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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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Cheated with my ex and confused about which one I want!
Q. So I have been with this guys for almost 2 months. I haven't seen him in 1 month and a week because of vacation, but just last weekend I went to a friend's house and I cheated on him with my ex.. I know its bad to cheat but I just don't know who to ...
A. 13 August 2009: Leave all of them alone and find a new man. Also, it's never good to cheat on anyone even if you are confused...that is the immature way out. The next time you feel confused, go off alone by yourself to figure things out.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I don't feel special in this relationship - I feel like I'm in her shadow!
Q. hello, I have to warn you guys of the length of this post- but I hope a few of you read it and give me some good advice. I have been with a man for about 2 years and to be honest things are pretty good. We live together and he is a wonderful part...
A. 13 August 2009: Have you talked to him about how this makes you feel? I realize that you said he clams up, but I think if you sit down and have a quiet heart to heart about things he may open up to you. Tell him that you would like to hear I love yous, that you ... (read in full...)
How do I end this affair with a married man?
Q. So, I have been seeing a married man. Didn't find out until the third time we met that he was married, because something was telling me there was something not rite. We usually meet up about once a week for a few hours then go our separate ways. ...
A. 13 August 2009: Tell him you are not interested in dating a married man, and that you will be moving on to find someone single. You don't need to say any more than that. He knows he is married and he shouldn't be messing around behind his wife's back.
Next ... (read in full...)
He keeps trying to get in contact with me!
Q. My ex left me for his colleague last year. Until now, we are friends (which I regret). I could not say no since I know that he have helped me a lot during my hard times. Recently, he said that his GF (the one whom he left me for) has moved to his ...
A. 13 August 2009: I'd let him know that keeping up the friendship has been too painful, and to save your heart you are moving on. Tell him it was fun and that you wish him the best of luck with his life.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Why do some guys like to stay 'friends' with a former 'friend with benefits'?
Q. Why do some guys like to stay 'friends' with a former 'friend with benefits'??? I know some of you will say this is for 'back up' but not in all cases. There's this guy who i was friends with and slept with ONCE. He wants to be friends on the ...
A. 13 August 2009: He likes your conversation and enjoys your friendship.... (read in full...)
I really like him, but he's sending mixed signals and I don't know how to deal with it!
Q. I really like this guy but I am not really sure how he feels about me? he would say all the right stuff and get me all excited about having a relationship with him then he would withdraw it all by saying something to take it all back i.e he would ...
A. 13 August 2009: He doesn't know what he wants. If he was that interested in you, rampaging bulls would not stop him from asking you out and going for it.
That comment about marriage is a red flag that no matter what, odds are that you will not get married ... (read in full...)
If a guy says he only wants to 'CHILL' with you and nothing else..what does this mean??
Q. If a guy says he only wants to 'CHILL' with you and nothing else..what does this mean?? I REALLY like this guy and was hoping for a relationship but he says he only wants to "chill for now"....
A. 13 August 2009: It means he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you right now. So, don't act like you're in a relationship (that means no sex). Just relax and enjoy each other's companionship and perhaps it will develop into something more.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Why does unbelievable sex not drive a man to pursue it again and again?
Q. I've known this guy for a few months and he called me out of the blue. I go over to his house, we hang out all night and day, and have sex 11 times, I repeat, 11 times!!! He goes on to tell me he thinks that this is the best sex he has ever had. ...
A. 13 August 2009: Maybe he was only looking for a one time hookup. Maybe he is worried he can't repeat that amazing performance again. (11 times? WOW). Maybe he was seeing someone, they broke up, he had sex with you to get over it but now they've hooked back up. ... (read in full...)
He's making excuses and I'm sick of it! How can I tell him this without ruining anything?
Q. okay so this guy and i like eachother, we aren't dating because he doesn't want to rush...we have had these feelings for about a month! we have already had sex twice...i feel like this is going nowhere and that i am wasting my time...i don't want ...
