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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 6 June 2009: SyferFire, I favor relationships based on mutual respect. I don't expect my man to bend over backwards for me, and he doesn't expect me to fall over gushing with love because he held a door open. But, you know, keep on going with those usele... (read in full...)
Can a guy ever be just friends with a girl?
Q. Is it possible for a guy to be best friends with a girl and never get feelings for her?...
A. 6 June 2009: Totally possible, and happens often.... (read in full...)
I like her but she does drugs! How do I let her down?
Q. There's this girl at work I began to like quite a bit over the last few weeks. She is cute, funny, friendly and just an easy going person to be around. I'm a little shy when it comes to this stuff, but I began giving out little hints that I fan...
A. 6 June 2009: I don't see where you two have actually started dating, so there isn't anything to let her down from. You're friendly right now, so keep it at that. Don't ask her on any romantic dates. You could also have a conversation about your experiences ... (read in full...)
Where should the line be drawn?
Q. Ok I need your opinion and advice. I'll try to make it as short as possible w/painting the entire picture. Originally my boyfriend and I were getting a house w/his best friend and his girlfriend. But she cheated on him and moved out they are ...
A. 6 June 2009: You are being tested. The friend sounds lonely and hurt and he is reaching out to the closest woman, who happens to be you. Don't fall into his arms though, because not only will you lose your relationship but your boyfriend will either 1) lose ... (read in full...)
Why does he want sex only when he is ready?
Q. Why does my husband only want to try and have sex with me after I am already asleep and then when I wake, he will not kiss me, love on me or anything, just wam bam, and if I try to proceed any other time he turns me away, it is always only when he ...
A. 6 June 2009: Have you talked to him about this? He seems pretty selfish. Sit him down and tell him you need foreplay and affection and you're not getting what you need.... (read in full...)
Should I complain about this liftman and if so how do I go about it???
Q. I saw the most disturbing thing ever! I live in a 20 storey apartment and I live in the 16th floor so I take the elevator obviously. We have a new liftman, he is a college dropout that's what he told me anyways, he is like 20 years old. Once I w...
A. 2 June 2009: I'd complain to the building management because this is not something he should be doing at work. If he wants to make out on his own time, that's his business, but he definitely should not be doing that at his job! Very unprofessional.... (read in full...)
Could I ever become more to this guy?
Q. Hiya! My name is Kate, I am 21 and I have been chatting to this lovely man who of which is 44 via email for the past 1 and a half years! I met him on a dating site, as I joint it to suport my friend who wanted to meet someone (I was forced to lol) ...
A. 2 June 2009: The odds are against the two of you getting together.
As soon as you said you had a crush on him he started backing away. That's not a good sign. On top of that he straight out told you he doesn't want to hang on to you. That isn't what a p... (read in full...)
I don't know why he's sticking around!
Q. Im so confused ive been seeing this guy for a month but i have a boyfriend he knows this, so we said we would do the friends thing, that was fine as we get on so well, then we ended up getting drunk went to a hotel had sex, he said he was very sorry ...
A. 31 May 2009: He's sticking around so he can get some more sex from you in the future. You've already proved that you're easy and you'll sleep with him even though you have a boyfriend.
Either make a clean break and stop hanging out with him and drunkenl... (read in full...)
I have just broken up with my married boyfriend but I don't know if I've done the right thing...
Q. Last year i met this guy and i didnt know he was engaged,we were seeing each other almost every night in my place,we were getting on with each other so well and after 5-6 weeks his fiance called me and told me that they are engaged but i didnt tell ...
A. 30 May 2009: I'm so sorry that you're going through this. *hug* I know it hurts right now but it will get a little easier every day. Take care of yourself and things will start looking up.
With that said, you absolutely did the right thing. You figured ... (read in full...)
I don't find him very attractive
Q. hey i have gone on 3 dates with a guy. I enjoy his company. I have never dated properly and i really enjoyed it! He is a real gentleman But i don't find him that attractive and he's not very compatible with my friends. Anyway, last time i ...
A. 30 May 2009: Go with your gut. I would be suspicious of anyone who said he loved me after two weeks too. That's way too fast IMHO. Be honest with him and let him down gently. ... (read in full...)
Why is my friend being so ungrateful?
Q. Morning All, it was my friends birthday 2 days ago and i got her Lost Season 1-4 boxsets because she mentioned how she wanted them but couldnt afford them. When she opene it she looked dissapointed and when i asked what was wrong she said she t...
A. 29 May 2009: I would be pissed off too. Those boxsets are fairly expensive and it was good of you as a friend to get her something she said she wanted. And then she's ungrateful about it? Ugh!... (read in full...)
