A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I believe in some cases that the help provided here has shaped and even changed the outcome of some peoples lives. I desperatly need a little coaching or direction myself and would sincerely be gratfeul for any advice. What does a girlfriend have to do to or say to become completly desired by her boyfriend. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over two years now and of course there is some desire there because he wouldn't be with me if there wasn't any. The problem is we have had four fallouts and three outta the four times it's happened I would cave and break the ice by contacting him. I've never been the type to chase after a boyfriend after a fallout but I did and after six weeks of no contact we are back together. This is the same guy I worked with for two years prior to our relationship and never even blinked an eye at, he chased me for a while and won my heart (long story) anyhow although we are now a couple again I feel like I'm still trying to get him to notice me??? I'm almost positive I have kinda ruined the spark or the thrill of the chase so to speak in our relationship because I never gave him that oppertunity to fear he may loose me forever thus had to want me back. I would spend forever with him if he asked but right now I know I'm not that interesting to him because he didn't have to do anything to get me back. I don't want the little flame we have left to go out... Seriously there must be something a girlfriend in this (my) situation can do or say that will raise her boyfriends eyebrow amoungst other things (blush) and be desired again. We don't get to see each other that often, mostly on the weekend so laying low isn't an option. We do talk everyday though. I want him, he knows it but he's the kind that looses interest in things easilly and I don't want that to happen to me. Any advice? Please help me, it's so important to me.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 May 2009):
 I have the feeling that you believe that playing hard to get makes men desire women. "Playing hard to get" is not the same as "the chase". And then, love or desire do not come from a formula, something like "1-2-3 - there you go, you're desired".
I think you're having too many fights to be considered a happy couple. You're looking for a sure way to make him love you, and, unfortunately, there is none. Maybe there's something you can do to attract one person in particular, but we can't help you there because we don't even know who the person is.
Giving in is not bad in itself. It is the right thing to do if the person giving is was to blame in the first place. However, the reason behind is what makes giving in right or wrong. If he should have apologized, and instead you did, then giving in is bad.
If you have given in when you should stand your ground, all you can do, from now on, is to demand respect. That might make the man leave you, but it's the only way you will win his respect.
I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (25 May 2009):
 Guys really want to chase after a girl when the girl has her own life. Go out with your friends more, go out and do things without him. Develop your own hobbies. Have your own fun! Once he sees that you are not making him your whole world he will make more of an effort to be part of your world.
Good luck.
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