A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my partner are both in our early 30's. We've been together for nearly 10 years but its probably been the most stressful time of my life. I do love and care about him. Im alwayd hoping things will get better. He cant hold onto a job more that 3 weeks. Hes lied to me so many times and online cheated on me multiple times. He has an anger problem.I thought we had moved on from all this but no, the cycle beggings. Hes back off work again. He has also got extremely protective over his phone these past two years but more so in the past year. We are together a lot so i dont think hes physically cheating on me. Although last year he did get chlamydia (he was experiencing symptoms and did a test which came back positive) and told me that the doctor said it was probably lying dormant in his body before he met me. I chose to belive him as we are together a lot. The only time he could of done anything is when he goes for a walk himself but i think its unlikely.But im starting to get worried about the phone situation. He takes it with him everywhere he goes in the house. He wont let me near it. Today we had an argument in the car. He left the car and i drove off, not realising he left his phone in the car. I got to the traffic light and he opens the door, out of breath from running and so angry. I was like, 'i thought your going for a walk'. He said' i had to get my phone'. It made so worried as to why hes protective about his phone. I cant even ask him about it because he gets so angry and threatens to leave me. Should i be worried? How do i deal with this situation? What could be on his phone if hes not physically meeting people?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2022): "I do love and care about him."
This is the disclaimer and defensive shield that goes-up to let us know that you don't intend to leave him or let him go. You have to be thoroughly convinced, beyond all reasonable doubt. What you really want to know is how to fix him; so you can keep him. Only God can do miracles, my dear!
"He cant hold onto a job more that 3 weeks. Hes lied to me so many times and online cheated on me multiple times. He has an anger problem."
So, what's so loveable about him? What exactly are you so in-love with?
" Although last year he did get chlamydia (he was experiencing symptoms and did a test which came back positive) and told me that the doctor said it was probably lying dormant in his body before he met me."
Ask your gynecologists about chlamydia infection. It's a nasty bacteria that is spread through sexual-contact. Passed on through semen, saliva, vaginal-intercourse, anal-intercourse, or oral-sex. You name it! What's worse, are the complications may occur. Women frequently develop pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). PID can cause infertility (not being able to get pregnant), chronic pelvic pain, tubal pregnancies, and the continued spread of the disease. If untreated no telling what kind of complications can occur.
It is evident that he has unprotected-sex; and it would behoove you to get yourself a full battery of tests for all kinds of sexually-transmitted diseases; which includes HIV, syphilis, and gonorrhea. Some diseases can lie dormant for years; and show no symptoms at all. When they do, there could be irreparable damage. The worst being reproductive problems, blindness, and brain damage. HIV can become full-blown AIDS; which is fatal.
"But im starting to get worried about the phone situation."
Seriously?!!
There is no advice along the lines of how you can fix him. He doesn't love you, he just needs someone who will take care of him no matter what he does. He needs love like anybody else; even though he doesn't return it. I agree with every single word from start to finish written by the female anonymous reader!!!
Especially this:
"You are deluding yourself into thinking this man has changed or has stopped cheating. He has NOT. It is clear as day."
We can write long narratives, and plead cases against this man; but you've already shut us down by this comment:
"I do love and care about him. Im alwayd hoping things will get better."
They won't get better. You've been with him all this time, and they've only gotten worse. There is no good news to offer you about a man like yours. He's disgusting, and drags home venereal disease. That is as low-life as you can get! He brings home diseases he can pass-on to you.
His phone is the least of your problems, sweetheart.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2022): You are deluding yourself into thinking this man has changed or has stopped cheating. He has NOT. It is clear as day. The way he guards his phone is the way a starving person guards their only morsel of food. He does not want you to see who he is talking to! AND he caught a sexually transmitted disease, and made up an idiotic story, which by the way, insults your intelligence. Not only does he think you are a doormat and gullible but he thinks you are stupid!! Like Honeypie said, chlamydia appears after RECENT sex with someone (NOT before he met you!) and can cause a woman fertility problems. It appears because someone did NOT use a condom. It can also be transmitted by ANAL sex. The bottom line is OP, this guy is a man whore who is always on the prowl! He is so NOT WORTH IT! You stay with him and keep enabling his pathetic abuse of you by cheating and threatening to leave you if you don't stop complaining about his BAD character, BAD habit of cheating, and BAD integrity because he CHOOSES to mooch off you and not work like a responsible adult!
