A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have a little dilemma. I met this guy online and we hit it off from the very first meeting. I told him from the start that I was not looking for anything serious and just wanted someone to have fun and a casual relationship with ..like a FWB. He said he's been looking for a serious relationship for a while. The problem is I know he is all wrong for me. He is loud, a little obnoxious, covered in tattoos and lacking in a little manners. I am shy, reserved, considerate, well traveled and educated. For some odd reason, when we are together, we laugh and get along like there is no tommorrow. I like the fact that he is not jugdemental, and critical and I can just be myself.However, I did bring him to meet my roomates/friends and they cannot believe I am hanging around him and do not understand what I see in him. He himself has said he can be a real jerk and A**hole but he has never been this to me, and I do not see that when I look him into his eyes. I see a sweet kind gentle soul, and his eyes light up when he smiles.He was in the military and has serve 3 combat tours in Iraq. My friends say I need to run as fast as I can because these guys can be a little "messed up" in the head.But I see him as a brave hero and although he is "crazy" and wild sometimes. We cannot deny our attraction and strong connection. I'm pretty sure I won't fall in love with him and be in a serious relationship but should I just end it to prevent it from heading that way? I am new to dating after ending a 12 year relationship, so I don't want to hurt anyone.. nor hurt myself. Thanks for the advice
View related questions:
military, shy, tattoo Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy friends were right. he was a big jerk. he lied and is a cheater too. i think i need to grow up emotionally. i live in la la land when i meet a man i have a connection with.
now i see it's only one sided. what a wake up call
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrust me I'm a grown woman. I know it's not love.
Lust...and infatuation..YES.
But it's definitiely NOT LOVE. I decided to not contact him for a while to let things cool down. I need some space to sort things out.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): sounds like your in love with him
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (17 November 2008):
Follow your heart! - I have never listened to my friends or family over relationships because they do not know what you are truly feeling! - Yes they could be right in the long run - but do what makes you happy!!
I'm keeping in touch with a bit of a "bad lad" who I know is wrong for me - a bit of a player, covered in tatoos, no money, wrong religion etc etc - but I LOVE HIM & want to keep in touch no matter what! - So while he makes me happy I will keep in touch with him!
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 November 2008):
 I agree with moongoddess-don't listen to others or judge from you past relationships, maybe you need something a little refreshingly new and different from your old man. I wouldn't necessarily factor his being a vet either into anything, he may have been fairly isolated from combat, and even if not, he may have a good head on his shoulders anyway. I would definitely risk the relationship, i think it's cool that you're opposites that click so well. good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat I meant is I am capable of NOT getting attached. I've learn to walk away and let go pretty easy. HE's the one that has said he's afraid that he's falling for me and scared I will break his heart.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, my long term relationship ended almost a year ago and I have had two flings before this guy. I think those guys were the rebound.
I guess I want the companionship without the commitment.
I believe I am almost commitment phobe now.
What I want is to date around and see and get to know every different type of men that is out there.
I never dated in my 20's and now i just want to have fun.
I believe i am capable of getting too attached.
I've learned to kind of think like a guy and not get too emotional over things. My fear is if I choose the wrong guy, is he going to stalk me or do some fatal attraction things. Maybe i am thinking too much into it.
When i say connection...i mean our conversation is smooth, we feel comfortable around each other, we laugh a lot, and overall, it's easy. Never having to try.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): Hi, there. So much for the shyness: friends with benefits!!I am sure he would love that, but I think it would be eventually hard on a girl. Women ussually don't want to sleep around, so I don't know how FWB could be perfect situation for any woman. Men and women weren't created equally.The fact that he is different from someone that you think would be your perfect match doesn't really mean that you guys aren't competible. May be it is a rebound feeling you experience may be not. I wouldn't listen to my friends, they don't see the same as you. I met my husband, when he had no job, golden crowns, purple boots, and not taken care of beard.we married 10 months later, and now it's twenty two years.I was affraid to introduce him to my very conservative jewish family, and he is not jewish. He turned out to be wonderfull husband, father and a great friend, who never left my side when I was sick. He had a lot of talents that eventually became his carrier, and he became one of a hell provider for our family.So, you never know what 's underneath those tattos. Seems like you like him a lot. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (17 November 2008):
 I think this is called rebounding. Its easier to get over someone with someone you don't have a real future with.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): There are a couple of potential pratfalls here.
Firstly, a friends with benefits relationship is usually a guy's wet dream......it is great for him, sex with no feelings attached, but we women are wired differently, we usually bond with the man we are having sex with....and I can tell this is happening to you.
Secondly, there is a danger in perceiving a strong "connection" this is usually your brain chemicals from lust kicking in and making you all googly eyed. At this stage you are projecting on him your own desires and wants and needs and qualities that you Hope he will have and take care of.... The connection masks REALITY. So don't make any big decisions about this guy just yet.
Thirdly, your friends think you are nuts because you are vulnerable after a break up from such a longterm relationship, and they would be right, you are definately on the rebound.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): There are a couple of potential pratfalls here.
Firstly, a friends with benefits relationship is usually a guy's wet dream......it is great for him, sex with no feelings attached, but we women are wired differently, we usually bond with the man we are having sex with....and I can tell this is happening to you.
Secondly, there is a danger in perceiving a strong "connection" this is usually your brain chemicals from lust kicking in and making you all googly eyed. At this stage you are projecting on him your own desires and wants and needs and qualities that you Hope he will have and take care of.... The connection masks REALITY. So don't make any big decisions about this guy just yet.
Thirdly, your friends think you are nuts because you are vulnerable after a break up from such a longterm relationship, and they would be right, you are definately on the rebound.
...............................
|
