A
female
age
36-40,
*oman23
writes:three years ago I brought up a sexual comment to spice up the night and my husband threw me off,maybe we had a fight before, i dont know. Today I feel that he is not the sensual guy. There are other times that I see that he is not into the sensual talks or never brings up any sexual comments or passionate actions. He thinks that after three years I should move on because it affects our sexual life by the thoughts and worries that come up each time that I want to talk about it. He agreed about avoiding sometimes going into sexual topics with me because he wants to feel that he has nice women since I had 11 partners between ages 13 to 18 and that hurts him. He mentioned that I may put to much attention to the past.Is it normal that I still remember the case scenario of three years ago and see him as not sensual passionate man? what do we need to work on in order to better our sexual life?
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (15 October 2009):
 well I would just emphasize to him that when you do talk to him about sexy stuff, it's because you're interested in him and sexual things with him, and all those guys are so much in the past you don't even think about them anymore. I don't know if that's helpful enough for you though.
A
female
reader, woman23 +, writes (14 October 2009):
woman23 is verified as being by the original poster of the question to fidshish: no he didnt threw me off physically, just didnt accept the comments. Its the first one, he is open about sexuality in a way, I just think is not his thing.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (13 October 2009):
I'm not following:
-he threw you off of his body mid-act, or he just rejected your comments?
-it's an issue of you wanting to talk dirty and him thinking you're a whore because you've been with a lot of guys and he's reminded of that, instead of thinking it's sexy dirty talk made just for him because of the way he makes you feel? Or, is this bigger, is this we can't talk about sex or sexual things we want for each other? I would say that the latter is problematic; maybe he's more adventurous than you think but doesn't like the vocalization of those things, because he's embarassed by it? Did he grow up in a conservative/christian household (not to be prejudiced but those are factors that could lead to him not wanting to express his sexuality openly). So maybe it's just the talking aspect..you still have sex regularly or in a way that you're satisfied with? I would suggest, if it's just a matter of the talking issue, just trying new things, maybe bringing toys into the mix, maybe ones you could use on him, I don't know, maybe a blindfold or give him a lapdance or something new or different that you could try to highlight that you've never done before and just want to do with him, you know, so he may not be reminded of your past. what do you think of that?
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