A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband left me for one of my close friends. Not my best friend, but someone I've known since I was 18.He admitted he's been dating her since February, not even that long for it to be an affair! He's known her since he was 26 and I introduced him at a Christmas party when I had a big one a long time ago.She's single, uses all the dating apps, the Bumble, Tinder, OKCupid etc. but never found anyone, until she decided to get with my husband.Divorce is probably the answer?? Well it is in my case. I have to divorce him due to this, this is just a line he shouldn't have crossed.We have kids, 8 and 11, two girls, and they've now decided they want her as "new mom" not me, and want to move in with my husband and her.Hell, fucking no! I won't let that happen, not one bit.Luckily I've got my best friend and mom as support (no dad, he died when I was very young), so some sort of support system.I'm angry, and don't know what's a good outlet for the anger. I don't want to see a psychiatrist yet, I'm not at the stage where I'm breaking things or violent; usually, I'm chilled out and good.But I feel fucking angry with my husband, like my marriage was a lie.I don't want her to be stepmom to my kids, if I'm perfectly honest, it's just not going to be right, but even weirder, the kids want her and not me, did my husband mainipulate them?I think my friend doesn't even understand the reality of what it'd be like living with my husband.He had mood swings in a shop because they didn't stock the favorite brands of soap and cereal he liked; he once had anger towards me simply for buying him designer-label boxer shorts as a birthday gift, asking if this was some sort of joke.But he used to be a romantic and a good guy.I'm just so fucking stressed about the whole thing I can't see clearly mentally; please just help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2022): Ps I just want to add its unusual because most children stay with their mums and some mums turn their children against the father.
My friend split up with her husband and her son ended up going to live with his dad because she was not happy for a long time after. As it is she moved on eventually and her son went back to live with her.
It's horrible what has happened to you and you have every right to feel your emotions, please be aware also and look into it but you will be going through a grief process and to move on.yoi have to go through it. Again look and up so you also understand your feelings more.
So long as he is good with the children please try and accept that their relationship with him does not go hand in hand with what's happened, try very hard not to bad mouth him or allow anyone else to who you are close to around them because in doing so you will further damage your relationship with them.
Unfortunately I don't know like anyone else why they are feeling how they are and my advice is try not to question them but just give them love and let them talk to you if they want to and be prepared to listen to things that may hurt you.
You can and you WILL get through this, watch and learn self help videos and please take our advice, all the best
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2022): Reading this it's unusual for children to go against their mum, I'm thinking is that because you are the one who tells your children off and their dad is the playful one?
Or is this because he has managed to sow a seed in their head?
Is it because they know this woman and perceive her as being nice and at the moment they are witnessing a stressed out angry mum which unfortunately might be colouring their opinion of you?
Look you need to put a front on for your children, don't display anger or bitterness about what is and has happened because they are caught up in the crossfire here. Your relationship with your children can be salvaged but it will be ruined and may take years to get back a closeness with them if you let this consume you because guess what children are not stupid, they see and hear how you feel.
Sweetheart he has taken the trash out, in time if you allow yourself time to heal you will look back and see he did you a favour.
Please look at YouTube videos on healing and ways to move on from a relationship because it's a start and will give you insight and useful tips.
Dont bad mouth their father, be calm and try and understand why your children are feeling how they are, I'm sorry but there must be a reason behind how they feel. Let them know you love them, keep busy, stay focused and let him go, best of luck x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 March 2022):
 First step lawyer.
Secondly, get your kids to talk to someone "neutral" both you and your husband are perhaps doing some parent alienation here. While I understand your anger, the kids don't need to be dragged into this mess your husband created.
It's OK to be angry - I would be too. Actually, I'd be furious.
As for not wanting her around your kids, well that is up to the courts. But I do think you can tell your husband that he can see them WITHOUT her.
If they have been "dating" since February - they haven't been together long enough to have the kids around her.
" don't want her to be stepmom to my kids,"
Unfortunately, YOU don't get to pick who could be their stepmom. He is their dad so have a right to see his kids.
"We have kids, 8 and 11, two girls, and they've now decided they want her as "new mom" not me, and want to move in with my husband and her."
Well, they might not be quite old enough to decide this. So again, SEE a lawyer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2022): I am sorry that you are going through this. Both your husband and youe friend have done something despicable.
I would say that your husband had been probably unhappy for some time without telling you anything before starting the affair with your friend.
What bugs me the most is your kids' reaction. Why would they want to live with their dad?
If you can afford it, find a therapist. Sone tough times are ahead of you. And a great lawyer of course.
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