A
female
age
36-40,
*ishdish
writes:I know this isn't a romance question but maybe you can help me anyway. Over the last year I've been having more trouble dealing with my problems in healthy ways, and when I am overwhelmed my knee jerk thought is to hurt myself, to cut myself mostly. I have only acted on it several times, which is not to say I followed through with a cut or blood necessarily, but more scratches; considering how many times I've felt overwhelmed that's pretty good, but I still hate having the thoughts to begin with. I've gone to a counselor but she tried to belittle me into this self-hating, self-esteemless adolescent. My wanting to hurt myself seriously isn't a matter of how I feel about myself, I think I'm a great person, intelligent and funny and caring, and worth more than cutting, and this is why I want to stop the thoughts to begin with. I'd prefer responses from people who have gone through this, because I've gotten responses in the past about "take a walk" "exercise" and "pet a kitten"-- when we're talking about sudden, immediate relief, that stuff will not do. I hate just waiting it out and countering the urges. there has to be more to stop them to begin with. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (22 June 2008):
fishdish is verified as being by the original poster of the question I wrote this a while back, and just wanted to update you all and say that the urges to hurt myself have significantly decreased, I'd say 1 urge per 1-2 months, but it's no longer my gut reaction when there's a troubling issue in my life. Thank you all for the support.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): I am 17 and have self-harmed and stopped self-harming. I used to make deep cuts on my arm to bleed but stopped after about 6-7 months(a long 6-7 months). I did try things to stop me such as ice and elastic bands but i think that they are likely to trigger rather than stop the urge. Counsaling helped alot but wasn't all that great as far as the cuts go. The way i stopped was simply to imagin how much better my skin will look when i stop, and get motivation from that. my lecturers up my ass see u and peace( just stop)
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A
female
reader, gmapeaches +, writes (10 November 2007):
 Well, everyone has given you some really good advise. i am not sure i have much to add.. just when i was in my teens I had this same desire.. felt pretty good generally, had some issues but there would be these times that i felt like i would just implode if i didn't cut myself.. i wasn't trying to maim myself or kill myself.. just release the pressure i guess.. its a hard feeling to explain, but as you can see by the responses many have had those urges, and survived, and beat them. Counseling is only as good as your counselor.. i did go to counseling and she said basically that i had some stress and it was a coping mechanism.. blah blah blah.. you find what works for you.. i met a guy.. a friend that would drop whatever he was doing and come to me when i needed him... no matter what he was doing, and sit with me.. distract me.. watch a movie eat a pizza.. whatever i needed to release the pressure.. you need to find your "happy place" you know that thing that makes it ok for you.. and use it.. when you have a baby they teach you in lamaze to focus on something to ease the pain.. same principal.. figure out what that thing is that brings you joy.. feed the ducks. go by water, walk in the woods, find something scenic and let the nature absorb the pressure.. you can do it.. we can all offer ideas and support and understanding but the answer is in you.. you have to find what will help you cope with you.. even this.. this website.. help others.. it will help you.. good luck i am wishing you the best...
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A
female
reader, blondie 12  +, writes (10 November 2007):
 wow thats a hard one i used to have those feelingjust try to think of some thing happy or wach tv for a wile to get your mind off it it evetculey went away for me but just don't kill your slef ok byebye blondie 12
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (10 November 2007):
 This is a difficult problem to take by the horns.
It certainly would not be prudent to try to give you psychological counseling in this kind of setting.
I have looked up a couple of articles on a website I trust implicitly. I am sure you will be able to relate to what is said there and they should give you a good measure of help. Please read them. The first article is "Why do I hurt myself?" and the second is "How can I stop hurting myself?" I hope they help. Doc
http://www.watchtower.org/e/200601a/article_01.htm
http://www.watchtower.org/e/200602a/article_01.htm
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A
female
reader, TheOneWhoNeedsAnswers +, writes (10 November 2007):
I have had thoughts like that too and I didnt really know how to handle it. Id listen to music to get my mind off stuff but the music I listend to just made things worse. I think its best if you just let out your problems. Talk to someone it might make you feel better.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (9 November 2007):
 It's something that I fight through every day. If it really comes to it, get large rubber bands, and flick them on your wrists. It hurts, but it won't cause any permanent damage. I'm not going to feed you the crap that they tell you in counseling. Counselors do not understand most of the time. All I can tell you is what I tell myself: You're going to be ok, even if it takes time... :)
DV1
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Hi fishdish (I like the name). I haven't self harmed and for most of my life didn't really understand this practice. However, last year I had a girlfriend who self harmed from time to time. So I can share what I know with you. Hopefully you will find it reassuring in some way.
Just to put in perspective for you, I have used the term girlfriend, she was in fact a very intelligent, respectable, attractive (very attractive) confident 50 year old woman. A mother of two succesful grown up children. As I said, she would occasionally harm herself. A few times over me I found out - which was quite concerning. We talked about it one evening. She said that it was her way of relieving pressure, which occurred when she didn't feel in full control.She also said she had difficulty handling the pressure when she couldn't let her feelings out - like when she had a crisis, but had guests staying. She would cut herself - across the wrists normally. She would hide it afterwards by wearing fabric hairbands as bracelets. When she first told me about it , I admit I was shocked, I connected it with some sort of suicide attempt. Since then I have come to understand it is nothing to do with that. I think of it more now as just the same as someone going and smoking six cigarettes one after the other when they have a crisis, or someone having two double whiskies, or going for a 10 mile jog to the point of exhaustion, or whatever else people do to relieve inner pressure/turmoil. It's just a coping mechanism. She didn't feel any need to be "cured" - and after a while I had to agree with her. It's not logical to those that didn't understand it - but no more illogical than other things I've mentioned. The cuts she did were not deep - just enough to hurt - and cause blood to flow. If I think back - I have known men to punch something solid when they are frustrated - causing severe bruising and cuts to the knuckles and pain and blood - and I guess this is another form of self harm but it seemed much more "normal".
However, I am well aware that everybody is different, and what I have described may not apply to you. I notice that you are concerned about "waiting it out/countering the urges." There are some "self harm" websites - have you looked at those. I know when I first learned about my girlfriend harming I looked it up on internet simply by doing a google search on self harm. I hope that what I have added is of some use use to you and reassuring in some way if nothing else. (That's a great name - fishdish).
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (9 November 2007):
 I have a site that can help you it offers loads of alternatives and everyone is so nice and helpful and we dont judge message me if you want the link.
As a self harmer in recovery i know exactly what your going through and it is hard so hard but i used to do several things to help the urges, squeezing ice, covering my tools in loads of tape and then putting it in water and freezing it (so by the time its defrosted and the tapes off im calmer) writting things down drawing on myself with red felt tips (its weird but it tricks your mind or my favoutire squeezing a spiky dog ball, there are so many things you can do without cutting you just have to find the one that suits you its hard and it takes time but in time the feelings go.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (9 November 2007):
 I found this link: http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Cutting-Yourself
Good luck hon. Please take care of yourself.
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