A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can some actually explain to us women what happens when watching porn? Does it make the man feel like he is having sex with the woman on the screen? Apparently I am told they are not watching it to pretend they are the man in the video. I am confused what are they getting off on then, I don't understand it other than it feels like it is happening to them.
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female
reader, VenusFlowerBasket +, writes (15 December 2012):
I have to agree with person12345 on this one. If I had found out about my partners porn use earlier I probably wouldn't be with him now.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (14 December 2012):
 "It's no more a lie of omission than not telling a girl you think she's fat. I guess we should tell everyone, everything and have no privacy just in case that thing is something they don't like? I don't think so."
That's a ridiculous comparison and you know it. Being honest about a woman's weight is not a major factor in 50% of divorces. Porn is.
"Cheating is not the same at all and you know it. Cheating is something that is defined as wrong in a relationship by pretty much everyone even cheaters, porn isn't unless it's stated as such. "
No I don't know it and neither does the majority of the female population. Just because you say it isn't, doesn't mean it is. The majority of women do not want porn in their relationship and feel devastated when they learn about it.
"A guy does not need to know if his penis isn't your favourite, a girl does not need to find out that she hates porn if she's never even thought about it too much and has never had to face it in a relationship. Why force her into position?"
Most cheaters don't get caught either. If a woman was on here asking if she should be bothered but isn't, I will never ever tell her she should be bothered. But if she does find out about it years into the relationship and is bothered, then you've trapped her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): With all due respect you seem to think there's some kind of intentional deceit here, there's not as I said it was about privacy, these aren't great lengths either. These are skills every teenage boy learns from hiding his masturbation habits from his parents and siblings. The only thought I had to put into it was writing it out.
Again you answer none of my points, just rehash the same argument under the presumptions that it somehow has to be said. It doesn't, most people don't give a damn. It's no more a lie of omission than not telling a girl you think she's fat. I guess we should tell everyone, everything and have no privacy just in case that thing is something they don't like? I don't think so.
Even if I were to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow, I will never, ever question a woman's opinion on my porn usage as it's not important to me in a relationship. I'll always just assume she's fine with it and leave it at that, but not shove it in her face. If she doesn't like porn then it's up to her to state that and go find a more compatible suitor.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 December 2012):
"It would be lying by omission if I thought the woman I was seeing wouldn't like it, I never thought that."
If you never thought that or think that then why do you put so much effort into completely eliminating any evidence? If you thought she would be fine with it, there's no reason to do that. There's a difference between not rubbing it in someone's face and spending large amounts of time figuring out how to make absolute certain that she never ever finds out.
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female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (14 December 2012):
Most women I think will automatically assume their boyfriend is only looking at them because they make the mistake that their boyfriend will also think it's bad to look at others.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): "It is lying by omission."
No it's not. It would be lying by omission if I thought the woman I was seeing wouldn't like it, I never thought that. if I was dating a woman like you that I knew didn't like it and chose to hide it then that's lying by omission. Is it lying by omission to not tell your boyfriend he's not the best sex you've ever had or that you've had bigger penises in the past that felt better inside you? No, it's just not something you'd ever need bring up is it? Why would you tell him that without being asked? Would it be lying by omission if I didn't tell my girlfriend she looked better with less weight? No, again there are just some things that don't even need be said. (for the record I don't think that)
Cheating is not the same at all and you know it. Cheating is something that is defined as wrong in a relationship by pretty much everyone even cheaters, porn isn't unless it's stated as such. Everyone assumes cheating is wrong, and the vast majority of people, men and women don't see porn in the same way at all. Most people actually don't mind it or like it.
I didn't hide porn so it wouldn't become an issue in the sense that the woman might hate porn, I honestly never considered it to be a thing because I didn't really date religious people which I assumed were the only ones who'd care, that's only an idea I recently came up with. I was discreet about it because my masturbation habits were always a private thing for me. My private fantasies and I prefer to keep them to myself. It's only in hindsight I can see that it's a good way for it to not become an issue.
Person12345 I think we can both agree it's important for people who find these kind of issues important or deal breakers to outline that as part of their relationship. But I think you can also agree that there are some things better left unsaid too if it's only going to create problems and don't break any of those conditions.
A guy does not need to know if his penis isn't your favourite, a girl does not need to find out that she hates porn if she's never even thought about it too much and has never had to face it in a relationship. Why force her into position?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 December 2012):
If you went "oh Angelina Jolie is super hot" it's a completely different thing from going "oh Angelina Jolie is super hot" and then going, finding naked photos of her and masturbating to them.
It is lying by omission. I read your article and you clearly put a lot of effort into making sure there's zero trace. If someone was cheating on their partner is that OK so long as they were really careful to make sure their partner never knows about it? It's still deceitful. You wouldn't be putting so much effort into hiding your usage from past partners if you didn't think they would be extremely upset by it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): To be honest when I have a boyfriend I rarely look at other people at all I feel guilty.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): Oh and I wasn't lying to anyone, I was never asked.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): "You don't know if they would have been bothered because you were lying to them and never got caught."