A. 11 August 2009: Ending what? You don't have a relationship, he's some guy you had sex with twice. There hasn't even been a date so you two are just hookup buddies. If he wanted to date you he wouldn't bring up all these requirements and excuses, instead he would ... (read in full...)
I found out she had got another boyfriend whilst I was ill in hospital, but now she claims to be missing me!
Q. I had been in relationship with a girl for the last 1 and half year. One day, I was sick and hospitalized for about 2 months. the 1 week of sickness time my girlfriend is normal. After that she hardly contact me and when I did she has lot of ...
A. 11 August 2009: Please leave her alone. No hacking her password, no texting her, no contact at all. The fact that you still want to contact her shows how much power she still has over your heart. Let it go and the hurt will lessen more every day.... (read in full...)
Does he just want to hook up for sex?
Q. Same problem with my ex. Except we're not talking now because I chosed not to. I want to get back together offcially. He said to be friends and hook up so that he can see if he wants to get back. I said friends is fine but no hook up. (B...
A. 10 August 2009: Yes. That is a manipulative tactic he's using and you are smart not to fall for it. ... (read in full...)
I keep making the same mistakes, having affairs, what can I do to make this right?
Q. I keep making the same mistakes and can't seem to stop myself. I had an unhappy first marriage and after having my children I had an affair with my Husband's best friend and left my husband for him, he then didn't want to know me once I was single, ...
A. 10 August 2009: I think that you need to continue with therapy. It takes a long time to unravel destructive behavior patterns, but you have to keep trying for you and your husband. It is not cool for you to lie and cheat on the one you chose to be with. In the ... (read in full...)
Guys distract me way too much from my life goals...how can I stop doing this?
Q. Every semester, I always let some sweet talking guy derail me from my goals. The main reasons is that I can not really make friends at clubs because I want to transfer soon and have to stay focused. I also get extremely lonely and just allow a guy ...
A. 10 August 2009: Sometimes the strongest word we need is "NO".
Denying that you have feelings is a sure way to sabotage yourself. You can't stop yourself from feeling your feelings (no one does, no matter what they say), but you can stop yourself from acting o... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a married man...I'm torn and confused about what I'm doing here. Any help?
Q. I'm 19 and i'm in love with a married man. We met once, and we've just been talking over the phone. He sends shivers down my body to the point to where i don't know if i want to cry or have some type of sexual release. I'm a little worried, because ...
A. 10 August 2009: This man tells you that you two can never have a real relationship, and it makes you want to drop your panties? You claim you're in love with a man that you've only met ONCE? You're fine with dating a man who has no problem going back on his word, ... (read in full...)
Do you think she knows he's cheating on her with me?
Q. I'm 18 and he's 40 and married, and we have been seeing each other for about 2 and a half months. We usually have sex in his car or a hotel room. Once after we had sex in his car his wife said she could smell perfume, but he said it was his mums ...
A. 10 August 2009: How many questions are you going to post about this married man? It's a new thing with you every other week.
Anyway, she knows something is up, and this is all going to blow up in your face.... (read in full...)
Met another guy..how do I tell my current bf I want a break?
Q. Dear cupid, I met J online 7 years ago and we became friends. After two years of emails, letters and phone calls, he confessed his feelings for me. I did have feeling for J too at that time. We've been together for 5 years now and have met each ot...
A. 10 August 2009: Either stop hanging out with B and continue with J or break it off with J and let B know how you feel. You can't have it both ways. If you do break up with J, break up for real, don't go on this "let's go on a break" deal. Go whole hog or don't ... (read in full...)
Just out of a bad relationship and this other guy wants to date me. How do I tell him...I'm not ready!!
Q. I just got out of a tumultuous relationship with my child's father. I don't want to be in another relationship right away. I just want to hang out, mostly by myself, go back to school, take care of my girls and just get a grip on life. But my ...
A. 10 August 2009: Well if he is stupid enough to keep constantly pursuing, calling, and coming by even though you have told him no, you will have to stop spending so much time with him. Let him know that it's because he keeps pressing the issue. In addition, I ... (read in full...)
