A
female
age
30-35,
*licia89
writes:Ive been married for 5 years and it just now hit me that for the past 2 years we have had communication issues. For example every time i try to talk to my husband he doesnt reply to me all he says is "ok" and i tell him well give me your opinion and he says okay.. Like he doesnt communicate with me. Like right now i told him you know know lately you dont play with jr (our son) and then he just turns around and goes to sleep. I know he loves me but i just dont know what to do. This is not the first time i try to communicate with him without crying i feel as im the one trying to communicate and his not helping at all. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 When it's all said and done,it's pretty much this; Men and women communicate in totally different ways. 1.Women want to share feelings and men have been taught that feelings are for girls. We have them but talking about them is almost gay-like. When he says everything is fine, why not believe him and drop it? The more you push, the more he'll pull. If it jus HAS to be talked about write it down and ask for a response in writing. That probably won't work either unless the "problem" is a real big one. If it's just little stuff then he's not going to play your game of debate everything.
A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Without communication, you simply don't have a relationship.
Putting up with your ignorant husbands behaviour is a green light for him to continue treating you this way.
You and your son deserve a lot more from this man and I think you are within your rights to demand that.
Have you considered relationship counselling? It may sound like a drastic step but honestly, a third party can often see all of the problems and the solutions because they are not emotionally involved. Its well worth thinking about - convincing your husband may be another matter but do have a go - I can promise that this would be a massive step towards fixing things.
Alternatively, you could carry on trying to talk to the man. Be more insistent that he does listen to you. If you say something and get not response, repeat the question as many times as necessary to get through to him.
It's quite clear that he isn't going to change on his own so its you that needs to change tactics here - just for the moment.
There may be reasons for him being like this but I'm not about to go delving and looking for excuses for him and I don't suggest you do either.
The surface issue is that he ignores you. Keep working on that until you either cant take it any-more OR you get through to him.
Ultimately, a relationship where there is no communication isnt actually a relationship at all. So unless you get this sorted out, you are heading for the end.
Good luck though.
Google relationship counsellors to find somebody suitable. It needn't cost the earth and it will probably be the best few dollars you ever spend.
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Perhaps the problem is he is feckless and lazy and couldn't give two hoots. What a catch!
What kind of Dad doesn't play with his son? I feel sorry for the poor boy.
You need to tell him to start bucking up his ideas and saying "ok" all the time is not acceptable. Don't nag him. Just tell him once.
This marriage is not going to last if this continues.
ACTIONS speak louder than words. And he doesn't seem to be acting.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (8 January 2013):
Hi there. Perhaps part of the problem is the TIMING, of when you say something to him, or ask for his opinion on something.
For instance, when you mentioned to him that he doesn't play with your son very often, he just rolled over and went to sleep.
Which then means, that he was already in bed, and he was half asleep when you spoke to him.
So the chances are very high, that he hardly heard you at all anyway.
At other times when you asked for his opinion on something, he might have been watching something on television, and so only partly heard what you said.
So he was distracted, to say the least.
Serious conversations need to be done in a very controlled environment.
Meaning, that you are:-
(1) Both wide awake.
(2) Not intoxicated by alcohol.
(3) That it's just the two of you.
(4) The televison is switched OFF - so there are no distractions.
So that you both have each other's complete undivided attention.
This is SO important.
Perhaps when you are alone, you could get a notepad and write down the things you would like to talk to him about.
And list them, one by one - so you don't forget any of them.
Well, at least list anything important enough for you to WANT to talk to him about. Such as playing with your son.
And when he gets home from work, and after you've had your evening meal, say to him something like this - "(His Name), Now that we have finished our meal, I would like to talk to you about something that is really important to me."
Then walk into the room where you would normally relax and watch television, and sit down comfortably together.
Leave the tv switched off.
And if it is already on, then turn it OFF before you begin.
You want complete quiet when you are talking to each other, so that each of you is heard and listened to, without any interruption.
If something is worth talking about in the first place, well then it is worth doing it properly and in the right environment.
And then you know he DEFINITELY will listen to you.
You can count on it.
So really, it's not so much that you don't communicate so well, it's more that you don't choose the right times to ask him something.
So it's a case of you choosing WHEN to have a conversation with him about something which is IMPORTANT to you.
It will make a HUGE difference, I promise you.
If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): If you tend to cry a lot then no wonder he just says ok to everything its cos he's afraid if he gives his true opinion you will cry if it's different from yours. Communicating means doing more listening than talking. Doing kore empathizing than emoting. When the other person doesn't want to talk to you (and saying ok all the is an example of getting you to leave them alone) its usually because in the past you didn't listen to them you just talked at them and called it communicating.
...............................
|
