationship and both his and my parents have no problems... my son is the only one that is not happy but respects my decision in life. How should I deal with this? For the first time ever I am now truly happy and so much in love... my boyfriend and I are at the place where we may want to become more physical and express our love through sex… two issues are concerning me. Should I solve the issue with my son before my boyfriend and I have sex? How can I get the issue involving my son out of my head to enjoy sex with my boyfriend?I am not used to considering sex with someone who is younger than my son. Do you think it is ok? Any thing to consider? Do you think it can be good for both of us and our relationship? Any tips for making it good for both of us?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): While I think it's important to consider your son's feelings and everything, I have to say it's not his business. Who you find attractive and become romantically interested in are not his concern.
I also think that all this talk about how you and your beau could never work because of the age gap is silly.
Do you get along?
Do you like each other's company?
Are you both comfortable with the age gap?
Those three things are most important. It isn't about what your son thinks, what anyone thinks, except for you and the man you're dating. Remember that you are the people in the relationship, not him, not your parents, not his parents. You two.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 March 2015):
 I can see why your son is worried on your behalf. My guess is he's been the "man of the house" for a long time and thus feels RESPONSIBLE for defending and taking care of you. I think it's pretty natural. Then add that your suitor is HIS age, I think that just makes your son feel a tad awkward.
But here is the thing! YOU are about to get into a relationship, NOT your son. So your business? IS YOUR business.
Does your son still live at home? If so... Then maybe it's time for him to stand on his own two feet so you can HAVE some privacy and intimacy.
As for your new beau. I'm 45. I could never date a 25 year old. It's just too young for me, but THIS is you. And if this can make you happy then GO for it. I just don't think there is a long term future in it for the two of you. NOT because YOU are the OLDER female, I would say the same to an older DUDE dating a younger girl. You have already been through a LOT of the stages in LIFE, he has BARELY begun, which makes it a tad uneven.
I'd say go slow. USE protection. DON'T buy him expensive things or help him out financially or you will end up with NOT a BF, but another "son". Don't let him move in. Maybe a year 18 months down the line if you two are still going strong living together could be doable, but I would really WAIT that long before even considering it.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (24 March 2015):
I have to disagree with those who say age gap relationships don't work! I only date men older and the r.ship dynamics have nothing to do with age but personality and life experience. Some older men I've dated have been immature and dependent on me while other older men find ME immature. The older man I'm seeing at the moment is the OP's age. He said to me that when he first met me he was very attracted to me. He thinks i'm hot too so that's good...lol He says though that he did'nt want to get to close to me as girls my age (i'm 30) are usually still immature etc But he says I proved him wrong. When we got talking we could'nt stop. We had similar interests and I 'matched him' so to speak. I was on his level intellectually. This impressed him big time. It was clear as he did'nt want our conversation to end and he was smiling happily. Like he'd won the lottery. The fact i'm independent, live alone and have dealt with some difficult personal problems, have made me attractive to older men. I've had people say that my maturity is that of someone much older. This man was impressed by me. Older men AND women usually have their own kids and don't want another one. The fact i'm clearly not reliant on my own parents is enticing to older men. They know they'll get a girlfriend NOT a daughter. My older man feels able to talk to me about his problems, ask for parenting advice (I have no kids myself but i'm guessing he thinks I might be able to help because i'm a pretty responsible person). We're on the same level intellectually and emotionally, even though looks wise, there's a clear age difference. Talking to him is like talking to someone my own age. Each to their own. Every r/ship is different and as we don't know anything about the OP's r/ship, let's not put her decision to date younger down.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (24 March 2015):
I recently met someone your age hun and like you he has adult kids. His daughter is 27 and son 25. He is a very attractive man and has also looked after himself well. Sexy physique, full head of hair, all his teeth...lol He looks like a 35yr old old. He is totally hot! But i'm only 4yrs older than his daughter and she scares me. I'm hesitant to get too involved with him even though he's crazy about me. My concerns and his kids worries, are as follows:*Will they respect me as a potential stepmum?*Do they believe i'm genuinely interested in their father of just after sex and money?*Will they think I have daddy issues?*Are they going to be embarassed introducing me to their friends as their stepmum if their dad and I got married?*Are they going to bully me and be disrespectful because i'm close to their age?I'm sure your b/friend is having someone of these worries too and your son. In my situation, friends have said to me not to worry about what his kids do and say. They are grown up with their own lives. Yes, they will be over protective of their father but I know once they see how happy we are and that i've no intention of using their dad or hurting him, they will accept me. But that'll all take time.If you want to have sex with your b/friend, go for it! Your son does'nt control your sex life. I can't wait to have sex with my hot older man. We are all over each other at the moment. Don't overthink things hun, your b/friend is of legal age and no one will raise eye brows at your decision. You should feel happy and flattered that a man half you age fancies you. Alot of women would kill to be in your place. Age gap r/ships happen all the time and men end up marrying women MUCH younger than them. Why can't women? You've found love so don't let others opinions and your own doubts, spoilt it. Embrace the age gap!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): Have you guys talked about the future? Is he happy to be dating a 53 year old woman when he's only 30 in a few years? However much you look after yourself, your body will change quite a lot over the next few years. Does he not want children?If there is no future, then I don't see the point of involving your son or telling him about your relationship and making things uncomfortable. I would hate to be in your son's shoes.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (24 March 2015):
 Your son is having a lot to take in. As a *child* (regardless of age, you are still someone's child)it can be difficult to see parents move on to different relationships after divorce or death.