Exactly, I kept it discreet and it was never an issue. Whether they would have been bothered about it is irrelevant because they never had to face my usage.
It's not irrelevant at all, women don't like porn from the point of view that they don't want their partner looking at other women sexually, well they look at other guys sexually in the form of actors and pop stars too. I mean come on, is it then okay for me to masturbate to an Angelina Jolie sex scene in a movie? That's not porn, I mean she may be naked with her tits out but it's not real sex, so I guess it's fine to have a wank over that as long as it's not fake? That wouldn't be okay for most porn haters either. Is that apples and oranges too?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 December 2012):
Cerberus you have admitted that you have completely hidden your porn from many of your previous girlfriends. You don't know if they would have been bothered because you were lying to them and never got caught.
Gushing over a celebrity is very different from going out of your way to watch them having sex so you can masturbate to them. Men "gush" over celebrities as well, you are comparing apples to oranges. For every woman I've heard say Brad Pitt is hot I've heard a man say how gorgeous Angelina Jolie is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): The women who have a problem will just have to find someone who does not do this, there must be some people. It can't be that difficult in life to find someone who doesn't annoy you, other people have managed.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 December 2012):
 FWIW, I am a woman in my 50s and I agree with Cerberus on the porn issue (and most other issues) as well.
I'm not insulted when my hubby looks at other women. Porn or otherwise....
He's not insulted when I look at other men or women (I'm a non-practicing bisexual)
While I no longer seek porn out on my own (I have been known to watch it when not in a relationship) I will watch it with him if he asks. Usually he prefers to rub one out in private...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): "If you look it up on google cerberus it's a problem for a lot of people. You are lucky you have a relationship where two people aren't bothered about porn use."
20 years of long term relationships, dating, short term flings in 4 different countries and I've never once had it become an issue in any of them.
The first time I saw any evidence of it being a problem was on this site.
"Why do men consider themselves lucky if their girlfriend likes porn"
I don't consider myself lucky at all just because she likes porn, just normal to me. I'm lucky to have her in many ways, but liking or tolerating porn is not one of them.
"doesn't mind it is that because they are allowed to look at other people, isn't that very insulting?"
I don't understand what you mean there. We all look at other people. We don't become blind when we enter a relationship, no one, no even the "eyes only for my partner" people stop finding others sexually attractive, that just doesn't happen.
I don't see how it's insulting for either partner to still appreciate beauty in others, besides while some women may find porn a reason to be insecure or jealous, you'd be surprized how many men find the favourite actor or pop star their girlfriend gushes over the same kind of issue. But it's acceptable for women to gush over usher etc. and swoon when they hear his music and guys just have to accept that or they're told they're being stupid, it's just a fantasy etc. Well that pop star stimulates far more powerful emotions in a woman than porn ever will in a man. Tiny bit of a double standard there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): If you look it up on google cerberus it's a problem for a lot of people. You are lucky you have a relationship where two people aren't bothered about porn use. Answer me this;
Why do men consider themselves lucky if their girlfriend likes porn and doesn't mind it is that because they are allowed to look at other people, isn't that very insulting?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): "She could also be doing it on purpose to try to make you insecure so you can better understand her."
Haha nice childish tit for tat technique. With exactly the response you'd expect.
I still think it's crazy how much of a battle ground this is for a lot of people.
Never had these issues.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 December 2012):
"My girlfriend is very insecure of me seeing porn. Still, it does not stop her from watching it and commenting on the size of men`s penises. I think insecurity and double standards go hand in hand most of the time."
She could also be doing it on purpose to try to make you insecure so you can better understand her. There are a lot of comments on porn threads here advising women to do this. Have you two tried talking about it?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): My girlfriend is very insecure of me seeing porn. Still, it does not stop her from watching it and commenting on the size of men`s penises. I think insecurity and double standards go hand in hand most of the time.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (13 December 2012):
I think Cerebus below put it best.
That said, anything that provides short term gratification has the potential for addiction. There is some scientific evidence that it can modify some structures of the brain if consumed enough, esp at a young age.
If one can control it in moderation, I dont see a problem with it. That said, there are many who cannot control it in moderation....
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (13 December 2012):
 Porn for the win. Its about creating fantasy cause its exciting.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 December 2012):
"I got no respect at all for them. I think they have no decency, yet I get off hearing them do nasty things."
This is why porn is harmful. Do you realize how much of a hypocrite you are? You dehumanize these women and act hateful towards them, but you rely on them for your sexual gratification.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): I watch porn to make masturbation go faster and stronger. I do try often to think about women I know and try to make scenarios in my head, but it's hard sometimes to get in the mood. Relief is lukewarm.
So... I watch some porn and all it takes is a few minutes and then I don't have to watch it anymore. I close my eyes and finish the job. Sometimes, just plain sound, no image at all, will give me the lil boost I need.
