My girlfriend's brother is a problem
Q. I have been seeing my partner for almost 2 years, and our conversation is now turning to moving in together. We both have our own houses and the plan is that I will move in hers and rent mine out. Decision based in part on her work commute, I work ...
A. 12 April 2022: Good for you to have had the chat with her and perhaps "making" her see why you felt it wasn't realistic. I get why she got upset, I'm sure she has a lot more faith in her brother, but I think she needed to hear that. Also, imagine the Brother's GF ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's brother is a problem
Q. I have been seeing my partner for almost 2 years, and our conversation is now turning to moving in together. We both have our own houses and the plan is that I will move in hers and rent mine out. Decision based in part on her work commute, I work ...
A. 8 April 2022: Let us know how the chat goes.
I hope she will realize that she is babying her Brother and that isn't helping him, her, OR the relationship.
... (read in full...)
My partner is drinking too much. How can I help him?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 years and he's always liked a drink. Recently though I've become really worried about how much. Throughout the week he will drink vodka, he started putting weight on about 2 years ago when he switched from...
A. 6 April 2022: He is an alcoholic. A high-functioning one.
At some point, he will just be an alcoholic.
He drinks 9 LITERS of alcohol a week! That is ridiculous!
Is he trying to kill himself? Smash his liver to a point of liver failure?
I would sugg... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's brother is a problem
Q. I have been seeing my partner for almost 2 years, and our conversation is now turning to moving in together. We both have our own houses and the plan is that I will move in hers and rent mine out. Decision based in part on her work commute, I work ...
A. 6 April 2022: Actually, OP
I really enjoy all the updates, it gives a better perspective of what is going on. So never feel that you shouldn't do that! It's great.
One thing I have learned in my long-ish marriage (we are at 25 years this year) is that be... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about my partner being defensive about his cell phone?
Q. So me and my partner are both in our early 30's. We've been together for nearly 10 years but its probably been the most stressful time of my life. I do love and care about him. Im alwayd hoping things will get better. He cant hold onto a job more ...
A. 6 April 2022: You are worried about his protectiveness of his phone?!
Sorry, that should be the least of your worries!
You have been together for 10 years and he has cheated on you, gotten an STI, lied to you, and can't keep a job! HOW is that being a goo... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's brother is a problem
Q. I have been seeing my partner for almost 2 years, and our conversation is now turning to moving in together. We both have our own houses and the plan is that I will move in hers and rent mine out. Decision based in part on her work commute, I work ...
A. 5 April 2022: I think FA hit ALL the important points.
You do NOT have an issue with the Brother, you are NOT dating the Brother.
SHE is being wishy-washy with her Brother and babying him because it GIVES her another 18 months to NOT move in with you.
IF ... (read in full...)
I want out of this marriage
Q. I'm trapped and don't know what to do. I want out of my marriage but don't know how I can do it, my partner is a good bit older than I am 17 years my senior, and goes from being over attentive and loving to cold and completely degrades me usua...
A. 4 April 2022: "Yes he does work hard, and deserves to reap the rewards, but that doesn't mean he gets to abuse me does it?"
Absolutely not!
No.
My advice? Seek legal help. If you can't afford it, seek if Citizen's Advice can help you out.
You are marr... (read in full...)
I think my mom likes my sister better
Q. I think my mom likes my sister more than me you may be asking why? How do you know that? Well, I have some observations that will tell you how I think that my mom like my sister better. First of all, whenever me and my sister get into some kind o...
A. 4 April 2022: Are you the older sister?
If so, it's not uncommon for parents to have "higher expectations" and different rules for the oldest child. Totally unfair, but not uncommon.
I have 3 daughters and I love them all unconditionally, I have no favorite... (read in full...)
Fancy me?
Q. I really need help -I need to know whether this guy fancy me or he is checking something else: Scenario 1: He'd be checking me - noticing little things that I wear... but may be it is his job as he is the big boss... Scenario 2: Since I've kn...
A. 3 April 2022: OK, OP
YOU need a huge dose of chill the F out!
You JUSt landed a new job. That LAST thing you should concern yourself with is whether he "fancies" you or not.
