A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m a new mom, just had a baby three months ago. My parents are evangelical Christians, and I was raised in church (speaking in tongues at age 8, that was me)! But I grew up to be agnostic and I want to raise my daughter to be a critical thinker with healthy skepticism. My mom knew where I stood to a point but pre-baby I guess we were able to avoid the subject. Not opposed to religion entirely but I do fear indoctrination, and I believe it’s a choice that should be made when an individual is ready. I’m not ready to put baby in daycare yet as she was a preemie and she’s pretty small for her age, and my mom had kind of toned it down lately since my husband is not a Christian. But yesterday when I dropped her off I saw in the play area “My First Bible, and other religious books. Mom said “you don’t object do you” and being non confrontational as I am I said I guess these are okay but put a heavier focus on science themed books. But when I talked to my husband later that night he could see how upset I was so he said I should be more firm so I talked to her (very politely but firm) and now she super upset and here is what she said:“I have never met anyone so anti-Christ as you. Where did we go wrong?”“When the rapture happens, and all of Christians are gone, including baby,” (Have you seen the movie Left Behind? Supposedly baby will disappear, leaving only her pajamas behind) and you’ll still be down here, but it will be too late.“One day you will know that every knee will bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. But it will be too late,”She’s a good grandma otherwise, very loving, and I’m feeling bad that I put this strain on our relationship, but I do so fear indoctrination And I feel very very guilty for some reason, like I did something wrong, can’t get out of my own head and I really want nothing to do but cry today. I think baby can sense I’m stressed. How can I have a good relationship with my parents after this? Bees, can anyone provide any advice/support. Thank youI also want to add that I don’t mean to offend religious here, and I’m open to perspective, if it’s kind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2022): OP, I don't want you to think that I don't fully understand what you mean in your post; because I've had my experiences with "religious people/Church folk." They are the self-proclaimed spokesman for God, and take it upon themselves to define who is a sinner and who gets a pass. They are the kind of people that once you had a love for Christ, but when they get through with you, it seems you can never do anything right. They are the people who drive people from God, instead of to Him.
To site an example, they (church folk) are the people who condemn "gay-people" as abominations; but excuse fornication, adultery, and other sexual-misbehavior; as long as they're "heterosexual." Jesus placed sins of the flesh all together; grouping a whole list of what God considers human sin. He didn't place one above another. "Religion" does. They read Leviticus, and pick and choose versus they feel don't apply to them; and go after those they think apply to others. That's religious hypocrisy, and that's exactly what Jesus accused the Pharisees of promoting. They killed Him for it. Because of your exposure to faith early in life; you know hypocrisy when you see it, and you know the dangers of zealous religious overkill. You have developed discernment; but have become disillusioned due to confusion brought on by "religion."
You do have a right to choose how your child is nourished. That includes not only what your little one is fed for the body, but what is fed into the child's spirit and soul. Religion is full of rituals and man-made rules; and focuses on reaching perfection. Jesus doesn't expect perfection in human beings; that's why He gives us grace to supplement and compensate for our human weaknesses. You've got a sour taste in your mouth about evangelism, and rightfully so; because the focus was taken from God, and all you heard about was religion. You had to speak in tongues, you had to be a certain way, and you had to display all sorts of evidence that you ascribe to "religion." I prefer the approach Jesus took, by leading by example. Let people see the God in you, and they'll want to be like Him. You don't need to point out my sins, I did them; so I know what's wrong with me!!! God knows what's in our hearts, in spite of our faults. He is willing to forgive, redeem, and deliver us. Your past is forgotten, and your future is in His hands. If you don't believe that, or no longer feel that's true; all is not lost. Many leave, but comeback. Many stray, and find the way back. It's not God's fault. He gives you the choice.
The cherry-pickers of sins, holier-than-thou religious-people, always make you feel you're standing on a trap-door above hell! As if they are so holy they've never done, or said, a wrong thing in their lives! They strap a muzzle on God, stick Him in a box, and go out to evangelize on His behalf. Giving their warped humanized-version and definition of who God is, and what God thinks. When they're finished condemning and judging everybody; nobody wants God, or anything to do with the Bible. They misinterpret the Bible scriptures, they half-read verses, and pick and choose those sins that don't apply to them, and go after yours!
If you've seen hypocrisy, or you haven't seen the truth of Christ throughout your early following of Christ; I can see why you feel the way you feel, and why you worry for your baby girl.
You just have to put the blame where it belongs. Not on the Lord, not on the Bible, but the people who place themselves in the role of being representatives of Christ. Many get it all wrong, and if people come-out of it not wanting anything to do with God, it is the fault of "religion." I wanted you to know, that I do grasp and have an understanding of what you mean in your post. Religion is man-made, they make rules that are hard to follow; and they judge us here on earth. They don't have the power to redeem or deliver us from our sins. That's God's job; and Jesus is the way, they truth, and the life. If you call yourself a "Christian,' and people can't see the Christ in you; then you're just a "religious-person" fronting as a child of God. This isn't being directed at you OP, it's at "religious church folk" driving God's people away from Him.