Keeping sex all in the family
Q. okay i had sex with this woman that i knew for a while then i had sex with her teenage daughter now i want to have sex with her daughter's cousins who's 21 is it wrong because i'm not in a relationship with neither of these ladies?...
A. 29 May 2009: Aren't there any women OUTSIDE this family you could have sex with? Sheesh!... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and his mother are not kind to me throw my life up in my face
Q. My boyfriends mum really hurt me yesterday. She started a convo about domestic violence and stuff. But then she started mentioning my mother. My mum has done some terrible things to me, but i have also gave as much back. Bfs mum thinks i dont stand ...
A. 29 May 2009: First off, get away from your boyfriend. Nobody should be putting their hands on you in any way, shape, or form. You don't deserve any kind of abuse. Not ever. Not even once.
Second, have you considered counseling? A good counselor can help... (read in full...)
Why does he drag me along?
Q. I will be forever indebted for a male/female perspective on this. I'm a 44 year old woman, the man i date is 48. He's in the Navy and nearing retirement. We met 5 months ago..neither of us knew what we were looking for. I've been divorced one year, ...
A. 29 May 2009: He strings you along because you let him.
You keep going back because you think he's going to change.
If you want a real relationship you have to put your foot down and say so. That runs a real risk of him deciding not to be with you though. ... (read in full...)
Will he miss me and want me back?
Q. Please, somebody help me. Me and my now ex boyfriend were dating about a year, we were really good friends before we got together and he ended up moving in with me into my flat pretty quick. Too quick actually... But we made it work. We went th...
A. 28 May 2009: I'm so sorry this happened to you. Breakups are tough but it will get easier as time goes by. Take time to take care of yourself and treat yourself right.
*hug*
On to your ex-boyfriend...he kept putting you down and apologizing but ... (read in full...)
How important is it that a girl is pretty?
Q. i`m wondering how important it is that a girl is pretty? i`m a 17 year old girl, and i have never been in a relationship. i`m really ugly (people have called me man-face and so on) and fat, and have no selfesteam what so ever. i feel really alone, ...
A. 28 May 2009: I wouldn't go by guys describing their partners as beautiful. When you are in love with someone they become beautiful to you no matter what they look like.
I have a friend who is not typically beautiful, but she is smart, outgoing, friendly... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 28 May 2009: SyferFire,
Thanks for displaying exactly the kind of behavior I was talking about.
You can't make someone love you by doing things for them. You do them because you're nice or because you care about them and you DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING BACK. ... (read in full...)
My mum thinks my boyfriend is abusive but I want to move closer to him
Q. okay my family LOVED my boyfriend up until we had a massive argument and I told my mum everything that he's done (he's not done anything abusive, but he does small things like reads my texts, hacks my email, reads my msn history, doesn't let me talk ...
A. 26 May 2009: Hacking into your email and keeping you from talking to other guys are not small things. They are huge red flags. Gentlemen do not invade your privacy, they love you and trust you to do the right thing without them checking up on you all the ... (read in full...)
Should I change for my old fashioned husband or dare to push for a job of my own?
Q. My husband believes that the women should raise children. We were both unemployed and I was expected to do all the housework and make dinner and never talk back to him. He would not bathe our daughter or change any of her diapers or feed her or ...
A. 26 May 2009: Your husband is a control freak. You don't need to be blond. You don't need to be into sports. You don't need to always be available to him when he wants sex. You're allowed to say no. Your opinion matters just as much as his does. He sounds... (read in full...)
Was I molested or raped?
Q. When i was a little kid around 7 or so my brother (around 10) would force me and my younger cousin to engage in sexual activity with him. i knew it was wrong but i was young and didnt know what to do. so i would tell him no and after a while he ...
A. 26 May 2009: Yes, you were molested. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault. You were young and they took advantage of you. I think it would be a good idea to see a therapist. A good one can help you heal from the abuse. Good luck with ... (read in full...)
We want to be together but he doesn't want marriage, do I compromise?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now - I am 34 and he is 39. Not long by most people's standards but long enough for me to be sure of how much I love him. I recently asked him what he wanted from the future, and he t...
A. 26 May 2009: It really depends on how important being married is to you.
I can understand his reluctance if he's already had one bad marriage. Marriage is not a permanent glue anymore and it doesn't guarantee anything except a county court record.
But if ... (read in full...)
Hurt, my husband has left. Was it the porn or his family?
Q. I feel so hurt because my husband stopped loving me. And what hurts the most is that we have children together. I told him it was his porn or us meaning his family. And I want to know was I wrong to make him decide porn or us?he is using me and I ...
