A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok so this is a total mess and i'm writing it on here to get 'advice' NOT 'critiscm' please. im almost 16 by the way (next month) but extremely mature for my age, i look about 18-19 (so people say) anyways that was just for those people that will start saying the person im going to tell you about is too old for me, because the critiscm ive recieved on here is unbelievable. anyway along with the problem; for the past year theres been a lad who's 4years older than me, so he's like 19-20. i've known who he was since i was really little but only recently this past year started talking to him. He started going out with my best friends sister around 2years ago, but he's always been a flirt with other girls when she isn't around. So, he isnt that good looking but there's something about him, like- he's really charming, oh and i forgot to mention, he's the 'badboy' type. For the past year we started talking more - and everytime i saw him he would slip in a comment about how beautiful i looked. Its as though he has a spell over me, when he smiles at me- and when we have eye contact its as though nothin else matters. Recently he started being more forward with me, the compliments still came but he would ask for a kiss or to sit on his knee. i would just laugh them off- but inside my heart was beating faster than ever. So a couple of days ago i walked to my anties and he was there, and he asked me if i'd got his txt, i had his number but he didnt have mine so i was really confused- and i hadnt even recieved a txt. He'd had to secretley get the number out of my cousions phone to try and txt me and it turned out it was my old number. I played hard to get and didnt give him my real number until the next day even though he begged. He asked me if i wanted to meet him and i said no. He said he would leave me alone then if thats what i wanted, if i wasnt interested. And somehow the curiosity and temptations just took over and i said i'd think about it. That day i saw him, along with everyone else who hangs around at my anties and we talked, joked around like usual. Then he went to the pub and i went to my mates. I ended up txtin him after a few drinks and said if he wanted to c me that i was goin home at around 10.45 so i would meet him a bit before that. he agreed and i met him on this park near my house. He treat me like a princess, made me feel so special and said the sweetest things. We ended up having sex. He was still ok with me after and we kissed and cuddled for a while before i went home. i saw him today and we both smiled at eachother, i felt the sparks flying, both our eyes lit up and things seemed ok. as the day went on we spoke less n less and i decided to go home. when i said i was going home he said he didnt want me to, but i insisted i was going. Anyways, what should i do about this guy? He's my best friends sisters boyfriend. But i'm starting to like him more and more everyday, and now we've had sex it makes me like him even more- because when i have sex with someone it has to mean something to me, if that makes sense? i dont just do it for the fun of it. Do you think this lad was just in it for one thing? Or is he in it for the long run? Anyway, help would be appreciated x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanywayssss; i got over all that rubbish- he's a loser. n i do deserve better. for all those who said i dropped my knickers and are trying to make out im some sort of 'slag' .. dont even bother writin your comments, because i was doing what i wanted to do at the time.. maybe he wanted the exact same thing; which explains why it happened. n as for not being mature for my age, you dont even know me so please dont judge me on a 30minute episode of my life. thanks
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (24 May 2009):
 Yes, he was only in it for one thing. He already has a girlfriend. He can't be in it for the long run because he is already committed to someone else.
You got played. Happens to the best of us. Next time, pick a guy who is single at least.
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A
male
reader, dundundun +, writes (24 May 2009):
sorry to say but your not mature for your age,
you just got used for sex,
dont you watch any teen movies for this?
you only feel like your into him more cuz of sex
your only relationship with his is because of sex
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I'm sorry but he did just use you. He was very fickle in forgetting about his girlfriend to sleep with you-in a park! I think the alcohol took over you a bit, and I don't blame you, if he said something utterly romantic, you probably believe him. You texted him under the influence of alcohol-not very wise.
I'm not criticising you, you can't help that you did something foolish and pretty immature, yes it was immature, mature people put other people's feelings first and can make wise decisions-I am 17 and I am telling you what I think.
But he is not worth it. He's not even goodlooking as vain as that sounds but you truly are wasting your time with this waster of this 'badboy' type of guy. You are probably one of many he's had, all adding to the bedpost.
You are worth more than simply being done in a park. You know in your conscience what you did was wrong betraying his nonethewiser girlfriend, but you know better, at least I think you should. Find a decent man who treats you well and actually cares about your feelings and would not take advantage of you to bed you at first glance.
Take this as life experience
Didn't mean to sound harsh-depends how you read it I suppose, if you are willing to take some advice.
All the best
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I am not afraid to answer you with my identity showing.
I agree with every one on here.
For one, you are not mature for your age. Being mature means being able to make the right choices which requires good judgement usually based on life experience....which you have little of, so it is difficult to judge you, but everything we say here will be seen as criticism by you because you insist you have good judgement.
Let me ask you a question. This guy has never taken you out on a date. This boy/man would not be approved by your parents to take you out on a date because he is too old for you, you have little in common, he can legally go to the pub where he can meet all sorts of women his own age and you are still a school girl.
What he did to you have sex in a park the first time he got you alone is dispicable in my opinion. I think if he is 20 years of age he should be protective of you and not want to take advantage, but that is exactly what he did. He whispered in your ear and that is all it took for you to drop your knickers. Mature women do not allow themselves to be used by men for sex just because he gets our motor running, we have standards of conduct that we expect out of a man, for one he has to be courting us at the very least which means he is taking you out and spending some money on you and showing you respect and taking things as slow or as fast as you want them too.
You don't show a lot of self respect and at your age your hormones are raging and you are not using your brain, that gray matter that is between your ears. If you aren't careful you could end up with an STD or worse and unwanted pregnancy....talk about having to grow up fast.
He saw you coming from a mile away.....he can tell that you are attracted to him and you were a conquest that is all. He has a girlfriend and he is a badboy, is that the kind of mature choice you are going to continue to make for yourself? If you are you have a lot of long painful experiences in your future.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): He is only it it for one thing and im sorry to say i really doubt this is anything special in his mind. Sounds harsh but it's true. I mean how much of gentleman must he be if he is cheating on his girlfriend?! If you ask him about it he will claim this reltionship is something amazing and somehow find an excuse why you cant be together, even tho he will claim he would love to be with you. I suggest you walk away now otherwise your just gonna be his extra thing on the side and as you fall for him more u'll just end up getting hurt. Not to mention you are seriously risking loosing many friends over this. Do the mature thing and stop seeing this guy!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I'm not judging you at all but it does appear he just wanted one thing and you gave it up pretty easily. I doubt he wants a relationship or he'd be taking you out and not booty calling you like he did. Based on what you wrote, doesn't seem like a long run situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): Oh boy... so your question is what you should do? YOU SHOULD STOP. Not like you will, of course, because you are so "mature" and don't want criticism, ie being told what you don't want to hear. But here goes anyway:
1) No one your age doesn't think that they are "mature for their age". Pretty much part of being 15 means you think you are more mature than you actually are.
2) Looking older than you are is irrelevant.
3) When boys don't want anything other than sex, you know what they do? They tell the girl whatever she needs to hear to convince her to sleep with him. That's she's beautiful, that he loves her etc etc. Maybe he's a good guy. Or, maybe he's not.
4) This guy is cheating on his girlfriend, so he will cheat on you. He is willing to hurt her, why do you think you will be spared when he gets tired of you? And what does it say about you that you will sleep with another girl's boyfriend?
5) Sex at your age is illegal; your guy is breaking the law.
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