Don't give-up on God, He will never give-up on you!
Peace be with you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2022):
 For little kids, stories are just that, stories.
However, as the child's mother, YOU should be able to "veto" what YOU find appropriate reading material.
My advice?
Pick out a range of books YOU approve of and tell your mom that THESE are the books you approve of and if she can't stick to those, you will... Find another babysitter.
I will tell you this. I was raised with little religion whatsoever. But I had a Child's bible picture book, the bible was read on Christmas and Easter, we went to church for Christmas and Easter (weddings and funerals). I'm not baptized. I was curious about religion as it is a big part of society. When my friends in school went through confirmation classes and HAD to go to 5 services before Confirmation, I'd go with them for support.
None of that made me religious. But it did make me respectful of other people's views.
In short:
Your child will not become a "religious nut" from hearing bible stories. But it IS up to you to decide HOW much of your mom's beliefs you want to introduce your child to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2022): Don't let your mother push religion on your baby. It is yours not hers. She has to abide by your choices.
wiseowl you often reply to posts here saying how you feel and often include religious sentiments. What puzzles me is this. A religious person usually follows the ten commandments, yet you are gay? Surely a devoted christian is supposed to follow all of the commandments and settle down with someone of the opposite sex etc? I once knew a minister who was gay, he would try to get women to have sex with him in a way that only a man would, so that he did not have to think of himself as gay. He would sit and drool over films of Elvis when he was young rather than women. But he hid it from the world because he knew it did not fit in with his so called religious beliefs.
Much of religion is forced on us by parents or family when we are too young to even understand it. Much of it is not our choice. My parents insisted they were roman catholics because their parents told them so! They then tried to insist I must be one too - no way. If religion is about beliefs I choose my own. I don't have them dictated to me.
My so called catholic parents never went to church, never prayed, never read a bible, never followed any of the teachings, their idea of religion was that if they were ill they should be able to contact the church and demand the minister come to see them, hold their hand and comfort them. A tall order when they refused to go there and refused to ever give any of their earnings to the church!
I know plenty who call themselves religious, some are what we call bible bashers and religious nuts, way too obsessed with it. Often using it to their advantage or to make them feel superior rather than out of belief. I knew a minister's wife who would be forever banging on about helping people. Yet she would totally ignore the sweet gentle lonely old lady who lived right next door to her.
And make a big fuss of the huge families with babies and very young children because she was obsessed with children and loved to be with them. She got a reputation for turning up at parishioners homes uninvited to play with their kids, but telling everyone she went there to "help" them! These were families that had visitors all of the time, lots of friends, and did not need any outside help. Not sure how going all gooey over them and playing with them is helping them anyway. The lonely desperate old lady who was next door, who had no family or friends was totally ignored and forgotten. So much for helping others.
I know another religious person who talks about everyone she is in contact with as if they are a project, someone she is helping. If she goes online and plays scrabble with someone she tells everyone she has been helping this lady by alleviating her loneliness. As if she is doing her a huge favour. The truth is that she is the lonely one and gets as much out of it herself.
Commandments such as not killing, no adultery should be rights and wrongs with everyone, nothing to do with religion. Fair and civilised behaviour. You don't need to be religious or go to church to follow such rules. It's what decent people do anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2022): I did the mental count-down, I've spoken of "God" and "Jesus" in some of my posts; and it was just a matter of time before someone would come-up with a counter-commentary to faith. Just like the posts about covid, vaccines, wearing masks, and so on and so forth.
We have freedom of speech and expression. I don't mind exercising my right. I don't aim to hurt anyone, or trample on anybody's rights. Compared to countries that kill you in the name of their faith. I'm thankful I was born here in the United States. If people can spew their racist hatred through the internet, and on my TV; I can spread the love of Jesus. Ignore me if you like, it's your lawful AND God-given right to!
Your daughter will grow-up just like you did; and make a choice of her own, regardless of what your parents do. If your parents are true Christians; they know that you cannot force Christ on anyone. Jesus Himself never forced Himself on anyone; but we know how His story goes. He got nailed to a cross! Fortunately, He rose, and He lives! There's a happy beginning!
Yes, there are those who are very strong in their beliefs, and go too far. Usually, they are the self-righteous zealots, the hypocritical holier-than-thou kind of people who spend a lot of time calling out the sins of others; and prophesying where others will end-up. Pointing-out and cherry-picking who's more evil, deciding who God hates; and who to hold in religious contempt! Others, making millions of dollars deceiving people!
I don't, and won't, defend God or Jesus; or be ashamed of my faith. They're Divine Deities with unlimited power; and I'm a mere mortal, capable of doing just about anything evil. I have flaws and weaknesses; I'm nothing but a skin-puppet. Who am I to judge anyone? When I've done all sorts of things I'm not proud of. I'll let Jesus judge me, not someone made of flesh and bone. I will not allow anyone to attack my faith, or condemn me for my beliefs. It's fine with me if anyone wants to be an atheist, agnostic, or whatever. That's got nothing to do with the relationship between me and my God. The Bible tells me to expect to be hated for His name's sake. He has equipped us with an arsenal of spiritual weapons.
