A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been telling me that he is thinking about having sex with other girls. He thinks about how exciting it would be and what kind of things he can do to other girls. We are both aware that he is addicted to sex, and he falls into the addiction cycle every now and then. In fact, out of anger that I wasn't around, he had sex with other girls before. But I forgave him because I know he loves me, and I see this as a problem that we should solve together. But I don't understand why he is feeling this way. Is this normal? What should I do?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Tinking about it(or fantasizing) is only normal. You need to take a deep breath and read up on the whole male phsycology thing.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Well of course you THINK about it. But our higher functions lead us to NOT do it if we are in a committed monogamous relationship.
DO you want him to have sex with other girls? IF NOT, then do not forgive him. DO not allow it. He can reign it in if he desires to. Clearly he does not need to since you will forgive him.
Are you allowed to have sex with others? Would he forgive you?
IF so consider entering the swingers lifestyle… you can go to sex parties together then.
My story: I was in an open marriage. It ended when my husband realized that in addition to him having his girlfriends, I wanted a boyfriend on the side too. He could not cope with an open marriage that allowed his wife to have a partner too.. only he could play…. Now I’m married and I DO NOT SHARE. My current husband and I got together when I was married to my last husband and he just expected that we would be open. We are not. AND guess what… HE’S FINE WITH IT.
So you two have to figure out if you want monogamy or open… once you decide what YOU BOTH want… then you can figure out if the relationship is workable.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 January 2013):
 i think you may have been with this guy for long enough to cloud your judgement of what's normal, OP.no, this is not normal. it's not normal to stay in a relationship where your boyfriend is telling you he wants to hit it and quit it with other chicks while you faithfully stand by and "support him in his walk with addiction." yes, people do have sex addictions, but that doesn't mean it's your responsibility to be his doormat while he tramples you. it's not okay, under any circumstance, to have the person you're with sleep with other women just because you aren't around at that particular moment. now, if you agreed to an open relationship, that's one thing. but if not, it's another. i fear that you've gotten so used to this behavior that you see it as normal now. i hope you realize it's not. sometimes it's easy to get caught up in an unhealthy relationship and forget what is and isn't normal, and what is and isn't okay.the only thing i can see as a remote possibility, is if he agrees to counseling and you two can work this out together. other than that, i'd be out. good luck.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Don't be so concerned about HIS feelings!
Look: he showed precious little consideration for YOU, did he, getting into a snit because you weren't around and going off to have sex with other girls.
It's HIS problem - but he appears not to see it as such.
If I were in your shoes I'd tell him to go and get on with it, if that's what he wants to do - but he needn't expect you to be around waiting for him to come back!!!
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Hi
I think you should worry more about yourself and ask why you are willing to tolerate a boyfriend who cheats, tells you he still wants sex with other girls and what he wants to do, in other words,totally disrespects you.
He MIGHT have an addiction problem but it's his to sort out and clearly he isn't.
So what does that tell you?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 January 2013):
It may be somewhat common but it's not "normal".
There's nothing you can do except encourage him to go to counseling or to just put up with it.
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