He just throws tantrums like a spoiled brat because he wants what he wants, and he does not care what you want or how you feel. He is using you and has been using you for 10 years. How long do you want to keep being used? Another 10? This man is preventing you from being the confident, strong woman that you are. He is taking away all your chances at happiness with a man who is worthy of you. He is not good for you. Not good for anyone for that matter. I believe you have hung on too long. Kicking a dead dog. Thinking you can revive it and pretend that your love story is a fairytale with a happy ending. It can't be. It isn't and it never will be. Not when this knight in shining armor is just a cheating jerk wrapped in tin foil!!!
You have wasted 10 years with him. I know it is easy to say for us but he will NEVER change, and you cannot think YOU can change him. You can't. You have given it your best shot but there comes a time to call it a day and throw in the towel. You have allowed this man to treat you badly and to completely disrespect you. Is that all you think you are worth? The fact he got chlamydia is reason enough to end it. This time for good. I can understand because you loved him, you might have given him a second chance after he cheated once but he did not change or regret his actions or feel enough remorse NOT to do it again. He does not LOVE you or he would not keep cheating on you. He will do it again. And again. Are you going to stick around in this MISERY? He is a habitual cheater and he has psychological issues which you can never fix. He is not even man enough to look in the mirror to admit he has problems and get the help he needs to stop his destructive behavior. You are not his mother, or therapist or cheerleader or caretaker. You also need some therapy to understand yourself better. Why do you stay in a dead relationship? Why do you give him all this power over you when you're the one with the power? But you don't see it. Why do you ALLOW him to keep cheating on you? Realize that you ALLOW it by STAYING WITH HIM! I think that when he threatens to leave you, you show him the door and never look back.
He is a waste of time. He is an anchor in your life. Stop letting him drown you along with him. Free yourself OP. It has been 10 years too long. You will see how much better off you are without him. It will be a journey to get there, btu you will. You just need the courage to cut the cord. You have that courage inside you. It comes from telling yourself you are worth more. And for once, OP, you need to LOVE YOURSELF MORE. More than this man. If you do not love yourself and do what is best for you, nobody else will.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 April 2022):
 You are worried about his protectiveness of his phone?!
Sorry, that should be the least of your worries!
You have been together for 10 years and he has cheated on you, gotten an STI, lied to you, and can't keep a job! HOW is that being a good partner? Are you so desperate to have a BF that you stick to this guy like glue?
As for chlamydia: " symptoms appear, they usually present within 7–21 days of exposure. A test can normally detect chlamydia within 1–2 weeks of exposure."
So he would have had sex WITH SOMEONE with chlamydia 1-3 weeks BEFORE he showed signs.
I hope YOU got texted and got cleared. Chlamydia can cause WOMEN (not men) to become infertile. "NHS estimates that 1 in 10 women with untreated chlamydia could go on to develop PID within a year."
"If you are a woman and aren't sure your partner has been treated for chlamydia, you should get retested for the infection three to four months after your partner tested positive. "
I don't understand what you see in this guy at all, nothing you have written about him makes him out to be BF or marriage material. He sounds like a cheating bum who doesn't CARE enough about you to not cheat or AT the least wear protection when he does!!
Do you not think you can "do better" than him? Let me guess he LIVES with you and LIVES off you? You take care of the home, have a job and a place to live... he just "shows" up, that is his contribution?
If he has sex with prostitutes or people from hook-up apps he doesn't need THAT much time to do the "deed" and get back to you.
Honey, you need to take off those rose-tinted glasses and find yourself a BETTER man.
And you DEFINITELY need to take an STI test, and then retest in 6 months.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2022): You lost me at " he cheated on me multiple times " .And ?...After ten years you are still there having to play watchdog with him ?..What's the point ? If he is being phisically faithful to you just because he's on a short leash and spend most of his time with you ( but enough away from you to get chlamydia...his explanation is vey unlikely and as you say, you chose to believe him ,knowing he is not much believable ...) well, what's the point then ? If you know or feel or suspect that he is being phisically faithful because he has to - because he has no other choice ? Just set him free then, and allow yourself to be with a new partner, someone who will be faithful to you out of love, or at least out of respect - not just out of sheer luck of opportunities. As for what he could be hiding on his phone, obviously I have no idea , maybe nothing - but with his record as a cheater, he could hide cybersex cheating.Or emotional cheating. It would hardly be surprising.
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