A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, so I have a strange problem which is not exactly something to do with love... I've been going to this Zumba class for a few months now and the instructor is a nice young guy who everyone is crazy for. I have to admit, I even had a crush on him for a little while. He was so nice to me and would pay attention to me initially, talking very friendly and giving me thumbs up when I did a good job catching the steps. However, a couple of weeks ago I took my friend along to the class. And ever since then, he's been a bit strange and doesn't make eye contact with me any more even though i'm right up front where I always be. It's so strange and I feel weird now. Now he's so nice to her, which is fine because I know he should be nice to everyone. But I'm just wondering if I did something or said something weird to make him feel uncomfortable or something like that. I also think that he may be thinking I'm married because the first day my friend went with me, she was talking so loudly about how I should bring my 'husband' to the class (I am not married, she was making a joke about something and said the words 'your husband'). I wonder if this person thought that I'm married and is now staying away cos of it or something. I love the class and I have a lot of fun but I feel very uncomfortable too... I even wanted to ask him how I could become a zumba instructor myself because I like it so much but now I feel strange. Do you think I've done something wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2022): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi WiseOwlE, thanks for your answer. Yes, I agree. I actually never acted like a fool around him, I just minded my own business and smiled and said hi if he said hi, that was it. He was the one who was so friendly at first and has become strange now. The other day, he asked me where my friend is because she couldn't come to the class with me and that was it. I know my friend didn't tell him anything about me because she only went to the class twice and she was with me the whole time. I guess if he completely ignores married women then it's not something I have done wrong I suppose... he's nice with all the other married women in the class but ignores me totally so I've decided not to care anymore and to stop worrying about what I did to make him act strange like that. I actually go to all the zumba classes at the gym, not just his ones and that's because I love Zumba and I love dancing.
However, I feel that maybe he's being so strange because he wants me to drop the class or something, who knows, but I think it's not fair. Otherwise I don't see any other reason for him to act like I'm not there and look over my head giving thumbs up to the people behind me or to my friend who's just next to me. If he keeps being nice to her and ignoring me then I guess maybe he's trying to give me a sign that he's not comfortable with me being there or something and wants me to drop out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2022): Before:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/happily-married-but-attracted-to-the-zumba-instructor.html
age 26-29, anonymous writes:
"Hi, so I'm in an uncomfortable situation because I'm married and I do love my husband very much, but I have developed a crush on someone else. My husband and I have been married for 7 years now and we still love each other so much. We have both supported each other which is why we have come so far and done so well together."
After:
"I also think that he may be thinking I'm married because the first day my friend went with me, she was talking so loudly about how I should bring my 'husband' to the class (I am not married,"
My final opinion:
I believe your friend has let him know exactly what you're all about, and he is treating you as a married-woman should be treated. Focus on the class, not the instructor. If now you feel you're good enough to be an instructor; perhaps you no longer need the class. Maybe you should get certified and licensed, and you can move on.
He can't afford to sully his reputation as being unprofessional with his students, or jeopardize his job. Rumors and gossip spread in these kinds of situations.
It's fine if his class wants to fawn over him; if he's attractive, that's a given. He had to set things straight, because he's not a dummy. He sees something different going-on when it comes to you. He has now placed everything back into perspective, he is making it evident to the other members of the class; and you've indicated that you're over him. It's a win-win situation at this point.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2022): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, the female reader who answered this question on March 18, thank you for your answer.. you're probably right about everything and got me thinking. However, it's not true that I want to be a Zumba instructor to get close to him. It's something I've wanted to do for the last ten years but I couldn't do it because I lived in a country where it wasn't possible for me to do those things. Now that I am here in Canada, I can finally do it and I really don't think I need him for that. What I wanted was to get some tips from him because he's training another girl who's there in the class so I didn't think it wrong to ask. Apart from that, I don't need his help to do the course and get my own Zumba license.
I'm not sure what I may have done to freak this person out or make him think I'm creepy. I never acted strange in front of him and there are some girls in the class who are practically falling over themselves for him and it's so public but I never do stuff like that. He just has become a bit weird and now kind of acts like I'm not there which is strange and it all happened when my friend joined. She stands right in front of him in the class and I stand near her because we like to do it together but when she's not there in the class, I stand on the side.
