A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'm in a bit of a mess...I met a man through one of my male friends. He has a girlfriend of 2months. He has text me day and night for the past week and a half and even when she is there with him he does it, he seems so caring and nice espcially in these texts and i don't get why he would go to all that trouble just for sex?.He was out with her at the weekend and we all go to the same club but i do not know her personally. He was with her in the club with his friends and i was with mine, I didn't feel jealous at all.... and I'm not sure what this means? I think it's either cos I've accepted that he's in a relationship wih her or it's because I'm not bothered about him? But i feel like I've got an emotional connection with him.We met up later in the night when he managed to lose her and I went back to his but I didn't go in his bedroom just sat,talked, kissed and cuddled. He say's his girlfriend knows that he doesn't wanna be with her but she stays anyway, he say's she's obsessed with him. He feels like he can't finish it because it's his friend's sister and before they got together he told him to not hurt her or else. He took her to a family do the same day, now I'm thinking why do this if he isn't serious about her?I don't live in our hometown and he said he already wants to come and visit me and i live an hour away, again why do this if its just sex?.I mentioned casually before that a man has asked me out for a meal and he thinks i should go for it and get him to take me somewhere expensive.I'm not sure what i want, he seems so sweet and i see him as boyfriend material but i aint up for being second best, it seems his words and actions are not in signal with each other.Any advice please?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Don't flatter yourself, he won't leave his current girlfriend for you, your just be a bit of fun to him and when he's bored with you he'll still have his girlfriend to go home to, or his latest conquest. Also,if he were to leave his girlfriend for you would you really want to be with a cheat?....coz if he'll cheat on his girlfriend he'll do the same to you. It's the truth.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Hiya!I have been there done that! Trust me hun it's not worth it. I got involved with a man whose had a girlfriend and I saw him for 2 years believing one day I would be his. He did all the same with me even going to the extent that he loved me.Wake up he won't leave her your just part of the thrill and once he has had enough you will be history.Please try to learn from my mistakes if you can ... I was with this guy for 2 years and couldn't find the strength to leave him because he felt like my soul mate. The longer you stay the harder it gets. I broke up with him 10 months ago and I'm still not over it. Get out before you get in too deep. There are other guys out there nice, sweeter more caring and SINGLE hun trust me you will regret it if you carry on down this road.Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, worrytoomuch  +, writes (26 May 2009):
I'm not sure how to say this but.. I'd completely cut your relation with him. Why would you want to be with someone who is willing to cheat on someone he's committed to? That will only cause you to feel insecure in your relation with him.. even if he leaves her for you...which is HIGHLY unlikely...your whole relationship would have been based on a lie and will probably not have a good chance of lasting. Most snakes are willing to do a lot of sex especially if you consider texting or driving an hour a lot of effort. If he wants you he wouldn't be with the other woman and would respect the other woman (and you) enough to end things with her before pursuing you. Also-- if he's telling you to go for it with the other guy, I'd say he's just in it for the fun with you. Nothing more.Remember.. you teach a man how to treat you by the way you allow him to treat you. Good luck and stay smart :)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 May 2009):
Sorry hun, texting, talking, kissing and offering to drive an hour is really really not that much work if it means hot sex.
It's costing him a lot less to do it this way than pay a prostitute, plus he gets the thrill of the chase and lots of flirting.
Tell him that you are not going to be the girl on the side. If he likes you so much then he can grow some balls and split up with his girlfriend.
He seems awfully full of himself to say "oh she's obsessed with me so I can't leave her."
Tell him that's his choice and his loss then stop texting him.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): YOU don't want to feel second best?
How do you think his girlfriend feels?? Or would feel if she knew everything that is going on.
If the situation were reversed, would you want to be degraded and clueless like that?
This needs to stop.. and you need to be the decent, lady-like young woman who knows right and wrong and stops it.
And this boy needs to man up and break up with her and stop cowering in a corner of his friends most likely empty threats. If it doesn't work, it doens't work. That's a decent reason to break up with someone. What's IS a good way to hurt is sister in to cheat on her.
Bad decisions all around here.
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A
female
reader, summerslady21 +, writes (26 May 2009):
Honey you should sit back and think this out... Good boyfriend material? He has a girlfriend and he's fondling another! He says he don't want her after 2 months? Ok like the others said that's still the honeymoon phase! He just wants to be a playa he has no intentions on settleing down yet! Honey I'm sure you don't want to be in the other girls shoes! Don't let him sucker you into his game! You will lose everytime! Think things out sweetheart... Keep in touch!
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (26 May 2009):
 Sex is a VERY powerful motivator.I wouldn't count texting you as doing a lot. Texts are easy and low maintenance. On top of that if he was a good boyfriend he wouldn't be cheating on his girlfriend after only 2 months. Heck, that's still the honeymoon stage when things are supposed to be going great. Imagine if you were his girlfriend and in love with him and he was telling some other girl you were obsessed, texting some other girl while he's with you. He puts the blame on her but if he didn't like her she wouldn't be his girlfriend in the first place. Nobody made him ask her out!His actions are telling you what kind of man he really is. Don't fall for the game.
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (26 May 2009):
EH, you'd be surprised how far a guy will go if it means sex.
So he's only been going with his friend's sister for 2 months and is already regretting it? I think he's got to man up and break it off with her.. It's not like it's that hard at this point..
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