A
female
age
41-50,
*afiabayes
writes:Why doesn't he want a intimate relationship. My partner and I have been back together for 7 months. We have never had a active sex life but did manage one of twice a month maybe but it's been almost 3 months and he shows no interest in me sexually at all, in fact I feel more like his companion than lover. He makes little digs at me sometimes by saying things like ' bet your well up for it' or gets touch with me then when we go to bed all I get is his back. I have given up as I feel sex his a tool to him, one to use when he feels like making a connection when he knows its falling apart and then when he's got me back he with draws it. We aren't loving to each other, gods knows how we managed to have 2 kids. I don't want to live a celebute life but I'm not begging for sex either. I've ignored it and thought well he must be going with so let him. I checked his computer and he does watch porn so he is interested. What's the best way to get him to stop this control game he seem to think he has!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 "back together for 7 months"
how long were you apart?
how long were you together before that?
why did you split up?
what made you think it would be better this time?
if he's not loving towards you in any way, why do you stay?
my hubby and I are newlyweds and rarely have sex but he's loving and affectionate with me.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 The mention of good sex is missing maybe you two are not meant for each other.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 You said it, you are not loving towards each other, he rations sex like he is drip feeding you. Why would someone feel affectionate towards a person you no longer love? Did you get back together for convenience so that you are closer to the children? I think he doesn't feel affectionate towards you, but you have agreed to be with each other, so he's giving you maintenance sex, at the minimum, to keep you from straying. It's good that loyalty is important to both of you even when you don't feel attraction. You are not married. I would assume that you wanted but he never does. When you were apart, did either of you hook up with other people? Ideally in a relationship things flow and you don't need a score point system. Obviously you got back because there are more benefits to staying with each other, whether financially or for the children, and that benefit is not more sex.
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