A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please can i have some advice/feedback from the guys on this. I need to know if these things would put you off a girl, or if you actually do not care about these things and it wouldn't even be a factor in anything. i am 32 single, female and worry that i just don't have anything to offer a guy. i am quite pretty, I get looked at and chatted up in bars etc (usually by twat men, as that is all i seem to attract) but... i do not have very much going on my life. i also look really young - most people think i am about 23 or 24. when i tell them i am 32 they fall of there chair and always same thing "NO WAY" I mean really you would not believe it. It does come with problems though as i never meet man my age and at work not taken as seriously as others. i think i also act younger as its my nature and so probably come across mid 20's. The other things are the fact i am in a (potentialy interesting) job that is ok, but not great. i am mid level, but i am on a very low salary. only £30k a year (think about 45,000 dollars) i have had lots of different jobs, i was a dancer originally and then broke bones in foot at 19 and that ended my career. I then became a makeup artist for 3 years, which I loved, but no money in it, so I decided to go to uni and get a degree and then ended up in field I am now. i did also have a stint as a high school drama teacher. So lots of things...i don't love my job, but it is ok, but i worry that i guy would be put off the fact i earn so little and i am 32! plus i have had so many different jobs and lives. i also live in a flat share with 2 of my good male friends, my flat is lovely, but my room is the box room. as in single room. it is tiny. i do have a small double in there, but it is tiny tiny room. I am planning on buying my own flat but can not afford it till next year (this time next year) it will then be only a 1 bed as house prices in london are crazy and i can only afford 1 bed and it will probably be not in a great area or great looking (although i plan to do it up) what i need to know is does this all put you off a girl of my age, because i still live with friends at 32, and the fact i sleep in a box room and the fact i earn a low salary and look so young? As a guy in his late 20's - mid 30's would you be put off me because of this. i just feel like my life is rather pathetic and that i don't have anything to offer. Most of my friends own houses/flats or are in great jobs on 50k a year. i feel like i am nothing thanks
View related questions:
at work, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): You have choices and you choose to live in a shared flat with an allocated tiny box bedroom. Why do you stay there? Why not move and share with women who you can/could socialise with? You look young, so lucky you,theres a multi million pound business, surgeons,and a load of expensive treatments that women use to look years younger.Wheres your problem,why do you want to look older?You have an excellent income,there are families struggling,both parents working,for less than your on.What are you looking for in a man,do you want him to earn more than you,have his own place in London? Do you want a 20 something man? Ask yourself.Do your current flatmates not have a social circle of men friends,have they introduced you to any?The competition for dating in any city is huge,you need to stand out as confident and happy You have everything going for you so show it
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): Hi,
I think that you're definitely forcing yourself needlessly into a difficult position...okay, so you look young? I don't think it's a problem for guys in the slightest...look on the bright side; when every other woman will be old, pale and pasty, you'll be looking youthful!
As for the job and salary issue. I think that you're probably comparing yourself too much with folks who earn 50K plus. Whilst you did get out and get that degree, I think that you need to realise that not everybody earns 50K+ let alone 30K...I think that the average combined household income in the UK is only 40K. I myself had a similar salary to yourself...I've got a science degree, am 34 soon and was working for a billion dollar firm here in the UK (doing a PhD now)...and you know what?...I was only earning around 35K (plus bonus) so really, at your age you're not too far off!...at that salary, I think any guy would want to date you!...oh, and as for not having a property?...I think you need to realise that the average age for being a first time buyer in the UK is now 35 so thinking that you're pretty late in having a property is definitely a misconception. I know loads of people that are renting!...I had my own property (I'm a crazy saver) but had to sell it and am now renting...does that make me less date able?...God, I hope not!.....plus, why on earth should it bother guys?...because you think you're late in standing on your own two feet?...trust me, you're standing pretty tall!
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 January 2013):
 It sounds that your low self esteem is self perpetuated and you're in a downward spiral due to loneliness. Please go invest some of your income in therapy. Your "resume" sounds delightful so you should not be in a depressed state of mind. And...what the heck are "twat men"? Never heard of that one.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 January 2013):
 Hi
Most people in London share its so expensive to live here. And 30k a year is not shoddy at all - your living in the most expensive city in the UK so it won't go as far as say in east midlands.
The fact you have retrained and have a job from that,saving for your own place, shows a responsible person who's focused.In fact your lucky nowadays to HAVE a job.
I don't think your situation would put any man off unless he was an idiot. Stop looking at what everyone else has or is or does. Your in a very competitive city and expensive, so be proud of yourself and your achievements. If your easy going,happy and out there, theres no reason men will be put off, alot are probably in the same position
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): I wouldn't. But I'm open minded I don't care what kind of job a person has or what they do with their life as long as we work well together.
OP there are going to be picky guys just as there are picky women but any guy who is put off your life is an idiot in my opinion that could possibly be passing the chance at a great partner out of some idiotic materialistic concerns.
Now your age is a factor and only a fool would ignore that. I'm mid-30's and most women my age are settled or wanting to settle because of the whole biological clock thing. Most people had the idea that they'd be settled and married etc by that age. A lot of guys will be looking for a woman your age to settle with, or guys may think you want to settle fast given your age and may be put off by that. But I must say OP those kind of guys are rare enough.
By far the most off-putting thing about you is this "i just feel like my life is rather pathetic and that i don't have anything to offer. Most of my friends own houses/flats or are in great jobs on 50k a year. i feel like i am nothing"
You're not happy with you're not happy with your life or yourself at the moment and that's a very unattractive quality. We don;t want to be your "solution" or your escape, we want to share your life and happiness. Without confidence and some self-belief you'll find it tough.
You need to stop looking around you and comparing yourself to others. You could be on the dole, living with your parents and still be appealing to guys as long as you're happy with who you are and your life.
Enjoy your life, stop comparing yourself negatively to others and to some weird view of where you think you should be. Life doesn't always go how we expect it to and how much you earn is only important to dickheads not worth dating.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): First of all, let me tell you that $45k a year for one person in US for a woman is not a small salary at all. It's net 3k a month. And with 3k a month you can afford a pretty good life here. I live in Miami, and with that money you can buy a very nice apartment with 2 rooms, close to beach and have more than half of you income still left, and save a little.I assumed judging by your post that it's not enough to have a good life like this in UK, but this reaction you will probably get from people from other countries.Actually it's irrelevant how much money you make. Your attitude toward yourself needs to improve greatly.You look young, so, is it bad? Wait till you reach 40:). 32 is still very young, and you already have a good job, you are talented, I don't see how there is nothing going on in your life. So what your friends make more money than you? Lots of my friends have bigger houses, and much more money than us. You judge yourself based on your salary, and the fact that you don't have a house. I don't think that a normal guy would be turned off by your salary, and if he is, then would you even want someone like that?
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (12 January 2013):
 Not at all, you have got alot to offer, you have a good job, your pretty, and you look younger than your age. From and guy's point of view, and i probally speak for most guy's, i would not be put off by this atal. You live with your friends and your planning to buy a flat next year, this is a good thing. Stop thinking of reasons why a guy would not want to go out with you and start thinking of all the reasons why he would, you have alot of positiive aspects, focus on them, you have alot to offer.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (12 January 2013):
 I doubt a man would care, men still like to be the providers it's in their DNA! Only in London would your wages be considered little, so you could always go for a man in another part of the uk. I know quite a few people who still house share in their 30's, they also live in London so I suppose it a house price thing as I live on my own for less where I am. Love is a weird thing, it's not about your assets it's about 2 people getting on for whatever reason.
...............................
|
