A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey...well I was in an intense relationship with a gal...with both of us in love with each other...she used to call me her soul mate...and she was the same for me...It was a spiritual connection for both of us and we both involved emotionally with each other...we had a good intense physical relationship as well...This relationship lasted for about 3 yrs...And now exactly one month back she split up with me...sometimes we used to have fights and she thought I didn’t respect her...and I had some ego issues as well...and there were times I used to say things before realising the gravity of what I said...this used to happen when I felt that I was not a priority in her life...and what I used to say would end up in hurting me and her bothMy gal never discussed what she was going through with me...for the past 6 odd months...she had started discussing things with a guy who ultimately got close to her...she became emotionally attached to him...there is a sympathy factor involved towards the other guy as well...so finally she broke up with me a month back...telling that she doesn’t feel that for me anymore and she loves the other guy...that she lost the spark about 6-7 months back...although I really didn’t see that happening...I tried talking to her too...and in between ignored her...she still loves me coz she spent 2 days with me and she was really happy in those days...she even got very close to my sister on one such occasion recently...but then suddenly on the same night...she called me up and said that she was sorry for giving me mixed signals and she had a good time with me but she really loves the other guy...I still love her...and would want to have her back in my life again...is it possible that she is using the other guy to go away from me coz she believes that I would be just an emotional torture for her again...Is it really possible to fall in love with another person after falling out of a person with whom you have a really really intense relation???Although I’ve really changed in the past one month...n she has noticed the change as well...she says that she knows what she is doing is wrong but now she is with him and she feels for him so me n her can’t get back together...She also says that she just wants to be selfish and doesn’t really care if her new relation lasts long or not...I don’t know if she is lying but she told all this to our common friendShe is ignoring calls and doesn’t reply to texts...I really don’t know what to do...I really love her and would want her back again in my life...Is there any hope...???Any advice would be welcome...please...
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 I would wait out this relationship with the other guy. she sounds like she's not even that invested in it, as she said she didn't care what happens in it. I think she saw him as a sort of, refuge from the troubles she was having with you but when she saw you kind of getting your act together was thrown off and I think is conflicted with you.
Your persistence is not the way to go though, yes, it may aggravate her relationship with her new guy, but it may also backfire and make her need more time post-breakup with this other guy, whereas, on her own she may realize she's made a mistake, this guy isn't all that he made himself out to be everyone has flaws and at least she knows yours and that you're working on them.
Although it sounds horrible, you need to show that you're willing to wait and be that fallback guy...it shows you're reliable, dedicated to her, and that you care about her still. this will mean a lot to her as she sorts through her feelings. really, she's not being fair to the other guy either; she definitely needs to figure all this out by herself, with no guy influence, but HEY she's not the one here for advice :). anyway, I have a good feeling that it definitely could still work your way. just send her something saying hey i'm sorry i've been sending you so much stuff, i just wanted you to know i care and i will back down i don't want to jeopardize your happiness (cause, really, you're causing a lot of stress on her like this and if it were me I'd push you away further cause I wouldnt' want to deal with extra stress in my life--NOT the way to go!!!) i'll always be here for you as a friend, and as someone who loves you. giving her that sense of security and support even in bad times--her time of turmoil--is the most you can do for her, and your relationship with her.
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