Is the married man I'm seeing the one for me?
Q. I really don't know how to put this without seeming like the bad guy or appearing incredibly stupid. But I am going to try as I really need advice even though it seems so stupid. I have been seeing a married man for over 2 years now. He is slightly ...
A. 9 August 2009: Cheating married men are the best bullshit artists in the world. They know how to feed you a string of lies to keep the sex coming and you hanging on hoping for more of a relationship. Is this the man you really want to marry, a man who has ... (read in full...)
Fell in love after internet relationship, now he's gone, did he fake the 3 years, we were together?
Q. As it says there, i really didnt know where else to turn. i don't have many friends left.. So i'll start from the begining. it all started when i was only 13, i'm now 16. it started as an internet relationship and i never intended it to go far i ...
A. 9 August 2009: Well, honey, he was not the man you thought he was. A guy that cheats on you is not a good match. Sure, you had an amazing connection and your relationship worked for a while, but once he cheated and those trust issues came out that wrecked your ... (read in full...)
If I'm so "nice" why do I get treated so badly?
Q. After failed relationships and a marriage, I have ended up alone, in debt, lost my home (to my ex-wife) and, apart from my mum, no other family. Women have never respected me or found me really attractive. When I met my wife, it was through a ne...
A. 9 August 2009: Wow, that's a quick change in three days. What happened? It was a 180 from your previous followup.
Believe it or not, your problem is actually quite normal. I can see now that it's self-confidence that you need (forget about arrogance or aggre... (read in full...)
BV is ruining my life
Q. Please help I have BV (bacterial vaginosis)and it's so embarassing... I've had it for 8 months and taking pills only seems to make it come back stronger...what can I do to finally get rid of it. It's really ruining my life and getting me down...I...
A. 9 August 2009: Try a product called Femdophilus. It's a probiotic that regulates the balance of bacteria in your vagina and often helps reduce BV to little or nothing. ... (read in full...)
It was only sex, I got attached, he didn't, should I move on?
Q. I had a summer fling this summer. It was nothing more than sex. It was GREAT sex to be honest. And, of course, I did get attached to him. But, I knew going into it that it was just gonna be about sex and he is a player. Anyways, I ran into him 2 ...
A. 9 August 2009: Come on now. If he wanted to see you, he would. Don't go making up excuses to see a guy who clearly does not care about your opinion. Move on. Consider the CD a souvenir.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
What can I do about his attitude toward my friends who are male?
Q. HI, i have a boyfriend that has a BIG problem with me havin home boys.... AND HEs always bring up a time where i went out with one of them.... WHEN WE were brokin up at the time i mind you... AND he hates that i had just friends when i lived with ...
A. 9 August 2009: Uhhhh NO, F all that noise. No one should cut you off from your friends, ever. Yeah, sure, he probably feels insecure about the one you dated but that is no, repeat no excuse for cutting you off from ALL of them. Like I said, F that noise. Drop ... (read in full...)
Want to move on, but don't understand why he left me, please help?
Q. i just get over him, he loved me but he left me without any good reason... i dont understand why is he doing this? dont know why he is being so horrible?...
A. 9 August 2009: There could be lots of reasons but they all boil down to that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. It happens sometimes...we end up with our hearts broken for stupid, lousy reasons. But you'll bounce back eventually. Just be patient with ... (read in full...)
Fell in love after internet relationship, now he's gone, did he fake the 3 years, we were together?
Q. As it says there, i really didnt know where else to turn. i don't have many friends left.. So i'll start from the begining. it all started when i was only 13, i'm now 16. it started as an internet relationship and i never intended it to go far i ...
A. 9 August 2009: There's more to this story. People usually don't flip out and end a 3 year relationship saying they'll never love you again unless something major happened. Maybe you don't know and he does, or maybe you both know, but either way that's the reason ... (read in full...)