To be honest, whatever crush I had for him is over now. Actually it was over like a couple of weeks ago. I honestly don't even want to get closer to him. I don't want to get into a relationship with him or 'sleep' with him. I just enjoyed the attention. That's all.
As WiseOwl said, maybe he thinks that I'm more interested in him than the class. But then again, he can think that about every woman there because they're all dying for him and some aren't even shy to show it. But I was just wondering why I'm the one who gets treated differently.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2022): He's doing his best to keep it professional and strictly business. As I've mentioned in your previous post about this. He wouldn't have any clients if he wasn't nice and made all his students feel welcome.
If he is treating you differently, it may only be because he is picking-up the signals that you're more interested in the instructor than you are in the class. Your friend may have also pulled him aside and let him know what's up with you.
Now maybe things will get back to where they're supposed to be. Maybe he didn't mean to cause any misunderstanding.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2022): The reason is simple. It is because he sees how over enthusiastic you are around him and he is uncomfortable. So he needs to stop being encouraging to you in his class. And to reiterate, it isn't because he likes you (even though we know that is the answer you want to hear and that is why you came here and posted the question twice) but it's because he finds you creepy and desperate and wants nothing but a professional relationship. He will stop paying attention in class, even if that is what he is supposed to do, if it means losing his job. That is more important to him.
And don't for one second use the manipulation tactic of you wanting to be an instructor as a way to get closer to him. We can see through that very quickly. So will he.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 March 2022):
 That was a fast divorce OP!
Only last week you were married!
Yeah, I think you need to stop living in this "la-la fantasy land" of yours and grow up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2022): Hi OP. He is nice to your friend now because she is new to the class. As a Zumba instructor myself, I always go out of my way for any new participant to make them feel welcome and to get them to keep coming to my classes. I want their first experience to be awesome. You only get one chance to make a first impression. It is a business after all. Not personal. Your instructor is doing the same thing. It is what we are trained to do. I make it my mission to pay extra attention to new students. He probably paid the same attention to you when you started. As an instructor, it is our job to motivate and encourage people. I always give thumbs up to my participants when they do the steps right or dance with them for a few minutes. It is my job OP. I dance with everybody as some point. I have also had more than one male student hit on me. They hang after classes and talk to me as if I am their therapist or best friend. I have had to tell one or two of them to keep it professional as I am married. Even if I was not, I would still respect the boundaries. It seems your instructor is doing that.I would hate to see you no longer enjoy your classes due to your misinterpretations of his actions. You are going to eventually get angry with him for not responding to you and then leave. It would be a shame as Zumba is a very fun and positive experience. And you should not deprive yourself of something you enjoy. I have had one or two people never come back to my class because I did not pay attention to them in the way they were hoping. I saw that as a shame.To the lady who posted about her relationship with the Zumba instructor. That is rare. It does not happen. I would advise you to pay more attention to your husband because there is something missing in your life or in yourself and you are projecting onto your instructor to make it all better. But he is not the answer.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (16 March 2022):
 When did you become "unmarried"? Only a matter of weeks ago, you were happily married.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/happily-married-but-attracted-to-the-zumba-instructor.html
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2022): But you ARE MARRIED OP! You wrote in with a question about what to do about your overly flirtatious Zumba instructor because you were crushing him and the dilemma was you were a married woman. Did you not read all the answers? You received some great advice. Including mine about my affair with my Zumba instructor which landed me in therapy and having severe emotional trauma, anxiety, depression and PTSD as a result? My instructor WAS married. You are reading into this way too much. He is doing a JOB. He wants nothing to do with you or any other student in his class or he will lose his reputation, his job, his own integrity. It is silly women like you who cross lines. He really is doing the right thing by not giving you excessive attention. He knows you are making a FOOL of yourself in front of him. He knows you are all GOO GOO eyed over him. And he does NOT want to encourage you. He only wants to be an instructor. Don't think you are the only woman who has ever acted this way around him, nor will you be the last. It seems a challenge and exciting right now to catch him but believe you me, IF (highly unlikely) he would ever sleep with you, it means he is a DOG and rest assured, it would only be sex and also rest assured, he would do this with other women in his classes, either at the same time, or after he is done with you. Let him do his job. If you can't stop acting like a fool, go to another class. You are creating some fantasy in your head. You know nothing about this man in real life. He is not who you think he is. It is just some romance novel you are writing. He has nothing to do with this. Grow up. And smell reality. Before you make an even bigger fool of yourself.
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