A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay my family LOVED my boyfriend up until we had a massive argument and I told my mum everything that he's done (he's not done anything abusive, but he does small things like reads my texts, hacks my email, reads my msn history, doesn't let me talk to guys etc) and my mum has been in an abusive relationship so she took it so badly and compared him to the abuser. Now she's saying she really doesn't want me going with him, problem is that I told her we were just mates and me and my boyfriend are closer than we've ever been and I can't even see him because he lives 30 miles away and my mum won’t let me see him.In 29 days I am 16 and i want to move closer to him (because of college) but i don't want to hurt my mum...What should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): well i have the same problem but my mum dsnt even know the boy i like.... as i ve got 2 older brothers who live with me n keep on "protecting" me i cnt let them meet him n i dnt know what to do as i want to meet him but my parents are a bit upset with me going out somewhwere after i get called on doing stuff like drinkin smokin diff stuff n everythin,,,
so ma advise is if you can talk 2 ur mum tell her everythin but dnt about being clooser just tell her that you are going to camping or somethin good luck
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (26 May 2009):
 Hacking into your email and keeping you from talking to other guys are not small things. They are huge red flags. Gentlemen do not invade your privacy, they love you and trust you to do the right thing without them checking up on you all the time.
Your mom most likely went through the same thing in her abusive relationship and she is trying to protect you. She doesn't want you going through the same thing she had to deal with. Listen to your mom. I know moms can drive you crazy but sometimes (okay, often) they are right!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): you let him do that to you! You are a wimp as well as stupid so if he tries to hit you i suppose you will let him like most women do STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! Why was i born a woman!!
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (26 May 2009):
 Here's something you might find suprising sweetheart - normal men don't hack their girlfriends' email, texts or stop them from talking to other guys (how can you think that's ok?!). My boyfriend has NEVER and will NEVER do anything like that.
Your mother is completely right and I think you know it. Please tell me you're not just rebelling against her advice because you don't want her to be right. Because teenage strops are childish and you're not going to get treated like an adult if you think this way.
Do you think your boyfriends behaviour is acceptable? Don't you understand it's probably going to get TEN TIMES WORSE when you move closer to him? Then you won't have your mum around to help you when he hits you or won't let you out of the house. Because it will prgress to that if he is already controlling now.
She knows their traits and characteristics are, she's had first hand experience. She trying to protect you from someone that is going make you miserable. This guy is controlling you, and it will get worse when move near him - if you are so immature that you cannot see that then you almost deserve everything you are going to get from him.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 May 2009):
Sorry but normal people do not hack your emails and forbid you from speaking to people.
Normal guys do not tell you that you cannot do anything.
Your boyfriend is a bad one. If he cared about you then he wouldn't do these things because it's not nice to be told "I think you are going to cheat."
Every time he checks up on you, he's basically calling you a slut.
Why would you want to be with someone like that?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (26 May 2009):
 You may love this guy, but he is exhibiting many controlling behaviors that lead to abuse and horrible feelings.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): If you stay with him you'll be miserable (not sure i've spelled that right) for the rest of the relationship but if you leave him you'll be miserable (oh well) only for a short period of time then you'll be over him.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (26 May 2009):
 I think your mum is right here, she has experienced what you are going through and can see the signs that your boyfriend has the potential to be a psycho!
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (26 May 2009):
 He sounds like he is controlling you have to becareful as this could then lead to violence, abuse etc this is prob were your mum is talking about from experience!!!
In a healthy relationship he should not have control of who you talk to and read your texts etc, do not move with him, not until these issues are sorted out, you need to tell him he has to stop with the jealousy and control or your relationship will just end up in a dark place!
Listen to your mum, shes talking from experience and is someone who loves you very much!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Take your mums advice she's older and a lot wiser, besides you don't need a boyfriend at your age just focus on your college studies and setting your life up and it'll all go right eventually.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (26 May 2009):
 I do get the same feeling than your mum on the matter. It does sound like an abusive guy.
When jealousy becomes to the point where there's no trust, it's a relationship with one abuser and one "victim" instead of being a partnership.
Trust is the core of a relationship and already, at a early stage of your relationship, he doesn't show signs that he trust you.
Being in an abusive relationship doesn't always mean that it's physically abusive.
Since relationships is a partnership, in other words that you accepted to spend time with him, you shouldn't be restricted (or monitored) to do anything. If you are, it's also considered abusive.
The steps to have complete dominance over someone else varies but it often come to the point where the victim thinks that the abuser is the only friend left in the world.
If your mom been abused in the past, I would trust her experience when she says she feels that this guy is abusive. Those may be early signs that could come for the worse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): What is the age gap between you if any? And he sounds like a jellous control freak. I had an ex girlfriend who was the same and when i left her she stabbed me in the hand. Trust me they are no good.
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A
female
reader, hailey_heartbroken +, writes (26 May 2009):
i completely know exactly how u feel, all the worst part about when you have an argument you spill the beans and regret it after...your mom loves you and wants the best for you it might not work out with him but you dont know unless you try you will hear i told you so but she will always be there for you...after all your mom isnt going to be around forever so why cant you be happy, i left my ex to make my family happy and now i dont talk to them and im miserable because iv lost him...your mom will be there for you but you have got to make yourself happy, and when you prove her right that it didnt work out at least it wil be her your going back too
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