A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My 15-year-old son went to school recently and left his phone at home. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but despite myself I had a look through it.He’s always on it and I guess I just wanted to see what sort of thing he was looking at and to check he was OK. I was shocked to discover he looks at porn sites most days.The porn was very extreme, always involving two guys, nearly always muscular hairy guys, or clean-shaven young men, in their twenties I think. No women.It's a bit too disgusting to go into detail on here.I've got no issue if my son is gay, the issue of respect towards men is probably going to be more relevant than respect towards women.But I've never suspected him to be gay; he's never shown any inclination of interest in guys his own age, or men in general, he seems to like the female news anchors on CNN and local news stations, but was that a decoy?He’d be so embarrassed if he knew I knew this. He’s a sweet lad, but I do worry about the effect it’s having on him, especially when you read all the things about young people and porn and the effect it has on their view of sex.I’m a single mum so I’m the one who has to tackle this. His dad left him when he was only 18 months old, before I'd even got married, during our engagement, moved in with another woman, I was fucking furious.What do you think I should do? He’d kill me if he knew I’d looked through his phone.Am I an idiot, or a responsible mom?
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female
reader, Jacie  +, writes (5 April 2022):
 Honestly, just talk to your son.
Sit him down -probably on a sunday/friday- somewhere where you are both comfortable (your living room for example) and tell him the reason you went through his phone and that you found the porn sites.
you could talk back-to-back so it's less awkward for him if you cant see his face, or ask him not to say anything until your done so that he doesnt get frustrated and storm off.
Be honest and open, tell him about the concerns you have- like you did on here.
He may be bi-curious, tell him that you support him no matter what and if he is gay thats ok with you but you're worried about how it might affect his perception of sex.
hope this helps, If you're planning on an update see you then :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2022): Try to look at it from his perspective. He might be too shy to come out (yet) or start dating, so his big outlet is gay porn. If you take it away from him he will be very angry at you!
"Statistically speaking, pornography does not lead to sexual assault."
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/does-pornography-lead-to-sexual-assault_b_57c0876ae4b0b01630de8c93
Personally I would have a general sex conversation with him about safety and pretend you never looked at his phone.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 April 2022):
 One option is to, get him a flip phone that he can call and text from, no more internet access kind of phone.
While 15 year olds are naturally curious - porn is NOT the way to learn about sex or relationships.
Yes, your son might be gay or bi-curious.
You can't pretend it didn't happen. You need to have a conversation. Not so much about WHAT kind of porn, but THAT he is looking at it.
There is a website called yourbrainonporn - look it up.
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