A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts,I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now - I am 34 and he is 39. Not long by most people's standards but long enough for me to be sure of how much I love him. I recently asked him what he wanted from the future, and he told me that he would like to have children but does not want to get married (the old 'it's a piece of paper, doesn't mean anything'). He was married briefly in his early twenties, and they broke up amicably as they just grew apart. I would love to have my own family - it would mean the world to me. He wants to have children but not get married. At my age, should I compromise and try to have children without worrying about being married. Or should I consider making a life for myself elsewhere and perhaps meeting someone else? Am I wanting too much in this day and age, to be married then have children. Thank you for reading this - I'd really apreciate your advice. x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): I would not compromise to much only because of your age. You really should talk to him. Tell him what you feel and tell him what you think about marriage (security, ...). Tell him, that you would like to have a family, but you'd like to give your children the security of a marriage - or what ever is important to you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): If it's just a piece of paper, then what's the problem with signing that little piece of paper to make you happy? And make your potential kids happy- having a mom and dad that are actually married? If it's no big deal to him, sounds like a small compromise on his part to make it all legit for you and your potential family.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (26 May 2009):
 It really depends on how important being married is to you.
I can understand his reluctance if he's already had one bad marriage. Marriage is not a permanent glue anymore and it doesn't guarantee anything except a county court record.
But if it means a lot to you to be married then you will always have that underlying wish. Only you can decide if it's a dealbreaker.
Good luck with everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): You need to decide how much you want to be with him, and how important that piece of paper really is to you.
My son was born 7 years before his father and I got married. Funny thing though, it only lasted 3 years after we were married. I'm not saying our break-up was caused by that piece of paper, but I tend to agree that a marriage lisence is not a garauntee!
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