A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so hurt because my husband stopped loving me. And what hurts the most is that we have children together. I told him it was his porn or us meaning his family. And I want to know was I wrong to make him decide porn or us?he is using me and I feel hurt. He won't answer my calls or emails help what should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I loved Asian Tealeaf's answer - absolutely spot on and very eloquent. I loved the bit about men with small dicks too, feeling insecure as the women sometimes feel in a relationship where their man watches porn. Awesome!!
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 Assuming he might of had an addiction, in my opinion, if a man jerks to porn and knows it grieves his partner, then he should stop. As it only does more harm in the relationship. However, that being said, most women need to realize a lot of men jerk off to porn because it fulfills some fantasies that their partners won't fulfill. e.i anal. Some guys love anal and if they aren't getting anal from the partner they would rather watch anal porn to get their rocks off. So, there will always be room for compromises etc, but it does take some effort on both partners to make both ends happily meet. My bf watched porn tremendously alot when we had met 4 yrs ago. Last 2 years, he has stopped, COMPLETELY. I know, it sounds like a dream, but we discussed it. I cried every day, it affected my ability to have orgasms, and my sexual libido, because i was made to feel so insecure, although my bf and i were having sex like 15 times daily!! oh yes, we were deeply in love then, and still are now. and when he realized after i told him he had an addiction, he stopped dead in his tracks and took a long hard look at himself. he took a hard look at how it distressed me, all the fights that came and resulted from his porn. he realized, porn does not replace the real thing, and there's no price to ultimate happiness, and if we had broken up, he felt in his heart he could never make it work with anyone else, as he feels i am the only one he will ever be with for the rest of his life, and losing me to something so immature as porn was not worth it! yes, he had to make a choice. but he has never regretted it, if anything, he has proudly stated he has no cravings,for porn, he neither misses it, nor has any desire to preview it behind my back. he had a huge collection of DVDs and in front of me, without any shame, gave them to his buddies. he knows there are free websites on line to view porn without downloading any files. and yet, he has not even visited those porn sites. i am, fortunately very savvy with computers, and i know he has not visited any porn sites from the time he had made it known to me, he would never ever watch or look at porn again. and in return, i had suggested we make our own homemade porn he can whack his noodle to, if i was unable to sexually fulfill his needs, and he most happily accepted that as an acceptable alternative to porn. he has matured in the last couple yrs, and when i ask him if he ever misses it, he looks at me and says, baby, i don't miss the fights that resulted because i was hurting u and causing u to hate me. i would rather see u, and us, as a couple, be happy and argument free. and sure enough, our arguments have been cut by over 82%, of which the rest remaining is everyday things like our children, and realistic things that take precedence and priority in our everyday lives. he has said to me he has noted a dramatic increase in our sex life again,he has noticed I'm glowing again, that i hold my head up high again, that i smile everyday and I'm more communicative once more. so, my advice is, if a man cant see that it could make a huge difference in his relationship by making sacrifices, then he is still immature and has a lot of growing up to do. my bf saw the benefits to making the decision he did. were both very happy. and i do believe that its just he selfishness and laziness of men, that make them stubborn and unwilling. i don't say porn is bad, it depends on many things, like if the gf has no issues with it, or perhaps she may be indifferent to it. each relationships different. and men don't always look at porn for the same reasons, they all, apparently, have an excuse as to why they watch it.but, i think too, they only know too well what insecurity feels like, the guys with small dicks know what I'm talking about,they always feel like their gf is comparing them to an ex, or some celebrity, which in turn makes them feel incapable of orgasms, or erections, i know this because most of my friends are guys. who have shared what their views on mens insecurities are, and the consequences due to having them.women, for the most part, feel threatened and insecure by porn, wondering if the bf is comparing, or wondering if they are just as hot as the chic he was watching the night before getting her ass reamed by a fist.feeling insecure causes nothing but trouble. guys will whine and complain, but wont understand when a female does the same, but for different reasons. we are all in the same boat. and we all have to "pick our poisons". if ur husband chose to leave u because he felt u were being an unfair whining (sorry, only talking like a guy would, not my personal view on u!) cunt,over his porn, then it shows ur husband is not the guy u thought he was. and also very immature. porn can be good, but for the most part, it displays degrading acts performed on females, and u can tell a lot about a man by the kind of porn they watch! i hope i helped u a lot.
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A
female
reader, summerslady21 +, writes (26 May 2009):
Honey you didn't give us much to go on in order to advise you! You need to give us more on if it affected your marriage or what brought the ultimatum on! But he made his decision let him figure things out on his own!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 May 2009):
You seem very quick to make this his fault.
You gave him an ultimatum and he chose.
Leave him to get his head together and then he will get in touch with you in time. In the mean time think practically about how you are going to live as a single woman and support yourself.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Is it really your buisness if he watches porn unless it has a big impact on the family?
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (26 May 2009):
 I need a little more information before I can answer this.
Was he addicted to porn or were you upset that he was watching it at all?
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (26 May 2009):
 How do you know it was the ultitmatum that you gave him that made him leave? How did his porn viewing hurt your relationship? Was it affecting your sex life? Was he paying less attention to you because of it?
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