Help! My boyfriend thinks I am a flirt and as a result, keeps breaking it off with me!
Q. I could really use some help, I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and I really love him, more than anything. We only ever have one problem. He thinks that I am a flirt, but I'm not and I would never do anything to mess this up, he ...
A. 9 August 2009: Why put up with this drama? If he can't deal with your so-called flirting, that's his problem. Life is too short to be with someone who wants to fundamentally change you.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
My cop boyfriend is obsessed with me! How do I get out of this relationship?
Q. Complicated... I am in a relationship with a veteran police officer. This relationship sucks. We started off while he was married, (yes it was wrong) and he left her to be w/me. Problem is ..to me..he's obssessed. I am not sexually interest...
A. 9 August 2009: Get together a safety plan. You can find a sample one at http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/plan.shtml and fill it out for yourself. Then run away, as fast as you can, and don't look back. ... (read in full...)
Married 18 years in a horrible marriage! I need to get out and move on, but I can’t..advice?
Q. Hello I am going out of my head and just need advice. I have been with my husband for over 18 years, no children. The last few years have been the worst of my life and I just feel completely and utterly trapped and alone. My husband and I hav...
A. 8 August 2009: I can tell that you have been through a lot of abuse and anguish and that it is very hard for you to think about leaving. Verbal abuse can do a real number on your self-esteem and I'd bet that some days you think you have none left. But you may ... (read in full...)
Advice on quitting smoking
Q. My boyfriend wants to quit smoking and have asked me to help him, I don't know how to. I never smoked either nor how addicting it can be. Are there any product that REALLY does help? Gum doesn't work for him. Plus if anyone know of reasons...
A. 8 August 2009: Try a book called "The EasyWay to Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr. It's worked for millions of people. I am using it myself and I swear, the more I read the more I hate smoking period.... (read in full...)
I feel men lack a moral compass
Q. I have issues with men and am not really sure what else can be done. I dont like feeling this way and dont hate men but I simply feel that the majority of them lack a moral compass. I look around the world and see rapes and murders daily on the news ...
A. 8 August 2009: First, take what's on the news with a grain of salt. Rapes, murders, fires and whatnot make the news because it titillates people and keeps them watching. It is NOT an accurate guide to the world around you. Nice, normal people do not make the ... (read in full...)
I love him and I don't want it to end...what can I do?
Q. I dated this guy for a year, and in January we broke up b/c I found out some things about him that he had been hiding from me. Our relationship had a lot of ups and downs, mainly b/c he had issues with commitment. However, for the most part I ...
A. 8 August 2009: Well what is he doing to resolve his past issues? Is he in therapy? Is he at least reading some self-help books? He sounds like he has a lot of digging to do on himself to resolve his control and commitment issues. I would not expect much from ... (read in full...)
Boyfriends sister goes to psychic and it seems to cause problems between him and I
Q. My boyfriend and I always fight if our relationship last for a week we are lucky. Whenever we spend time together things are great right after I leave, he's not himself. He just have sudden mood swings. Sometimes I wonder if his bahaviour is due ...
A. 8 August 2009: You should worry about the fact that you can't spend more than a week with your boyfriend. Why are you still together if you fight every week like clockwork? That sounds like too much stress and drama to me. I doubt his mood swings are due to the ... (read in full...)
Married but thinking of leaving the past is just too much to get over
Q. I have been with my husband since I was 17 Im 25 now he is 29 now. He is an alcoholic/recovering alcoholic and he has doen some and said some horrible things in the PAST and thats my problem. I cant seem to forget about the past. He also seems to ...
A. 8 August 2009: There's nothing wrong with you. I think it would be good for you to go out and get some help and support. Have you tried going to Al-Anon and getting some counseling for yourself? I think both of those will help you find the answers you are ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex get back with me?
Q. I recently got back together with my ex. We broke up for many reasons, but one of her biggest issues was I could not enjoy the moment, I overthought everything. I never thought she'd get back with me but contacted me out of the blue. I don't r...