Be more professional, OP
You come off as if you live in some romance novel, ... (read in full...)
How can we get help while in China?
Q. We're an American expat couple who've been in China since 2018 when my husband got a promotion and we moved there for his new job. No kids, just us two. I'm a "trailing spouse" and legally can't work. Well, I could work under the table but we'd b...
A. 3 April 2022: Hi there,
Might have to wait it out until the contract ends. It's "only" 2 more months. I would presume it's possible to leave China once his contract is over. BUT... It's impossible for most people to know what you guys can do.
However, IF I... (read in full...)
My son looks at gay porn on his phone
Q. My 15-year-old son went to school recently and left his phone at home. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but despite myself I had a look through it. He’s always on it and I guess I just wanted to see what sort of thing he was looking at and t...
A. 3 April 2022: One option is to, get him a flip phone that he can call and text from, no more internet access kind of phone.
While 15 year olds are naturally curious - porn is NOT the way to learn about sex or relationships.
Yes, your son might be gay or ... (read in full...)
I cant deal with the behaviors of my son and husband
Q. I've become very concerned about my husband and son's behavior recently. My son is 14 and learning from my husband it's OK to imitate Kanye West's behavior, the two of them have suddenly become very misogynistic and make crude jokes, and spamm...
A. 3 April 2022: Hello again, prolific fantasy writer.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is regressing back to a teenager
Q. I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years after meeting during our first year at university. We had a daughter four years ago, which wasn’t planned, but we both adore her. My problem is, while I’ve matured and take...
A. 3 April 2022: 1. OP there needs to be a rule about NO FU|CK|IN|G smoking in the house and around the kid!
Your child doesn't need to be exposed to secondhand smoking!
As for what taking up smoking might mean? Who knows? Maybe to alleviate stress or becaus... (read in full...)
Is my husband having a mid life crisis?
Q. I’m think my husband could be having some sort of midlife crisis. He’s 45 and during our state's lockdown had become obsessed by fitness, and lifts weights and runs every day. At first, I thought it was a good thing, but now he’s become critical ...
A. 3 April 2022: Have you ever met a former smoker? 90% of the people I know who quit smoking would just not SHUT up about how bad smoking is, and how awesome they are for having quit, etc. And while I fully agree that smoking is a nasty and dumb habit to get into, ... (read in full...)
My partner left me for a man
Q. I am in bits after my partner announced he developed feelings for men but kept them bottled up for years. He feels better for telling me and insists he still loves me — but has met someone else recently who he loves as well. I am 48 and my ...
A. 1 April 2022: "We have been together for 25 years and engaged for 20."
What? 20 year engagement? Talk about dragging his feet!
"We're not actually divorced, but it feels like we're living as a divorced couple."
And no, you are not divorced because you... (read in full...)
My husband left me for my friend
Q. My husband left me for one of my close friends. Not my best friend, but someone I've known since I was 18. He admitted he's been dating her since February, not even that long for it to be an affair! He's known her since he was 26 and I introduced...
A. 31 March 2022: First step lawyer.
Secondly, get your kids to talk to someone "neutral" both you and your husband are perhaps doing some parent alienation here. While I understand your anger, the kids don't need to be dragged into this mess your husband created.... (read in full...)
My fiancé wants us to move to New York
Q. Hello. I've been with my fiance for 4 years, but only engaged since February. Last night he told me he had made a decision which would change our life massively; he said he wanted to move to New York City and get a job in Broadway. On-...
A. 30 March 2022: First off the theater business in NY is on life-support at the moment due to Covid and over 2 years of being almost totally shut down.
So your fiance thinking he can just waltz in a get a job that pays enough to live in "East Village or part of ... (read in full...)
We're thinking of retiring in London
Q. Hello there. Me and my husband have been discussing retirement plans, as he's retiring in July. Looking forward to that. What he wants to do is retire to London, and spend time enjoying the city; he also wants to spend time with American expa...
A. 30 March 2022: I lived and worked in London from 1989-90 and loved it. But I was also VERY young and London was a different place than it is today.
