A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i'm a 27 year old and have been thinking bout men since i was 17. it started as a little bit here and there like one day think about men the next i think about women. i had a sense of guilt when i masturbate thinking bout men when i blow. at the age of 19 i started masturbating my anal with a carrot with a condom on to see what it was like i luved the feeling.(havn't done that in a long time) since then the last 6 to 7 years i have been watching gay porn and get an arrouse when i see 2 men having intercourse. i still have my doubts of being gay. i have been to sex shops looking for gay porn and have been into gay sex places where men have sex ive been in there 15 times just about in the last 8 to 9 years ive given about 5 guys headjobs and have recieved one in that time so yeah would it make me gay or bi as i still have these feeling's i think about girls heaps but i luv gay porn aswell it's just very confusing??? please give me your honest opinion's thanks :)??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): If you love men and want to have sex with just men then your gay. If you love women then your straight.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): Hi. It seems to me you haven't met the 'right' person yet. If you had you would know that emotionally and physically this person was the right one for you. From what you say it's more likely to be a man but you can't rule out women either. So enjoy your life and the journey to finding that special person. don't dwell on am I gay or bi or straight. focus on how you feel about the person you are currently involved with - if this is the right one, you will know. True love is not determined by gender.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): dude... who cares if you are gay, bi, straight, whatever. i agree with the other writer who needs labels?
just be honest with yourself and do what feels good (guys, girls, trannies, whatever).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Put it this way - I wouldn't bend down to pick up a dropped bar of soap in the shower if you were anywhere behind me unless I could get my backside close to a wall.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): why do you have to label yourself? you know what you like! so just get on with your life
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): thanks 4 your advice people's any more feedback and advice would be greatfull as it's takin 10 years to get to the stage where i think i mite be bi. like emotionally i do want to be with a women but physically may wanna be with a man. i have had sex with women and enjoyed it but ive enjoyed giving headjob's with the guy's i have with. im thinking i am bi but still abit scared in admitting it to myself i know i have done stuff but still have denial but im feeling more confortable about the whole thing comparing 10 years ago. all the advice that has been written has pretty much helped. thanks again for the feedback guys and gals much more thoughts and feedback would be appreciated :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): The combination of fantasising about men since age 17, anal masturbation since age 19, years of arousal watching gay porn, and giving 5 guys head would lead me to conclude that you are indeed gay. Or bi. But not straight.
You 'think about girls heaps'...have you had and enjoyed sex with women? That would make you bisexual or hetero-curious. If not, you're entirely gay. If so, you're bi. Somewhere in the middle. Good place to be, I think: why close yourself off to one possibility or the other?
Anon female and fishdish both make an excellent point I'd like to pick up on: you may be sexually mostly into men, but romantically/emotionally attracted to women. (Or the other way round. The spectrum is infinite)
I've had sex with 6 or 10 men (depending on how one defines 'having sex') and two women. From age 15 I've always felt pretty sure I was gay - sexually, I predominantly am gay, no doubt about that - but have a definite inkling that I'm falling in love with a woman right now in a way I've NEVER felt about a guy. The heart doesn't lie, neither do the genitals. Listen to what they're both telling you, and see where you think you stand.
(On a less serious note, I thought the image of the carrot with the condom on was pretty funny.)
Good luck! Biggest thing to bear in mind: whatever sexuality you are, it's NOT a problem unless you choose to let it become one.
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A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 I agree with previous posters that have mentioned the spectrum of sexual orientation.
I will refer to you the Kinsey Scale for more information about that: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale
Some people who are bisexual feel a ‘shift’ in interests at different points throughout their life. Others are fairly/totally centered on one level of bisexuality. Some bisexuals feel physical/sexual desires for one sex but physical/emotional desires for another. IE: a level 1 or 2 may fancy the occasional guy in a purely sexual way, but dreams of falling in love and having a family with a woman.
Based on the little you’ve shared I might suggest you are closer to a 4, but hey, I’m not you and only you can ultimately answer that question.
Now, what to do about it: accept yourself. If you are bisexual, than you are bisexual; there is no pill to make it go away, and just because you also fancy women does not mean that by marrying one and having a hundred children you will ever be completely ‘straight’ or (as others have claimed in a desperate attempt to find self-acceptance) ‘cured.’