A. 26 May 2009: I need a little more information before I can answer this.
Was he addicted to porn or were you upset that he was watching it at all?... (read in full...)
He's sweet and lovely and caring... and cheating on his girlfriend with me.
Q. I'm in a bit of a mess... I met a man through one of my male friends. He has a girlfriend of 2months. He has text me day and night for the past week and a half and even when she is there with him he does it, he seems so caring and nice espcially i...
A. 26 May 2009: Sex is a VERY powerful motivator. I wouldn't count texting you as doing a lot. Texts are easy and low maintenance. On top of that if he was a good boyfriend he wouldn't be cheating on his girlfriend after only 2 months. Heck, that's still the... (read in full...)
Ex and new boyfriend - are they plotting against me?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles: I need your help, yet again. I broke up with my ex boyfriend(Tom) about one month ago, we had a bad breakup so we didnt talk about anything but our kid. 2 weeks after we broke up, a friend(Jeremy) that i havent talk to in...
A. 26 May 2009: It seems like Jeremy is the one fudging the truth and trying to get on your good side. I would definitely guard myself around him.... (read in full...)
She is breaking up with me and I don't know whether I should stop her or how to
Q. I've been with my gf nearly 7 months and i think we are on the brink of breaking up. The problem is that she thinks i am not commited enough. I am mid twenties and am in my first relationship so this is all new to me. We get on very well and can ...
A. 25 May 2009: The respiratory issues are awful but that doesn't give her the right to manipulate you. Seven months is not really that long, and I personally don't think it's long enough to know if you're going to marry someone. I don't think it's fair to demand ... (read in full...)
When Your Boyfriend and Your Best Friend Betray You, All Trust is Lost!
Q. how will i gain my trust back from my boyfriend he cheated on me with my best friend who stayed the night and i wanted a bath so i did and there was a spider i there so i called him and he had an hard-on so i just told him too get out and that!!!! ...
A. 25 May 2009: You don't need to gain his trust back, it's the other way around! HE has to prove that he will not cheat again.
Both your boyfriend and your best friend are slimy. You can do better than some guy who's going to cheat on you and lie about it... (read in full...)
She keeps crying her heart out for the jerks, while she wants me as a friend, any hope for me?
Q. I'm wondering if a girl can ever learn to stop dating a-holes and end up with a decent guy who treats her well. Will she change as she gets older and matures? Will she open her eyes and see the guy who's always been there is the right one for her? ...
A. 25 May 2009: Have you told her that you'd like to date her? If you're just hanging around hoping she will magically see the light and not saying anything, you will never be her boyfriend. It doesn't matter how nice you are to her, how many times you bend over ... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 25 May 2009: Gentlemen do exist. I know quite a few guys who are polite and courteous and their girlfriends/wives appreciate it very much. I've dated a few myself, loved it and appreciated it. I think a big part of the decline is that fathers aren't around as ... (read in full...)
Should I be with him, when he hides from his girlfriend with me and makes out?
Q. I think I have an issue. I am in love with a guy that already has a grilfriend. We were dating for a while but he dumped me. We still like each other- it's obvious. We have kinda become friends with benefits we dont have sex we just make out. Last ...
A. 25 May 2009: He is cheating on his girlfriend and you're going right along with it. Leave him alone and find someone who won't put you second best. ... (read in full...)
Husband is a great man and wonderful father but we have no emotional connection. Help!
Q. I have been married for 19 years now. My husband is a responsible man of integrity. He is a wonderful father, doesn't raise his voice or namecall...we have 4 beautiful children. However, I feel unloved by him. We have no connection emotionally. ...
A. 25 May 2009: Give counseling one more try, but this time I suggest you go by yourself. You have been honest with him but it sounds like he isn't following through with actually giving you what you need. I think a good therapist will help you decide if you want ... (read in full...)
Is this close friend too close?
Q. My boyfriend has been living away from our home for work for most of the past year, I see him once a week now, and he is not really a phone person, so it's short phonecalls only during the week, I've been finding it hard, but when I see him ...
A. 25 May 2009: I smell an emotional affair in the air. It's a BIG red flag that neither of your partners know that you are friends. Why not? Why are both of you hiding this friendship? That's not healthy at all. If it's only a friendship no one will see ... (read in full...)
What does a girl have to do to become COMPLETELY desired by her man?
Q. I believe in some cases that the help provided here has shaped and even changed the outcome of some peoples lives. I desperatly need a little coaching or direction myself and would sincerely be gratfeul for any advice. What does a girlfriend hav...