First off, I get the dream. I have traveled a lot and have dreamed of living "there" or "there" many times. R... (read in full...)
How can I negotiate us back to friends?
Q. I really wasn't sure how I was going to write this but I know this was a mistake that I wish I thought more about. I met a man from the Philippines online through a game we played together, we chatted on and off throughout the game and we beca...
A. 29 March 2022: Best of luck, OP!
And know this, from reading your original post it was clear that you actually understood what was going on, but you didn't see it clearly because you were (are) too close to it.
So your instincts are spot on!
I'm not s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me he tried swinging two years into our relationship. Is this a dealbreaker?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I love him. I thought I knew all there was to know about his history when he revealed to me he had taken part in a swinger's party when he was younger. Whoa, hold on a minute Fred!!! I was tongue tied and...
A. 29 March 2022: "Could this be a dealbreaker?"
That is entirely up to you and YOUR preferences and boundaries.
"He tried it once, who is to say he will not want to do it again? He told me he did it but did not like it and never did it again."
That ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never wants to spend time with me
Q. I don't really know how to start this off so here I go, me and my boyfriend live about 23 minutes away from each other, I'm 15 he's 16. lately I've been feeling like he doesn't want to hang out with me and when we text he's super dry, ill send ...
A. 28 March 2022: Hi OP,
I think your BF "wants" a GF, he just doesn't want to put in the effort and work that an actual relationship takes.
That might be because he has no experience in relationships, in being a good BF or because he can't be arsed.
One th... (read in full...)
How can I handle this so that she learns what she needs to learn without making it too awful for both of us
Q. Hi everyone I found my girlfriend of 6 months has been cheating on me for the last month. So i'm going to break up with her, I just don't know what is the best way to do it. I'm a bit older (29), than her (22), so her being a bit immature and ...
A. 28 March 2022: Yeah, I'm with Ruby.
How did you find out?
And you are sure this isn't a brother? That it is romantic?
Yes, some of it can be chalked up to immaturity, sure. However, I know many people who have NEVER cheated in their 20's. Who for cert... (read in full...)
What's the deal with my husband and his sexual preferences?
Q. I'm 40, married for 7 years, one child who's 5 years old. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband; we're very happy with our daughter and our life. We have a good sex life. My husband in his day-to-day life is the very serious professo...
A. 28 March 2022: I think it's OK ( if not awesome) to SHARE your fantasies and explorations with your spouse. However, I ALSO think it's OK to set some boundaries if there are things HE wants to do that you DO NOT. (or vice versa).
I think having a chat (when NO... (read in full...)
How can I negotiate us back to friends?
Q. I really wasn't sure how I was going to write this but I know this was a mistake that I wish I thought more about. I met a man from the Philippines online through a game we played together, we chatted on and off throughout the game and we beca...
A. 27 March 2022: Hi OP,
I think in this case you need to accept that you can't go "back" to just be friends. You might WANT that. HE doesn't.
I think that has to do with the fact that YOU have accepted reality. That you two in fact CAN NOT really have a re... (read in full...)
Oral sex and the boyfriend
Q. My question is about blow jobs with my boyfriend. A while ago he told me he thought they were overrated and he's never been interested in receiving them from anybody he's been with. I didn't think it was because I did them badly because I've bee...
A. 25 March 2022: What he said, THAT you didn't listen to, was HE isn't into blowjobs.
You thought because other partners before him liked it, that he is a male, HE should too.
Everyone has preferences.
While it is rarer ( I think) for men to not enjoy ora... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he’s not bothered that I cheated, is he just playing mind games?
Q. I told my boyfriend last week that I cheated on him and he didn’t get upset or angry, or even seem the slightest bit bothered at all. Ever since he’s just carried on as normal and says we should just forget about it and move on. Now I can’t tell if ...
A. 25 March 2022: "Is he a cuckold or polyamorous? Is he now expecting a free pass to be able to have revenge sex?"
Only HE can answer these questions.
Could be that he isn't as invested in the relationship, or that he too has cheated, or that he wants to date... (read in full...)