A. 8 August 2009: Have you considered that if you ask why, she'll know you're slipping back into your old habits?
Obviously she wanted you back in her life and that's why you're together. I think you need to try to ignore that voice sometimes, or distract it by as... (read in full...)
How do I win back the heart of my ex?
Q. Hello, I was wondering if you could help me with some advice. I would appreciate it so much! I am in the process of getting my ex back. We spent a few months apart after he broke up with me. I dated other people, only to discover all oth...
A. 8 August 2009: If you're not a couple, don't have sex with him. Why should he commit to being your official boyfriend when he is already getting everything without a commitment? Instead, pull back and cut off the sex. You two are back in the dating stage, not ... (read in full...)
I really want our marriage to work, what can I do?
Q. My husband left a week ago. We have been married just over a year and he has only been home for 3 months. I had some trust issues with him before he left, he was drunk one night and made a mistake it was nothing physical but it still hurt the same. ...
A. 7 August 2009: I think it would be a good idea to go to counseling by yourself. Maybe there you can work on your own personal issues and how they play into the arguments you two have. Also, you can learn how to manage conflict and let go of your control ... (read in full...)
I found out she had got another boyfriend whilst I was ill in hospital, but now she claims to be missing me!
Q. I had been in relationship with a girl for the last 1 and half year. One day, I was sick and hospitalized for about 2 months. the 1 week of sickness time my girlfriend is normal. After that she hardly contact me and when I did she has lot of ...
A. 7 August 2009: Don't reply. Someone who can't be bothered to come see you while you're sick and cheats on you is not a good match for you. Leave her alone and find someone better, a real lady who will treat you will the love and respect you deserve.
Good ... (read in full...)
Trying to survive the family
Q. My entire family (sisters and their husbands/partners, nieces, nephew, father, etc.) is descending on me in a few days. There has been some tension because of how my mother's last days/months were handled, and other things. Now we will bury her ashe...
A. 7 August 2009: Oh man, family. They are just so crazy sometimes! My family loves to argue and it always stresses me out. I find it's best for me to hold my tongue and make jokes until it's over.
Good luck and hang in there. They won't stay forever!... (read in full...)
I need smart opinions on how to handle this jerk
Q. Ok, so me and my ex were finished 3 months ago. Somehow we managed to still keep in contact because of some important things. Sometimes we would be rude to each other on texts and send harsh words to each other. Later we will realize that we should ...
A. 5 August 2009: Send him a certified letter informing him of the amount owed and the due date. If he doesn't pay up, take him to small claims court. There is no point dragging out this mess any longer. What he thinks of you is irrelevant. Get your money!
... (read in full...)
I need to leave an impression when I leave, but I don't know how?
Q. I split with my ex 18 month ago I found out she was seeing someone else, I caused no trouble I walked away, we both work together etc as does the other guy but that hasn’t worked out. Since the split we have no really managed to find any common ...
A. 5 August 2009: What for? She made her decision when she decided to see someone else. It's over and dead between you two. Go on and live your life and leave her to her misery.... (read in full...)
I don't see how I could be in love with him..
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months now and everything has been ok up until the other day (we've had the occasional argument but what couple hasn't) but the other day everything changed and now i don't know what to do. Me and my...
A. 5 August 2009: First, please stop hurting yourself. You are a good person and you don't need to hurt yourself, for anybody or anything, ever.
Second, that was very cruel of him to say he hates you and to talk about you behind your back like that. What he says ... (read in full...)
If I'm so "nice" why do I get treated so badly?
Q. After failed relationships and a marriage, I have ended up alone, in debt, lost my home (to my ex-wife) and, apart from my mum, no other family. Women have never respected me or found me really attractive. When I met my wife, it was through a ne...
A. 5 August 2009: Your problem is that you have no self-esteem. Ladies like men who like themselves. It doesn't matter how a guy looks (though it helps, NGL), if a man likes himself and radiates that out to others, women will flock to him like there's a 90% off ... (read in full...)
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