A. 25 May 2009: Guys really want to chase after a girl when the girl has her own life. Go out with your friends more, go out and do things without him. Develop your own hobbies. Have your own fun! Once he sees that you are not making him your whole world he ... (read in full...)
He said we should keep things "public" and its too soon for fun
Q. Hi, I have been dating a great guy for a couple of weeks now. Enjoyed just really being together, he didn't even kiss me until our 3rd date, and it was well worth the wait! On our 4th date, dinner at my place, we kissed a lot and were a little i...
A. 25 May 2009: He likes you but he feels you are pressuring him too much. It's normal to still be feeling each other out after a couple of weeks. The "public" comment is a bit weird, but perhaps he felt that you were coming on too strong when you were alone.
... (read in full...)
I know I need to let go of the past, but how?
Q. Alright, so I've met this girl and she is incredible. We love each other and everything is just hunky dorey. There's only one thing wrong. It's her sexual past. I was a virgin before I met her, but she wasn't.It's not too bad, but it still eats me ...
A. 25 May 2009: You can get over it by making it a priority to do so. When you find yourself thinking about it, force yourself to think about something else. It will take time, and it's hard to do, but it can save your relationship if you commit to working on ... (read in full...)
If I break up with him I don't need to worry about pleasing anyone
Q. I have a problem, a big problem, and I think this will mean I will NEVER be able to be happy in a relationship. Ok, I've only had one boyfriend, we're still together, but I'm thinking of breaking up with him. The reason being I'm too jealous, ...
A. 25 May 2009: There is still plenty of time left in your life to change. You don't have to be insecure and alone forever. Have you ever thought about going to a therapist? If you find a good one, it can go a long way towards helping you accept yourself. Your ... (read in full...)
The long run? Or just one thing?
Q. ok so this is a total mess and i'm writing it on here to get 'advice' NOT 'critiscm' please. im almost 16 by the way (next month) but extremely mature for my age, i look about 18-19 (so people say) anyways that was just for those people that will ...
A. 24 May 2009: Yes, he was only in it for one thing. He already has a girlfriend. He can't be in it for the long run because he is already committed to someone else.
You got played. Happens to the best of us. Next time, pick a guy who is single at least.... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is he into me?
Q. Hello. Well, I've met this guy for a month already, we went out a couple of times, had sex, and we were still ok with each other. I havent see him for 2 weeks already, cause he started working and he says he is tired. We talked very often on the MSN ...
A. 24 May 2009: Oh, he wants something all right...sex without commitment or effort. He is telling you with his actions that you are not important enough to spend time with. The writing's on the wall. Sorry this happened to you.... (read in full...)
Am I letting old feelings get in the way?
Q. k... here's the story. Me and this guy have been going out for a while now. He really loves me and i'm not sure if i feel the same way anymore. It is starting to get really boring and he is starting to get annoying sometimes. the only problem is ...
A. 24 May 2009: Tom is "running game" on you. He is testing you to see if you will dump your boyfriend and come running to him. He is doing this to feed his ego, so don't fall for that crap.
I suggest you have an honest talk with your boyfriend and tell him... (read in full...)
When does it mean when a guy says he wants to be in a relationship with you but is too busy?
Q. when a guy says he doesn't want you to wait around for him, like if he's busy with finishing school and doesn't have time for a relationship, even though he wants to be in one with you. what does he really mean? guys say this all the time, but in my ...
A. 24 May 2009: If a guy tells you he is too busy, he is telling you that he cannot give you the attention and love you deserve. If you're willing to settle for less you can wait if you want, or go out and find someone who can give you what you need.
I vote for... (read in full...)
He has shown sexual interest, but how soon is too soon to have sex?
Q. I'm going on a date with a guy I really like. He is almost ten years older then me but that doesnt bother me at all, however he has indicated that he is interested in me sexually as well. I feel the same spark as he does and would do it in a heart ...
A. 24 May 2009: There are guys out there who will not judge you if you sleep with them on the 1st date. There are guys that will judge you and drop you like a hot rock if you do. The kicker is, the judging guys will NOT tell you what they think before you have ... (read in full...)
Do you think he's shady or I'm just paranoid?
Q. I have a male friend who is in the air force, he´s stationed in Alabama. I met him 1 year ago in one of his TDYs. Since then we´ve been keeping in touch as friends by email and for special holidays on the phone. He´s married, but we have never ...
A. 24 May 2009: Your friends are reading too much into this. It's not a crime to suggest that a friend see an air show. Technically he didn't even invite you. Now if he said, "we can watch the air show from my bed together" that would be a different story!... (read in full...)
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