I found emails between my boyfriend and his ex
Q. Hi all. I have a question. I am not sure if it's something I should be worried about. My boyfriend moved to my area a month ago and we have been exclusively dating. We enjoy each other's company and get on well. When we have sex, he doesn't reall...
A. 25 March 2022: So he met you, started dating you then dumped her and just monkey-branched from her to you?
If so, I would not be surprised that he could go back to her if you don't turn out to be (in his eyes) "better" or "easier" to date.
NEVER date so... (read in full...)
My mother lacks empathy for me
Q. I am sorry for this long message but I am hurting. I have reached a point in my life where my I am very much disgusted with my mother's mentality. More and more I see a toxic woman who never see her toxic ways. I was reflecting on my life, and ...
A. 25 March 2022: "How can I build a relationship with my mother if she lacks empathy for me?"
By accepting that THIS is who she is. She isn't that "fantasy mom" you would have liked to have or hoped she would be.
Instead, she is "this person".
That... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's 'your friends or me' ultimatum
Q. looking for some advice on a particularly toxic situation in my relationship I have been with my partner for just shy of 2 years. a few months ago she found some screenshots of a conversation I had had with a female friend of mine which crossed th...
A. 25 March 2022: Well, OP
I don't blame her for this. Sure, it happened before you started dating her, but she has NO chance of knowing it happened because you really rather be with this other woman. That she is just the "consolation prize", the second choice, ... (read in full...)
I found emails between my boyfriend and his ex
Q. Hi all. I have a question. I am not sure if it's something I should be worried about. My boyfriend moved to my area a month ago and we have been exclusively dating. We enjoy each other's company and get on well. When we have sex, he doesn't reall...
A. 24 March 2022: Hi OP,
Thanks for the follow up.
""only thing keeping me sane right now." "
Sounds like a "woe is me" kind of thing to say, to garner sympathy. Why would he need sympathy from his ex, is the question.
Did he mention you at all? Mention a... (read in full...)
My husband's former mistress now lives across the street
Q. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 5 years. 2 years ago we bought our first house together. Now, 4 years before we met he was married and cheated on his wife. He never kept this from me and was always honest about it. He was unha...
A. 23 March 2022: For me there is only one solution, Selling and moving.
I would not want to TRY and pretend that it doesn't worry me. This is just not good at all for your relationship.
Does it mean you don't trust him?
Yeah, somewhat but it's not UN... (read in full...)
I found emails between my boyfriend and his ex
Q. Hi all. I have a question. I am not sure if it's something I should be worried about. My boyfriend moved to my area a month ago and we have been exclusively dating. We enjoy each other's company and get on well. When we have sex, he doesn't reall...
A. 23 March 2022: Some people are cordial with exes, or a single ex. Some cut all contact. It really varies.
I think unless he also stated to her that HE misses her and all that jazz that he is probably being polite. People can be dense when it comes to this.
... (read in full...)
My friend hasn't spoken to us since we bought a bigger house
Q. Last year me and my husband (child free by choice ) sold our property for a bigger house. We wanted more space and we’re very lucky that our house sold quickly and we were able to find a house we liked. Our friends around the same ...
A. 23 March 2022: Let them stew a while.
The wife probably is dealing with pregnancy and post-baby hormones, which are just sucky for some people. And the Husband probably just following her lead.
I'd mail the gift for the baby (if possible) just with a card... (read in full...)
My fiancé wants to help others
Q. My fiance told me yesterday he wants to carry on the magic of Christmas year-round to deserving people. But here's the catch; we're not mega-rich. Not poor, but middle-class. He says apart from the presents (who doesn't like presents at Christm...
A. 22 March 2022: Why not find one of the MANY MANY charities that help people in need? Or charities like "make a wish foundation"?
I don't really see how anyone can build a profitable business giving stuff away.
And yeah, having a business that isn't profi... (read in full...)
Learning to communicate my boundaries
Q. Dear Agony aunts and uncles, Firstly thanks for all your hard work. I learn so much from all your responses and the time/energy you take to help people. Mine is a simple question, after years of therapy, I'm plenty aware of the benefits of boun...
