A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I've been with my fiance for 4 years, but only engaged since February.Last night he told me he had made a decision which would change our life massively; he said he wanted to move to New York City and get a job in Broadway.On-stage, behind the scenes, doesn't matter, he said, he just was fed up of our small-town life here where we lived and that NYC was "the ideal place to live".We live in a small Texas town, not the cowboy and rodeo stereotypes, more urban than that, but yes, folksy people is part of our town's charm.He said to me there's only so far he can go, living and working in a small town, working at a 7-11 as a temporary job, and that Broadway offers better pay, better opportunities and we'd fit in well with NYC living.He also said that it's a new challenge for him, new skills for his CVHe really wanted to live in somewhere like East Village or part of Manhattan for his job, so he could commute in.I'm worried I won't be able to find a job there; currently I work as a caregiver for adults with Down's Syndrome in a day center in a town about twenty miles away. I've been in the job for 4 years now.Would I even be able to find such a job in NYC?My fiance has never been into theater or anything like that, but he claims "it's about the money, better than working at a 7-11 for the rest of my life". He's told me it's about the money.I like my job and my social circle but wonder if I'll even be able to start from scratch; I'm active in a Filipino-American Association due to my cultural heritage, as my mom's 1/2 Filipino-American, and she's gotten me involved in that as she's involved in it herself, she's always been passionate about that.Would I be able to find a social circle like that in NYC?I'm worried over financial issues but think my fiance has been too obsessed by glitz, glamor, stardust etc. and wondering if we can swing it financially.I like New York City as a vacation destination, but living there full-time?I doubt I'd be able to do any of my other hobbies aside from the Filipino-American association; I own a modded Subaru WRX and don't think I'd have much chance to use it in NYC, let alone take it to a racetrack, although a membership at Monticello sounds tempting, but for a young couple such as ourselves, quite expensive??I'm active in that scene as well, always have been.I hate it when people assume I'm a tomboy for liking cars and knowing about it, it's just somethign that runs in my family; I like fashion and being girly but people assume I'm faking that part and expect me to dress tomboyish.FWIW, I prefer dressing in crop tops and skirts over hoodies and jeans with trainers, it's just me; nothing sexual at all.Onto that issue, I've never really dealt with that well within the "scene" of modded cars, some guys there hated that and I've had bullying over it; I thought we were a live-and-let-live, progressive society?Surely a woman liking cars doesn't mean they're a tomboy?My fiance is very accepting of it, not so for other guys.But back to my main point, is moving to NYC even reasonable for a couple like us, with me earning $35k a year in my job, or according to those do-the-math sites, $2,500 a month, $15 an hour, my fiance earns around the same as me too; in total, we earn $70,000 a year, according to my math.Surely, living in NYC would be more expensive, a drop in living standards, for us anyway?I enjoy my job, but am considering as a side project, being a content creator, not for money though, just for trying something new; good way to combine both my hobbies?He is slowly doing research, but is NYC just too much of a pipe dream and something only really for people who are single and young professionals?In general, would I be the breadwinner?I know my Texas qualifications would be partially ignored, I'd have to have 8 hours of professional qualifications from Professional Association of Caregivers, which I've got, and be licensed in personal care.Has anyone here made the move to NYC so we know what we're into?Neither of us have connections there, no friends or family, so it'd be a complete reboot of our life.Wouldn't it be expensive for my parents to come and visit; Mom and Dad live around an hour away from me, my fiance's parents live across the state line.My fiance told me he'd known for 18 months he wanted to do this.Looking for some advice on how to deal with this major change.Am I wrong for having all these concerns, and supposing outcome A happened (we move to NYC) what would it be really like? So far I think outcome B (he quits his job and gets another job) is more likely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2022): We get a lot of posts from wannabee-authors, trolls, and people trying out their talents as playwriters, and just from rascals trying to be shock jocks! The thing is, we're not that gullible; but for the sake of people who have a similar or related issue in the realm of reality, I will humor you. I just might be wrong, and you're legit. I like to play fair, even if the jokes on me!
In the event your post is real, and note that I'm skeptical; I'd say your fiancé is chasing a pipedream. It's better to take a leap of faith with the support of others; but unwise to drag other people with you when you're risking it all. If he is adamant about this, I suggest that you postpone the wedding for a couple of years.
OP, use your common sense; and consider what you'll be risking. Like the lottery, the odds are in the millions to one that people make it big on Broadway, in entertainment, or in the music industry. It's an endeavor better sought on your own; so you're not dragging someone else's life into the unknown or oblivion. NYC and Hollywood are full of dreamers and schemers, but reality set-in; and they ended-up homeless, on drugs, in prostitution; or realizing they'd might as well get a job, and put those dreams to rest.
NYC, even with a good job, will eat all your earnings just for a place to live! Unless you want to live like a cockroach, or a rat; or live with them! Even people living on 5th Avenue tip around rodents running the streets at night; or have to fumigate for vermin and pests on a regular basis! Add that to the cost of living!