I'm not turned on whatsoever by "classic" things. I rather look for things that I will never do in real life and are just fantasies. Rough sex, gang bangs. Things like that. Watching porn can make me get a nice orgasm in just a few minutes.
Honestly, I couldnt care less about who is in these videos. I got no respect at all for them. I think they have no decency, yet I get off hearing them do nasty things.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 December 2012):
Scientists have wasted a lot of time on this, but when people in general watch porn the brain thinks what's happening on screen is happening to them. It's called mirror neurons. Even if the person isn't consciously thinking, oh I want to pretend this is happening to me! That's what the brain is doing and that's why it's arousing. Your brain thinks it's having sex. That's why people like porn.
Also this notion that men are more visual or men have a need for variety is pure nonsense. Men and women are equally aroused when shown porn and women are aroused by a larger variety of images. And in similar studies women were just as (in some studies more) hooked by novelty than the men were.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (12 December 2012):
Not much is going through a guys mind as he masturbates! Before porn I would usually dream of past girlfriends, but i am even saved that effort now! !
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): Absolutely nothing, the whole idea of porn is to take the thought out of masturbation. Instead of having to sit there and dream up a sexual scenario to get aroused, just throw on a video of a penis in a vagina and arousal is pretty much instant, and the release doesn't take too long after that.
I don't feel it is happening to me, I feel my hand is stimulating my penis and the porn made me aroused quicker. That's it.
We all need some kind of sexual point of reference when we masturbate, whether that's a fantasy we create in our mind or whether it's a scene of two people having sex.
I mean could you just masturbate right now without thinking any sexual thoughts? Say masturbate thinking about the economy? I doubt it.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (12 December 2012):
 What I've been told is that it is a quick release, easier to do than to dream up creative things to masturbate about. It isn't about pretending you are in the screen with the female for majority of men, it's the act themselves which turns you on and allows you to masturbate. When I used to watch porn it was for very similar reasons, I wanted to get off and it was the easiest way to do so because it's sex images right there. Sex turns people on. So porn is used as a quick release. Very little thought is put into it.
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male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (12 December 2012):
 I don't believe that anyone can completely explain what makes a man or woman orgasm through masturbation, simply because we all have different sexual responses.
Many men watch porn to masturbate.
I say agin - WATCH PORN TO MASTURBATE.
Many women do too. On average, men are visual creatures, i.e. they need to SEE sexual activity to get aroused, while women are sensual and need to feel or be touched. But while many men tend to brag about their masturbation methods and regularity, many women tend to hide the fact that they even masturbate at all.
I am not sure why that is.
The Gossard Big M survey concluded that 92 per cent of women 'take time out' to masturbate.
So I have a question.
What do YOU think about when you masturbate? What do you feel like? Are you fantasising about an actor, a celebrity, or even an ex touching you?
Do you set the scene? Do you wait until you are all alone, or in bed at night, so no-one will ever know you play with yourself?
If you think about what makes you as a woman masturbate, and WHY you masturbate (if you admit to doing it at all), the answer to why your man 'takes time out' watching porn and jacking off may become apparent.
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A
male
reader, Eddy Hannah +, writes (12 December 2012):
Men in general are stimulated by visual image's and "respond," more often than not, to an image (female nudity) but are certainly not imagining themselve's as the star beau in these flick's!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Ironically, we watch the guys more than the gals. We're typically enious of the guy's size and wish it was ours and he was home watching us. Insecurity about our ability and size drives us back to envy more and wish more. It's and endless circle but eros drives out fetish for bigger packages. Since the guys doing porn are usually abnormally large and it turns on thier parners so much it's more convincing than ever that we are never going to REALLY be able to measure up so to speak and our partners will always be wishing for more. Sad but true for me and my closest friends anyway.sorry you asked now?
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male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Iv never watched porn and thought about having sex with the women, I think most men watch it and get off on the act that their watching
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male
reader, Myau  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Nothing goes through a man's mind while he watches porn.
I've been told that women watch sad movies, because they need an emotional release.
Well Men watch porn for a sexual release. That's pretty much it. I doubt the guys can even remember what the girl they were watching even looked like.
Its never a commentary on women or a relationship.
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male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (12 December 2012):
Whether you believe it or not, men are visual and our sexuality is very basic. Clothes on a girl= bad. No clothes on a girl= good. We like to look at naked women, which is why lesbian porn is even more fun, since there are more breasts on screen. Naked girl good. Naked GIRLS better. That's all. If this sounds painfully simplistic, so are men. Women always try to find the same layers, subtext and indirect thinking they themselves have in us men, and it just isn't there. NEVER try to overcomplicate us. Sorry if this is depressing, but we're depressed too because strange women never approach us on the street or in nightclubs offering drinks or dinner but actually hoping to have sex with us. And we can ALWAYS orgasm.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): It's pure sexual arousal. You've heard the expression, 'pushing his buttons'. With the infinite variety of porn out there, you can find something that pushes whatever button you need pushed at that particular moment. It's about the act, not the actress.
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