A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My two best friends are a gay couple that have been together for 4 years. I know how crazy what im about to say sounds but I have completly fallen for one of them. We have the closest relationship and at times I truelly believe he feels the same way. I've tried so hard to not feel this way but I can't control it and its at the point im crying at nights because I want nothing more than to shout at the top of my lungs that I don't just love him but im in love with him. It wouldn't have gotten this way except the way we are when its just him and I. The conversations we've had on its not just gay and straight but truelly the person behind it all. And he's admitted to me being attracted to women but for him it stops at a certain point. What if im the exception. The fact is I don't want to change him.. I love him for how he is. And the trouble as well he's boyfriend is as well one of my close friends too. I wish it didn't get to this point. I wish I could back to not feeling this way. I don't know what to do. Help me. Any advice would be better then this insane feeling I have!
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female
reader, Honesty? You have that with me  +, writes (17 November 2008):
 Come on you know it will just make things weird if you discuss this. He will deny seeing you as more then a friend and you will feel a fool, Im sure he has got some sort of deeper feeling for you this feeling is a love probably or a deeper respect but he still goes to bed with his boyfriend doesnt he? and there must be a deep trust and love there between them, he couldnt do anything about the you and him situation,When a man comes out he has finally find out who he is his identity as an individual and he will not give up his boyfriend or his sense of self for a fling with his close friend who he adores and does not want to see hurt anyway,He cant give up Men you must know this deep down, but this works two ways Can you give everything up for someone who isnt quite sure?? Affairs of the heart are never black and white you can care deeply for more then one person but you can never give him that one thing that makes him for that you would have to change gender this is clean cut answer I know theres no point sugar coating it but just take care and enjoy your friendship with him, every second counts.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 November 2008):
 THat's really difficult and I feel for you. I would consider diversifying your spending time with other friends...find worth and validation and happiness with people that are not already taken, if only to create some emotional distance between you two. And if you cut your ties a little it would cut down on the potential of a blow up, and losing them anyway, so i would think about 'dumping' them first before you become the enemy. good luck.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (17 November 2008):
 Well if he is a true friend in every sense of the word perhaps talking to him openly about how you feel or even say that you are attracted to a gay man and leave him to work out who it is.
Tell him you don't want to feel this way as this man is already in a strong gay relationship but you cannot help your feelings.
Personally sweetheart I think he has had this gay relationship for some time and in a gay relationship that is a long term relationship as they don't normally last that long.
He says that he has been attracted to women and perhaps in saying that he may have misled you but he also said that it stops at a certain point, have you clarified with him what that point is? Has he always been gay or did he experiment with women previously?
I think you are in a difficult position but if you talk to him like this other person is someone else you may get an insight into his reaction.
The last thing you want to do is to lose two very good friends.
The other side of things is perhaps you are TOO close to him right now and need to back off a little as it is confusing you.
If you were in a relationship I think your feelings for him would be different but you are not and that is what is drawing you to him even more right now.
Ask him about his plans for the future with his bf, have they talked about having children together or not, maybe he wants to get close to you so that they could have a child together - who knows! They may look at you as their one true friend who would do anything for them but I think your heart is going to get very hurt if things don't go the way you want them to go.
Tread very carefully as his bf could also go berserk if this comes out that you fancy HIS man. Men can be bitches to so be careful about what you say.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
x
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