A. 22 March 2022: I think it's GOOD that you have found your own boundaries if they work for you.
What I would suggest is to NOT waste time "explaining" YOUR boundaries to people you feel are not compatible with you and your way of life.
If someone is const... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my friend's older brother
Q. Hi so I have a best friend and I absolutely love her brother but he a. Has never acknowledged me once and b. Is like 4 years older c. He might by dating someone but I don’t know. What should I do should I try to get closer to him or should I just m...
A. 22 March 2022: My advice?
Stick to "just" having a crush on him. You are 16, he is 20. 4 years might not seem like a huge gap, but it IS at this age. Think about it, would you at 16, date a 12 year old? Because that is the same age gap.
Plus he is your frien... (read in full...)
My long term boyfriend doesn't want anything serious
Q. Hi, aunts! So, my boyfriend of five years has been playing hot and cold with me for a while now. At first he was pretty interested but never showed any interest in getting married. He never talks unless I am the one calling or texting him and ...
A. 21 March 2022: I agree with YCNBS,
Your BF is using you. He doesn't care for you as deeply as you care for him. "He doesn't even care if I am with him or not." That is cruel, OP
I think you should wish him well and end it. Block him from all contact and move... (read in full...)
My mother is pushing religious education on my baby
Q. I’m a new mom, just had a baby three months ago. My parents are evangelical Christians, and I was raised in church (speaking in tongues at age 8, that was me)! But I grew up to be agnostic and I want to raise my daughter to be a critical thinker ...
A. 20 March 2022: For little kids, stories are just that, stories.
However, as the child's mother, YOU should be able to "veto" what YOU find appropriate reading material.
My advice?
Pick out a range of books YOU approve of and tell your mom that THESE are ... (read in full...)
Teenaged Son got his girlfriend pregnant and its amess
Q. My son is 17 and got his girlfriend, who's 16, pregnant. They'd been dating for 2 months, since restrictions on COVID were partially lifted in our state. Well, I say girlfriend, but my son's heartbroken after his girlfriend told him she ...
A. 20 March 2022: Well, the first bit of advice I'll give is that your son needs to ask for a paternity test and then NOT talk to the "ex" until there is a positive paternity result. Then he needs to get a lawyer and figure out how to get visitation, and sort child ... (read in full...)
Why is the instructor acting weird now?
Q. Hi, so I have a strange problem which is not exactly something to do with love... I've been going to this Zumba class for a few months now and the instructor is a nice young guy who everyone is crazy for. I have to admit, I even had a crush on him ...
A. 17 March 2022: That was a fast divorce OP!
Only last week you were married!
Yeah, I think you need to stop living in this "la-la fantasy land" of yours and grow up.
... (read in full...)
My friend always seems to land on her feet
Q. Okay so I expect there will be judgement my way on this but the subject I'm writing in about it really bothering me. I know a woman for over thirty years since we was seventeen years old, I guess in those years I would say a friend. I'm not ...
A. 17 March 2022: OP,
Jealousy and bitterness are an odd fish to live with.
You are comparing yourself to her. Yet, I think you have forgotten that LIFE isn't fair. And even good people can get shafted in life.
You might think (looking in on he life t... (read in full...)
My ex is sending me mixed messages
Q. I come out of 4 year relationship. It’s been a few months break in meeting although we spoken daily by phone. Recently she made contact, and we have been speaking about our issues after things have calmed down. However I feel she does not giv...
A. 17 March 2022: "I’m so confused and I’m ready to move on, but I want to give it everything I got before I accept it."
You two broke up for a reason (or reasons). ACCEPT that.
Usually, when a relationship has broken down and people (the former couple) try and ... (read in full...)
Is my straight friend flirting with me or is she just joking?
Q. Curious for some opinions here. I'm an out gay female. A new girl started working at my job recently. She's roughly my age and straight. Seemingly the boy-crazy type of straight. Never been with a woman before. Which is what is so confusing to me ...
A. 16 March 2022: Personally?
I think you need to shut this down ASAP.
She is a RECENT acquaintance and co-worker to boot, not some rando to flirt with.
Could she BE bi-sexual? sure.
Could she be playing mind games? sure.
Could she be one of tho... (read in full...)
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