A
male
age
36-40,
*9876
writes:Hey,I'm just a bit unsure of what to do here. Bit of background, I've been in the army for 3 years now, I went on overseas deployment and ended up getting wounded and coming home early. I now have some bad scaring on my face. I know it doesn't look too pretty but what can I do right?I started dating my girlfriend before all this, but ever since it happened she's been a bit funny about it. She hasn't said it plain, but I'm smart enough to know that if she brings it up quite often (Talking about if the scaring could possibly be reduced through various methods) that she doesn't like the look of it. I'm not sure whether to confront her or not. It hurts me quite a bit and I never thought it would be an issue and that she'd love me for who I am. Shouldn't she simply be grateful of the fact that I wasn't killed? Or that I've left the army to find safer and stabler work where I can see her more?Cheers people Reply to this Question
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male
reader, 09876 +, writes (17 April 2008):
09876 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all so much for your opinions and advice! I appreciate it more then I can say. Take it easy :)
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 I'm sure her comments aren't meant to sound ungrateful that you're alive but rather indicates her wish that things could just go 'back to normal,' to before you were overseas. It may not even signfy to her disfigurement but as a permanent reminder of the fear and pain she felt with you being gone. My own bf has been overseas as well, and I know that, as selfish as it sounds, I want to pretend it never happened, I want to just have the relationship we had, and if it were brought up over and over that he was gone, he was away from me, he left me, EVEN IF for a greater cause, it would still hurt to see those painful reminders. The scars may just reminder her of the dangers you faced everyday that she tried so hard to put out of her mind for PEACE of mind and sanity. Sorry for another example from my life, but I remember I refused to let my bf show me his gun because I didn't want part of that world: I didn't want to be reminded of the killing, and of the danger of being killed that everyday could have brought. Just a different perspective to consider. I would ask her what the scars mean to her, if they make her uncomfortable and why, and how she sees you two moving forward together without cosmetic fixes. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, shezza  +, writes (16 April 2008):
Your girlfriend needs time and so do you. If she didn't love you she would not be there right now. We all need time to adjust. You need to adjust to your scars too!
Your girlfriend should be glad that you are still alive and be proud and respect you for fighting for your country.
If you have concerns talk to her and be honest with her.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (16 April 2008):
I suspect that she is more concerned about how you are coping with it and how she can best support you. While some women are more concerned with appearance than looks, generally it is the other way around.
Have you ever noticed that often people have difficulty talking about an injury, serious illness, or some disfigurement, even if they know the person well. I think this comes from a natural concern not to talk about unpleasant things. Tell her that you would like to be able to talk about the whole scarring thing with her, your own feelings, hers, and what hope there is for the future to improve things. If she loves you she will be grateful that you want her perspective and advice. I think just talking about it together will make many of your fears go away and she will likely feel less awkward.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 April 2008):
 I just want to say thank you for your service to your country. I admire young men such as yourself. Those scars are honorable, in time I hope she can realize that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Well man,
You sound like a straight forward kind of guy so give it to her straight. See if there is indeed anything that can be done to reduce the scarring but at the end of the day we all start out with fresh young faces and time soon puts an end to that (look at all the ads on TV for cosmetics to 'stop the aging process'). It teaches us that what we should be loving is whats inside right. You have probably seen it yourself mate, a super fit bird with nothing to say for herself gets VERY boring VERY quickly. Your GF fell in love with the man you are, not just for your looks.
I agree, she should be thrilled that you didnt come home in a box.
Hope it all works out for the best bro.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): i reckon she should be grateful that u havent been killed!! i definately would, regardless of whether u even lost a couple of limbs while u were gone!
although she may be finding it quite hard as she had known you without the scars.
they may reduce in size and that over time, but they'll be there for the rest of your life, and she may well have to get used to it if she loves you that much and wants to stay with u.
thats the best i can give, hope it helps
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