It can be difficult to accept a new partner in a parents life. If this was a man of the same age, it would still be difficult, and being a man, he may feel he has to protect you (as his mother) and look out for your best interests. He needs to "suss out" any potential suitors to make sure they will treat you well.
The fact your boyfriend is actually younger than your son, probably throws up all sorts of questions in his head. He might not understand the attraction, or why someone his age is interested in his mother. YOU are his mother, and in his eyes not someone to date. He also is probably thinking if this relationship gets really serious, he might have a step father who is younger than he is.
If the roles were reversed and your son was dating a woman your age, how happy would you be about it? Would you be able to take it in and just accept it? Or would you have issues with the fact your son might never have kids, or spend the best years of his life looking after an OAP?
Everyone in this situation is a grown up, and can make their own decisions. Your son respects your decisions, but he does not have to be happy about them. Don't force it in his face, because you will risk pushing him away.
Just out of interest - how long have you been dating your boyfriend? If you are still not in a sexual relationship, it suggests it is still a relatively new thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): This is the situation where I am always puzzled, mosty when women are so much older. I understand that you are flattered and so on, but to date and be in a relationship with someone who was born so many years later than you with a very limited life experience is not wise. Wise to play with him a little, I mean sex, and then go your separate ways. You guys didnt even have sex yet, what if he sees you naked and will change his mind. You do understand that though you keep yur figure, you still have a body of an almost 50 year old woman, and he is still as hot as he can be . These situation are always so heartbreaking for women. They want love, they want young body, and then they crave it after it's all gone. Example is the lady I worked with. At the time she was your age. She dated guys ony in their 30s. It always went like that: first little dates, nothing major, coffee, movies. Then sex, everyday, passionate sex. She was totally in love. Then sex twice a week, outings stopped, sleepovers stopped. Then him dissapearing for 2 weeks, 1 months at a time. Then him calling sometimes every couple months, when he was horny to come for a quicky. And this is how it went for a few years, until she found someone equal to her, same financial situation, age appropriate, and she got married, and now they live happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): Nothing you say is going to make the situation any different for your son, you say he respects your decision so that's the best you can hope for. Don't expect him to welcome this guy with open arms, that's not likely and he's hardly going to sit around a dinner table playing happy families, as this guy is younger than him. Just enjoy your relationship, but don't flaunt it in your sons face - he is respecting your decision so respect his too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): I am the same age as you, OP and I am not sure what you see in a 25-year-old man.. well, maybe I do - the one thing. But I still wouldn't go for a guy that young. Doesn't do it for me. Especially if my son was the same age. It's definitely in bad taste and poor form. You just look desperate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): My dear lady, who's the mother in this situation? Surely you should be considerate of your son's feelings. He has every right to be concerned about your emotional well-being, and the intentions of any man toward his mother.
His concerns or involvement in your love-life stops, where your mature and well-considered choices begin. He's no longer an under-aged dependent, who has to be protected from your choices in men. He may not approve, but it's not his call. He's going to be protective of you, as any good son would be. There are double-standards that bring-on insults and criticism. Don't delude yourself. He's well aware of that, but he should never be ashamed of his mother!
Even if she may be Mrs. Robinson!
In all fairness to his feelings; he may feel embarrassed in-front of his friends. He has to face their gossip and opinions of you. Even defend your honor, if it comes to that. So be it. The thought of his mother being involved with someone younger than himself, is definitely a lot to take in. However; concerns about "appearances" are irrelevant. Two consenting-adults, who are crazy about each other, outweighs the judgement and prejudices of outsiders.
Your son needs time to digest it. You do not surrender to his preferences on whom you should date. Just remember that also applies; when the situation is in reverse.
Meanwhile; keep your eyes open for red-flags, proceed with reasonable caution, and employ common-sense in all relationships.
YOU GO GIRL!!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 March 2015):
 you are an adult
your son is an adult
your boyfriend is an adult
ADULTS do not butt into other adults business unless invited.
I can't tell you what to do to fix it in your head or with your son, but I can tell you that a 22 yr gap has got to be difficult. We have a bit over 13 yrs and we have totally different taste in music and tv. In addition, things i remember my husband read about in history books. Makes it odd.
He is closer in age to my older son than to me but my kids are fine with it.
Your son is not happy but respects your decision... so what's the problem?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): I dont think there is an issue with your son. You say he is not thrilled about you dating this younger man, but he has accepted your decision. Problem solved. There is nothing more you need to do for him in this regard.
I personally don't think a quality, long-term relationship can be had between people so far apart in age, my opinion. They have different experiences, and are at different stages of life. I say go ahead & have a fun fling, but for a life partner there are probably better matches closer to ones own age.
Best of luck to you,
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