A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am with a woman who can't say the L-word. We have been together a year and a half and I feel like the woman. I say "I love you" and I get silence...she cant say it and tells me anytime she ever said it in her life everything went wrong---but i think its a normal and healthy thing; am i wrong??I have done so many things for and with this person and she did one time tell me she loved me---she told me "im going to tell you this once; I love you"...but i mean it is nice to hear once in a great while. She also is not a "snuggling/compassionate" person like a normal women (person) with feelings. Upon telling some of the traits of this person to others, they often stated she was Narcissistic and even "self-destructive". I don't know, i have put so much time and energy and heart into this relationship and I'm kinda of concerned because I personally think people should have a healthly happy family relationship and she seems non-responsive to any type of involvement that crosses the lines of bringing our young children together...I don't think this is fair to my kids or myself---when I mention it she says maybe I should find someone else because she cant give me that.Occasionally too, on the phone i get the one word replies. Q:"What did you do today" A:"Alot of things"........(silence) Q:"Did you clean your house" A:"I told you I was going to". Almost defensive and kind of rude. This doesnt happen all the time, but i really am having a hard time deal with it esp after all the things I do for this person.I really dont know what to do---we do have great times together and I love her but want a healthy relationship that can grow and isnt a convienience for the other person
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female
reader, Cindy303  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Just because she cant say it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Saying those three big words can be hard on someone. She is just looking at her past, everytime she says it something bad happens. She is trying to protect herself by not saying those words. She is scared to say them. I can bet she feels love, but knows that if the "L" word comes out of her mouth then she is thinking everything you have will fall apart. Just give her time. If you love her, then be patient with her. When she is feeling secure and safe, she will tell you. Dont give up on her. All the best, Cindy
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (6 April 2008):
 I am also one who has trouble just spitting out I love you all the time. I do think that is putting a lot of trust in the other person's hands that I wouldn't feel comfortable with. Plus, I only like to say it when it feels genuine. I do say I love you everytime my bf says it so he doesn't feel horrible, but it does sometimes feel forced, maybe she doesn't want to sound contrived or just say it cause you say it.
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A
male
reader, brow  +, writes (6 April 2008):
I was in a relationship with a woman that could not tell me she loved me. It ended badly, I would not date a person like that again. You situation is more complex then mine was, there was no children involved. However her family was kept in the dark about our relationship because of cultural differences. Like I said I would not go through that again.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): I dated a woman that was not able to tell me she loved me. It ended badly. I would not stay with a person like that again. Hope it works out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Well they say opposites attract. She sounds like a dominant personality, and you are more amicable type....she is strong where you are soft.....so I guess if there are no other major issues then you may be more compatible with her than with someone more like yourself....I don't know, only you know this for sure.
It does sound like she is keeping her distance with her kids, which maybe is the smart thing to do until you two decide to actually combine your lives, she doesn't want her kids to become attached until she knows that they won't have to become unattached to you and your kids....i.e. you are commited to each other. Don't stop telling her you love her, and she will eventually be able to tell you the same....her emotions may run deep, and it can be a bit hard for her to reach down and pull them out to say them on a daily basis....doesn't mean she doesn't feel it.....she is just a different personality than you.
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