Thank God, we don't live in a country that chops off the heads of infidels; or murder women who are not being chase, obedient, or for speaking the truth. You are free to decide what faith you want to follow; and you can even worship the devil if you want. Who's stopping anybody? If only people condemned that craziness I see, and the trash I hear spewing from the mouths of politicians and hate-groups!!! Christians are powder puffs compared to that!
I have my own soul to worry about; I just pray for others, and treat them with kindness when I can. I pray for God's help when I can't find it within me. I get angry too! I otherwise avoid those who hate and despise me; but if they need me, I will treat them with kindness all the same. We are all entitled to our feelings and opinions about God; and we have the choice to believe, or not to believe. We pray for our families, friends, and total strangers; but it's up to them to give their lives to the Lord. We offer our personal testimonies to those who are interested in salvation; and we should walkaway from those who resist. Those who condemn others, and rain fire and brimstone on people; they don't really know Jesus, nor do those people speak for Him. He never behaved that way, and if anyone has a right to, it is He. God The Father, He can rain fire and brimstone; but so far, He hasn't.
Prayer or a Bible has never done anyone harm. People do harm.
You are not as helpless as you portray yourself to be. You don't write like a person under anybody's heel or control. You are who you are, even though you were brought-up as you have described in the first paragraph. Nobody had to intervene and remove you from it. It hasn't killed you. Your daughter will grow-up and make her own choices. She may not believe in the things you believe in; and as I know parents, they get upset when you don't follow their beliefs and traditions. You won't admit it, but you will want her to see things as you do. It's our human nature. You will go out of your way to influence her thinking and choices; but in the end, they will be hers to make. Nothing and no-one stopped you from making yours. Please don't pretend your parent are goons forcing Jesus on your baby!
Look at our modern news media and the internet. There are hatemongers and politicians radicalizing people towards hate, racism, anti-Semitism, violence, anti-Islamism, and treason against their own country. That's the world your child will be facing in her future. I think Christian-grandparents are the least of the harm that can come to the baby, when you look at the world we live in.
Ask your parents to pray if they wish; but you will raise your child as you want. God chooses us, we don't choose Him. It is something that He does before you're even born. Your parents don't decide the fate of your child's soul. They can only pray for it.
They can be concerned, but forcing their religion and beliefs on people is not doing God's work; it's forcing their own human will, according to how they think in human terms. If we do things according to the Holy scriptures, or preach the gospels; it's not some horror story, or attack. Of course, people will be people. There are wolves in sheep's clothing. That does not speak of, or about, all people of faith. Condemning and persecuting people of faith is just as bad as people of faith mistreating and oppressing unbelievers. That is not God's will! In the eyes of God, we are all sinners, and fall short of His righteousness; so we are saved by His loving grace and mercy. You can believe that, or not. I can't tell you whether you're going to heaven or hell. My choice is heaven.
I too was brought up by Christian-parents. We said grace over our food, prayers before bed, went to Sunday school, read the Bible, and go to church. We love each-other. I am happy to report, I have no Christian horror-stories to report. Christians are people, they're just sinners who've found salvation. Capable of lying, hate, and mistakes like everyone else. The difference is, we pray to be better than what our flesh would compel us to be; and God leaves it entirely up to us to make the choice to believe, or not to believe. Your parents gave you a foundation, but they can't decide for God who will be saved and who won't. They can't force you, your husband, or your daughter to be believers. All they can do is love you, and pray.
God bless you, and give you peace.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 March 2022):
 Oh sweetheart, I feel your confusion and just want to hug you. Sending virtual hugs.
Like you (I suspect), I have no objection to God but I do have a great skepticism (that word again!) of what I term as "organised religion". I was raised Roman Catholic and, from a fairly early age, questioned a lot of what we were taught to believe. In MY mind, organised religion is just a way of controlling the masses through fear. "Don't do as you are told and you will burn in hell." "Don't abide by the rules and you will suffer." Given the recent evidence which has surfaced about child abuse within the RC church, I would actually be ashamed to be part of that religion. (Just a person view and nothing against anyone who feels differently.)
At a few months old, your daughter is unlikely to take on board anything about religion. That said, you and your husband are her parents and, as such, your decision on how she is brought up is final and not up for negotiation. If your mother chooses to be upset by the fact you choose to bring your daughter up differently than she brought you up, then that is her choice. Perhaps you could explain to her that you do not disbelieve in God, just religion? Remember, just as you feel strongly about what you believe, she feels equally as strongly about what SHE believes. As your daughter gets older, this will become increasingly more important so I would advise laying the ground rules now, while she is still too young to understand. That gives your mum time to get her head around the way you choose to bring up your own child.
Stay strong.
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