A
male
age
41-50,
*sper1
writes:Hello everyone im back!!!! My wife and i have been together for thirteen years. I was her first for everything. The problem with my wife is she has regrets for things she missed out on. I know cause when ever she makes comments like how she wish she did this or she didnt get to do that it rings an alarm in my head and its been going off alot lately. So what bothers me is how she feels the need to have a fan which she thinks is a secret. What i mean by this is through out our relationship on and off she's had a male freind who is really attracted to her. Yet she is commited to me? I've been spying on her conversation for a while and i can tell he is the type that goes through lengths to flatter her and compliment her. His exsistence is to know about her, her mind her likes, dislikes etc. I know that so far things havent gone to far for him because whenever he would make an aggressive comment on how he feels about her she disappears.(cellphone conversation) (he lives in FL we're in NY). She would stop talking to him for a few days or change the conversation. He's a doctor thats doing very well $$$ just think hes kind of the social weirdo. Shes a driven person so they have that in common.But why does she entertain him. Then in my spying i find out she tried to work her majic on another guy who she works with. Different ball game. im not into men but he really good looking. like almost exotic. He wasnt so hypnotizzed and turned down her attempt to have breakfast one morning. She's made like sulbtle flirtatious comments to him with no avail. i honestly think she wish she could wrap him around her finger like the other one. i know that if he would have agreed to meet her she would have lied about where she was because she knows how i feel about her hanging out with other guys. I feel betayed. her need to have this side to her even if she hasn't gone to the physical lenghts. Is too far. i confronted her without reveling all the knowledge that i have. to not lose that resource. i only confronted her on her fan. She has some type of guilty nature. But refuses to stop talking to her fan. i have confided in a relative who thinks that she is in control. i want to go crazy with the proof i have so far but feel i should also keep a close eye. you might wonder how have i kept my cool for so long and its because i see how she manipulates him. Ive tried to be that person and its almost like she wont let me in. She feels that we are alredy always together. Last we are great together( house, kids, dog even golfish lol) we just came through a rough and stressful time in our lives but we are looking forward to the positive future. What do i do about this hurdle. Right now im forgiving and not pressuring her. And she is all over me. (guilty)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): I personally think it's kind of wrong for any married, or taken person to give someone of the opposite sex the attention that you deserve. What she's doing is "emotionally cheating"... however, that doesn't mean she would necessarily ever cross boundaries and go to physically cheating on you. I have been on both sides of this situation. Before my now fiance' and I were very serious, I had friends that made me feel better about myself and even probably used just for that reason. Then, later on in our relationship, he talked to a girl online and it CRUSHED me. He made plans to meet up with her, even. I confronted him, and strangely, it was almost good for our relationship. He felt so bad for hurting me, and did everything in his power to prove that he didn't want to be involved with any other woman. He rarely even checks his email now, since then. We've grown so much because of these hurdles and I only hope that you and yours do, too. Good luck.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 Failure IS an option.
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A
male
reader, vsper1 +, writes (16 October 2012):
vsper1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you mandy i love it how you put it. I am my wifes number one fan. At times when she hasn't looked her best ive always let her know how beautiful i think she is.(natural beauty) She tells me im married to her im supposed to say those things. Once she told me that its nice to know she's still got it. She never really lost it she just didnt care at times. Maybe due to our cicumstances. Hot date planned for tonight;) Thank you for taking the time to read my stuff.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (16 October 2012):
 HI
you need to read back what you have written, and there is your answer.......this man goes to great lengths to flatter your wife!!!! maybe because you don't anymore and she is feeling nelected? sounds like she needs attention and if your not going to give it to her she will seek her ago boost elsewhere, I don't for one minute think she would "cheat" on you, she just needs to feel attractive, sexy, wanted, loved. Most women will at some point in her marriage feel like all she is good for is housework/kids/and everything else thats not exciting anymore.. I think before you go in guns a blazing try wooing her yourself, get that old spark back and add some excitment into your lives.
Mandy x
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