Let him follow his dream. If he comes back, and you still love him; pickup where you left-off. Meanwhile, stay put, and take care of yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2022): Since I happen to know quite a bit both about living in Manhattan and the NYC theatre scene , I could go on and on imparting you tidbits of useful info , like that you MUST have an Equity card to work on Broadway , and it's not easy to get one ; or, that nowadays a crummy one bedroom in the East Village would rent for around 3500 $ monthly, so way more of what you can afford on your income . But what for ? This is just the umpteenth troll question , and not even one of the funny ones. I prefer those with the pet cavies, LOL- or the transgender tightywhites wearing Chinese/Canadian/Mexican husband. Please OP since nobody can convince you to stop trolling us- at least be kind and troll us with something entertaining !
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (30 March 2022):
Aww C'mon Trolly... Two nearly identical posts in a row...? Can't you vary it a little?
We've had a 40year old husband wanting to join the Australian army. Another who wanted to flip burgers at Disney Land (his wife also worked with people with Down syndrome too) And then there was the 47yo partner who wanted to to move somewhere and take a job as a paramedic or an ICU nurse as a stop-gap job whilst looking for something else - everybody knows that nurses and paramedics are highly trained professionals!
And your last two "wanting to move" posts seem to be just as deliberately ridiculous. Just about everybody (even non-Brits) knows that London is just about the least car-friendly city in the world.
And in this post your partner wants to up sticks to NYC to find work on Broadway. Just about everybody knows that NYC is hellishly expensive and that acting is one of the most unstable professions. Broadway must be full of hopefuls, many of whom will have trained at the best drama schools and STILL can't find work.
And in just about every post you wander whether you'll "fit in culturally".... because you're transracial or transexual or just generally tomboyish. And you usually mention the cars you drive.
What's it going to be next? A same-sex couple who are oh-so-confused about whether they're twinks or bears wandering whether or not they should move to Brunei?
(Go on, Trolly - I dare you!)
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 March 2022):
 First off the theater business in NY is on life-support at the moment due to Covid and over 2 years of being almost totally shut down.
So your fiance thinking he can just waltz in a get a job that pays enough to live in "East Village or part of Manhattan " seems like a pipe dream.
Your ethnic background is not going to stand out in NY or any other huge metropolitan area. Nor how you dress. No idea why you felt that was important to include?
What REALLy matters is this, DO YOU want to go there and live?
Do you have enough savings to make a go of it? It might take a while to find jobs let alone accomodations.
If this is what he REALLY wants to do, then WHY doesn't he go ahead and do this? If he is successful YOU can consider joining him ONCE he has a decent place to live and a decent enough job to cover your expenses while YOU find a job?
As for your modded car... I would have no clue what NY has to offer there. Though, paying for a decent garage I would presume would be pretty expensive. And a car like that... shouldn't be left out in the elements and weather in NY.
Sounds more like a fantasy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2022): Your fiance is talking to you as if this is all his decision and you have no say in it. That - for me - would be enough to call off the marriage. You are a person in your own right, you should have as much say in your future as he has in his. You have a right to decide about where you live and your job and income too. He totally forgets all that.
The other thing which is just as important is this. Your fiance is talking like a child who has a dream of a better life but with nothing to offer. Moving to somewhere where there are well paid jobs does not mean you get a well paid interesting job. They don't pay good money for nothing.
I own a business which has interesting well paid jobs online. Every week I get about 100 dreamers writing to my office saying they want to work for me. None of them have any qualifications, talents or skills, just the urge to make a lot more money online. Not enough to take seriously.
He is doing the precise same thing. He forgets that good jobs that pay good money are sought after, he would be one of many after the same job. If they wanted people with no talent or experience - people who are useless to them - they could get them for free, they would not have to pay them at all. They would be too time consuming to bother with.
People seek staff to help them save time and get things done, not to give free training and money to them.
With jobs where you learn where you go along, hairdressers etc, they do courses, go to college, and get paid very very little for a long time when they eventually get a job. They need to train up before that happens.
What does he expect? That he will get thousands of dollars a week to just sit and watch the skilled people working?
Another thing - your job sounds like a real job, a vocation, something you have a yearning and calling for. He cannot see that is important to you. Your job is not just about money.
If your silly fiance could he would be getting people to send him money while he sits doing nothing all day, in a way that is what he is hoping for from this move. But you take pride in your work, you have skills, you should be proud of it. He will never be doing anything he can be proud of because he is only wanting money.
Those two things would make me reconsider him as a husband. A. He only thinks about what he wants, none of what you want. B. He is totally unrealistic and immature. Not looking at any of this from the point of view of a prospective employer. Which makes him dumb.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2022): Being honest I think he's living in cuckoo land by the sounds of it . He has no theatre experience but thinks he will find work . There are lots of people looking for work in NYC.. lots .. loads with experience.. and many living on the breadline.
I think you need to sit your fiancee down and say .. look my gut says no. I'm in a good job here .. doing something that I love.. my family aren't far away . I have friends here . In this current climate changing locations isnt going to help his prospects..
Tell him to figure out doing something with his life here . Go to night school .. join local theatre .. get experience..here while working .. .but, If he wishes to move good luck .
Dont be swayed because you love him there are many homeless people because they gave up a life to try something else n it didn't work ..
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