A
female
age
41-50,
*NP1586
writes:My son is 17 and got his girlfriend, who's 16, pregnant.They'd been dating for 2 months, since restrictions on COVID were partially lifted in our state.Well, I say girlfriend, but my son's heartbroken after his girlfriend told him she was a trans man and a feminine gay man, but then there's a kicker; she's pregnant.From now on I'll refer to her as "he".He's a Canadian expat living here in our state as his mom is here on a work visa, been here for 3 years. (His mom's a single mom, the dad died when the son was 18 months old, so my son has told me)We'd met him a few months ago, he seemed nice.My son told me how his girlfriend invited him to a popular fast-food joint and told him that he had a big announcement to make.The big announcements were a threefer; he was pregnant, a feminine gay man and that he expected my son to stay with him as a couple and also pay towards the baby for the next 18 years! He told my son he'd only got with him as he'd found the person he wanted to be with for the rest of his life as a feminine gay man and saw visions of them living in an apartment together in our state, bringing up the kid, watching Netflix and eating fast food together, with him working a service job.That's not what my son wants; my son wants to get a good job, be well-educated, work freelance in our state and the other one bordering it (we live here in a Midwestern state).My son told him no, it's over, and he couldn't be with a guy, but he insisted "We must stay together for the child".Basically, my son broke up with the guy, but he's not accepting it well at all and refuses to believe my son.My son is heartbroken, he felt he'd found someone really nice, and then feels like it was a waste of time being with the guy upon learning about this.I'm wondering if this guy is a psycho demanding they stay together and raise the baby as a gay couple when my son is not gay.I've got gay friends, some of who are feminine, not seen them for years, but never come across any who act psycho, until my son told me about this. Well, none who are feminine gay men that act psycho, they've always been nice guys.Me and my husband are concerned for our son; he's only known this news for five days, and has started over-eating, bingeing on Pringles and milk, and he's quite depressed over the whole thing.Our son is an only child, so no siblings to turn to; his cousin (18/F) is his best friend, they've got a few things in common, personality and interests, not just being biologically related.He hasn't got many friends, aside from his cousin, us, and his best friend lives across the state line so he doesn't see him very often.I've got nothing against gay or transgender people, but this is a frightening scenario for him to be in, and as a parent, you don't know how to handle your son finding out their partner is transgender, or the kicker of them being transgender and pregnant.What should me and my husband do and how can we help him, as our son has been constantly asking for help and therapy isn't the only solution is it?Really looking for help and advice here, since I don't know how to handle it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2022): This is too weird….paternity test for sure. Lawyer up for your son….have him talk to her only thru his lawyer.Your son can go for custody if the baby is his as she is unstable.If he cannot you must to protect the baby. She is unstable…do you want your grandchild around that? The first thing should be the safety for this baby nothing else matters.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2022): To the anon who replied: OP said his girlfriend came out as transgender, they didn't say she'd had surgery.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2022): So let me just clarify this to make sure i understand what you are saying here.
The ex partner is a girl who wants to transition from female to male?
They would have to have natural female parts to become pregnant.
Trust me as a lady who had to have a hysterectomy at 28, there is no surgeon in the world who can replace my womb and I am fully female and had kids of my own ect. I still can't get my womb replaced or pregnant again.
Also no Doctor could allow them to go through any gender change while pregnant or even take the hormones ect as obv it would be harmful to baby.
The ex partner may want to change but that can't happen anytime soon.
I would demand they prove they really are pregnant, i would also ask for prove your son is the father.
Where's the ex partners parents is there anyway you could sit down and speak to them? There's so much not right here.
Your son doesn't have to do anything and this person sounds very unstable, I'd also be seeking out legal advice. There's so much that just doesn't add up.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (20 March 2022):
 Wow! That's a lot for ANYONE to take in, let alone a 17 year old boy.
First and foremost, stay calm. Your son needs his parents to guide him through this. Whatever your feelings about it all, you need to be strong and be there for your son.
Secondly, I would be questioning whether the ex really IS pregnant. If she is, then he needs to take a paternity test to make sure the child is his.
Thirdly, the ex sounds manipulative and deluded. It sounds like she has mapped out what she wants in life and doesn't care how she affects the lives of others. Reassure your son that, if the child really is his, he can be a responsible involved father without staying with the child's biological mother.
This is, of course, an expensive and valuable lesson for the future for your son about ALWAYS using protection when having sex, as well as perhaps not having sex with someone he doesn't know well.
Stay strong. You can get through this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2022): I don't believe a word of it. Ok surgeons make some sort of vagina look cavity but I don't think they can make wombs ovaries and all to facilitate pregnancy. Also if he is only 16 then how and when did have the time to have all these organ transformation operations? It is all too far fetched.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2022):
 Well, the first bit of advice I'll give is that your son needs to ask for a paternity test and then NOT talk to the "ex" until there is a positive paternity result. Then he needs to get a lawyer and figure out how to get visitation, and sort child support out.
"We must stay together for the child".
No, he doesn't have to stay with his ex, just because they made a child. He OWES the child financial support and to be the best dad he can be, that doesn't mean staying with the mother.
It is ENTIRELY OK to not want to keep dating the "ex".
Talk to a lawyer first.
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