A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Lately i have been wondering if i should ask one of my best friends out. The only thing is i wont see her for 3 months when she goes back home for summer.A while back i took her out for lunch and had a good chat and from that point we became really good friends. Earlier on in the year she broke up with her boyfriend because he wasnt nice to her. So on Valentines day i got her a nice teddy bear. She realy liked it and we continued our great friendship.in the last week she went on a date with another guy but she says to me that he is really pushy and wants to end it fast. They have been on 2 dates and she has cancelled 5 of them because she cant be bothered with him. Every day we will have a good chat. We will talk about all sorts of things. Even personal things.I'm not sure if she sees me as just a friend or would like to date me. I do have a crush on the girl and would love to go out with her. She says im the sweetest guy she has met and she likes it when i look out for her. she is one of the nicest people i have ever met and i care for her deeply.Do you think i should ask her out when she breaks up with her new guy?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):
Hello,
I used to have quite the same dilemma... Ruin this beautiful friendship with a careless word or just stand there and watch her date with other men, one after another, listen to all the stories, until she does actually find someone else.
She was in trouble, too. And I was so determined that I will try my best to help her in any way I can. I would have loved to caress her cheek just once, but that would have scared her away at the second. No, I hardened myself -- it was far more important to be there for her, as a friend if it needs to be, someone she can trust and always rely on.
Let me tell you something I had learned along the way. Sorry about it, but I have bad news -- your beautiful friendship is already in ruins. It has been ruined when you first felt she was so refreshing and unique, when you first noticed the tiny dimples in her smile, and it was all in ruins when your heart first leaped for joy at the touch of her hand.
Neither of you wanted to ruin it, of course. You honestly do like her, too. She has the best traits for a true friend, if only you never felt in love with her! Because from that very moment, your true and mutual friendship is over. You can and will still care afterwards. In fact, you will care much more than ever before, and that's exactly the point.
What happened, you ask? Well, she noticed. I'm not sure, it may have been me: either I couldn't hide it very well anymore or she just asked herself why I may be doing all this for her and nobody else, apparently for no return. Women can be very empathic, even within their own misery.
I am truly sorry, but it seems you have already lost her as a friend. But she does like you as you have been before. Stay that person as much as you can. Be patient and understanding with her, but know your goal. Don't force the subject, don't rush, but when your moment comes, remember that you have only one way forward and none back.
Best wishes,
B.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): Mate, the girl i love is on the other side of the world. Have a personal talk, and talk 2 her friends 2 find out if she fancies u. Then ask her out.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (2 May 2008):
 I don't know if I'd be as forward as "let's go out sometime" because you're too uncertain, but I think I would lay a little foundation for when she comes back , just plant a seed in her mind to get her thinking about the possibility of you two working out, I would say something about how you think she's such an interesting person that it's a shame that she keeps sinking these losers (or a nicer word if you think she'll get defensive!), and you could say something like you can be sure I would treat you well or something like that and if she's weirded out or laughs at you, reassess the situation, if she's ok with that kind of comment, maybe make another, even as simple as that you'll miss her when she's gone and you'll definitely want to hang out more to make up for it later. good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): I would give it time, somethings are worth waiting for and unlike guys she has been involved with you have with her the foundations of a good friendship already, which is something you must have in a relationship.
She is not going anywhere and obviously enjoys your company.
I have a feeling tho that she must know how you feel, especially if you make the odd coment. I know you really like her but it seems she has a lot going on right now and i don't think you should add anything else in the equation.
I think she just needs a freind right now??
Give it time x
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