A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So this is the problem, this guy I really liked we met on a night out and instantly hit it off, we were attracted to each other so much and i don't know how this came out in our conversation but we ended up talking about how many people we slept with and when he went to ask me I ended up saying I had slept with someone already. The thing is I wanted to be honest about it, I was honestly going to. But it was the comment he made beforehand about how being 21 is really old to still be a virgin, that it would be pathetic if we were both still virgins at our age and then he said me sleeping with one person is nothing for a 21 year old! It made me feel really insecure how he thought it was pathetic and then how he made it sound like I was sad for sleeping with just one guy! So you can understand why I ended up lying, i shouldn't have but I said it without realising what i'd done, but god knows what he would have said if i told the truth.But that was two months ago and we've grown closer now, i know he was an arrogant dick when we first met, the comments he made were just insulting a lot of the time. But i ignored it because i really liked him, he's actually now my boyfriend and we've sorted things out, he's warmed up to me a lot and over time he's turned into this sweet, really nice caring guy! My friends say that they reckon he acted that way thinking that's what girls like and to seem like a lad. In fact he said he didn't realise how rude he was and doesn't know why he made those comments, but he's actually impressed and respects that i have slept with one guy. The dilemma is, I keep stopping us getting to that stage of our relationship because as far as he knows i've already had sex, he doesn't know I haven't slept with anyone and i know i should tell him, but i'm worried he'll wonder why I lied, or in fact feel annoyed that I lied to him. And lets say he does really think that it's pathetic i'm still a virgin, i'll be so embarrassed. But the sexual tension is building up so much and I'm ready and I want to badly but i just can't bring myself to tell him because I'm so scared of what he'll say and how annoyed he'll be that i lied! I don't know what to do? :(
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insecure, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): You shouldn't be so easily influenced by other people. If he genuinely looked down on you over the fact that you were a virgin, there would be something very wrong with him. I agree with your friends, he was probably just trying to sound "cool". The only other possibility I can think of is that maybe he's a virgin and feels insecure about it. I don't see why else he would even make a statement like that. Just be honest, if he gets upset with you over something this small, then this is the least of your worries. Good luck!
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 you should wear virginity with pride..it's so easily lost and will never be returned so be very careful of the one you give it to as he will remember it forever and your entire life will be set upon the foundation of just how it was given away or taken from you. you're a virgin once take care of it.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (16 October 2012):
 Relationships need honesty and communication. If you are afraid to talk openly with him, then you shouldn't be having sex with him. Just tell him you lied when you first met because you were embarrassed and he was acting like such an ass that you didn't want to be publicly humiliated at that time. It's reasonable. Although you should've fessed up by now. If he makes fun of you or finds you pathetic for being a virgin??? Lord who would care?? Kick his ass out. He's obviously immature and a total asshole if that happened and I'd be glad to find out before giving my virginity to him! By the way, being a virgin is a GOOD thing. Why you are both acting like its a curse is beyond me. You didn't give it up easily to someone you didn't care about, you waited until you were an adult for sex, you aren't a whore or easy. Those are good things. Hopefully you wait with this guy until you are able to talk openly, easily and honestly before losing your virginity to him. Your first time will not be special otherwise, he will just be some guy.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (16 October 2012):
 This is ridiculous! You don't have to lie about being a virgin, in fact, I thought it was a good thing if you saved yourself for the right person and didn't just give in to peer pressure and have sex with the first guy you met!
If this guy doesn't want to be with you because you are a virgin, then you know exactly what he wants and you're better off without him.
I'm more concerned about the guy, though, I mean he sounds like he thinks he's some cool dude because of his theories on sex and virginity. How many girls does he say he's slept with? Are you sure you wont be just another conquest?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): You can eithera) tell him that you haven't had 'that much' experience yet, so it will make sense that you don't seem like you know what you're doingb) confess honestly, and say you were embarrassed so you lied but are happy you will get to share this experience with him
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): I have never seen or heard of a guy being put off that his GF was less experienced than previously believed. Not once the relationship is already rolling. Seriously, it does not happen. Guys are not girls. They don't heap status on sexual experience like girls do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): Trust me. If a woman told me she was a virgin, and I liked her, I would be OVERJOYED. The girl that I like actually has standards and doesn't give everyone her body? Oh my, oh my!
And like the previous poster said: if he leaves you over something like that, he's a reject.
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A
female
reader, fireball  +, writes (16 October 2012):
 Honesty is the best policy.
Here's the cold hard truth - If he earnestly respects you, he'll respect the truth from you.
If after you tell him, and he rejects you - - - He's fit for the REJECT pile himself.
Underlying lesson in all of this: Don't try to change yourself to suit someone else. Find someone who accepts you for you - Virginity and all.
Quite honestly, the way you described his earlier comments when you first met, he comes across as very immature.
TRUST is the foundation to every relationship. Without it, there's nothing.
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