This will mean being honest with your future partners about this aspect of your sexuality. Some people may not be able to handle it, others will. I know people that are married to a bisexual spouse; it can and does happen. Just because you have the ability to be attracted to bother genders does not mean you function any differently while in a committed relationship.
If you are having an especially difficult time accepting yourself as you are, know that you are not alone. Many people only come to really understand the nature of their sexual orientation later in life. Sometimes much later.
I hope this helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): Sexuality is not black and white. To put it bluntly, you're bisexual. You obviously fancy both men and women, maybe sometimes you prefer one more than the other, but you like both. You're more than likely bisexual :-) Loadsa people are, it's not even vaguely a problem! Hope this helps, xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): I can't stand it when people do not believe in bisexuality, like some of these posters. If you like both girls and guys, you are BISEXUAL. Why does it have to be more complicated? Are you turned off by a naked woman? Then yes you might be gay. Would you rather walk in poop then have sex with a woman: yes you are gay too. But if you enjoy women and sex with them, find them attractive as you find men attractive: you are bisexual. Being bisexual doesnt mean you like each gender 50/50. Maybe you like girls 30% and guys 70%. Maybe it's the other way around too. Maybe you like certain sides of each gender. I know it can be confusing, especially when people tell you you are gay when you don't feel very gay. Or they tell you you are straight when you know that's not completely true. So lay back, stop trying to label yourself, and enjoy who you are, that is the best advice I can give you.Do you enjoy having sex with women? Then don't stop. Do you enjoy giving head? Then don't stop. Do the things YOU enjoy and that make you happy. What people label you as does not matter. Labeling does not matter at all.
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (13 October 2009):
Not to be just blunt or give you a superficial answer to your question, I know someone would want to definte themself more so than by a dictionary definition. But according to the Meriam-Webster dictionary a homosexual is:
1 : of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex
2 : of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex
In my opinion if you're sexual attracted to men and have gone as far as having oral sex with them, it's pretty safe to say that you are gay. I know that some say bi, but usually even those that are bi lean more toward one sex than the other. I've known plenty of gay men (yes, they were gay and not bi) who loved women's breasts and butts. They liked to touch girls and even flirt with them but having sex with them didn't really tickle their fancy. Gay, bi, or straight--just do what feels natural to you and makes you happy.
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (13 October 2009):
 I disagree that once you touch a guy you're no longer straight or that you're officially gay. I would continue to push yourself to figure out who you're more comfortable with; for me I'm sexually attractive to girls, that's pretty much the only thing I masturbate to too but I really don't see myself ever settling down with a girl. I see my fantasies with girls, and if I didn't have a boyfriend I could see myself fooling around with girls, but I can't see my future as a lesbian or living a technically lesbian lifestyle ( a wife and adopted or implanted kid, for example). Consider this side of the issue.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): Seems like your bi, with a higher preference for guys.
Sounds like, physically it's men, but possibly emotionally women.
There's a lot of bi guys, that relationship-wise, it's women, and once in awhile they'll get with another guy physically, but it's purely sexual - they don't want relationships with men.
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A
male
reader, Cape Breton1 +, writes (13 October 2009):
You're probably just bisexual. It's hard to pinpoint sexuality. It's fluid. In our culture we attach archetypes to certain ideas and we try to squeeze ourselves into these impossible molds. I once heard this statistic from a professor in college:
if you take seven random people
X X X X X X
gay straight
One is totally gay and one is totally straight. And the rest are all bisexual. However, if you have crossed the line to sexual touching, one thing is clear: you're certainly not straight.
Back in the 70s, straight people experimented all the time. Check this out: http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/bowie.asp
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A
male
reader, shane in dallas +, writes (13 October 2009):
 Yeah... You're gay... But that's not bad. I'm gay and I went thru all that. Sorry dude, it's the natural process. But it can be fun... First though: The sex clubs are nasty. So are bookstores. There currently is a high rate of STDs (research the info, everyone should) and the attitude to often that disclosing those facts to your dates is "it's more of a third date thing", usually after some kind of intimacy has happened. Also, it's not mentally healthy to develop that area of your life into a degrading, unfulfilling thing. Especially now when you feel you are still learning "what all this means" and have an opportunity to make it a fun, fulfilling experience.
So if you're going to places anyway, then go to places where guys meet to talk and meet people. Yes, mostly these are bars, but every extra-curricular activity has a gay group you can look into.
Later when you see how you grow with it, you can worry at what level you are bi or whatever. Peace.
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