A
male
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*eithym
writes:Hi, I'm having problems with my girlfriend but im not sure if it is me who is in the wrong.I'm 30 and she is nearly 27. We have been going out 4 mths now, and I normally see her a few times a week. However she doesnt like me arranging social activities with my friends without consulting her first and thinks that we're not seeing achother enough. However i feel vey controlled by this but also cant help thinking that she is right and that i should consult her on everything i do.But i think she uses the 'must consult me first' as an excuse because sh wasnt hapoy when i saidi was going to las vegas with my friends next year on a stag, nor was she happy that im going on a socila night out with workmates in a few weeks and wanted to come to.It is not that i go out lots with my friends through the week. I have a few friend groups but only normally see one group about once a week. Im thinking as she doesnt have many friends and they often let her down she is unsecure or lonely, im not sureSo what do you guys think? Is she being controlling and selfish here or am I in the wrong and should be more understanding?It would be great if i could hear some advice from anyone on hereThanksKeith Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 You are definitely not in the wrong. Although you are a couple, you have a right to do your thing without consulting her. Sounds like she has insecurity and control issues. Don't let her make you feel that you did anything wrong. The best relationships are the ones where both people have their separate lives but come back to each other. good luck
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (4 August 2008):
You are definitely not in the wrong. Although you are a couple, you have a right to do your thing without consulting her. Sounds like she has insecurity and control issues. Don't let her make you feel that you did anything wrong. The best relationships are the ones where both people have their separate lives but come back to each other. good luck
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A
male
reader, xray2112  +, writes (1 August 2008):
How is the time that you spend together? I think all she wants is to know is that she's special. When she's secure in this, she'll be secure in your doing things on your own. If you haven't already, you should be introducing her to your group of friends and including her if there's other women around. When she knows your friends she won't have a problem when you do your own thing. Time apart is good for a relationship, but not if there's no trust. When the two of you are together make it super quality time. Make her feel like there's no one else in the world but the two of you. Her confidence and security will never be an issue.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (1 August 2008):
 You social events... are there only guys? Because if there are females included, then she should go too. She should not be excluded from mixed gender events.
My boyfriend goes out with his buddies every now and then, and he also goes on 2 day trips every great now and then. No problem. Do You Know what I mean?
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (1 August 2008):
 It could be that she is insecure or lonely or that she wants more time with you than that she wants to control your life. Also, as for the 'consultations' i'd say that it could be to simply mentally prepare herself for those times you won't be around so she won't be in the dark about that kind of thing. It does sound like she wants a bigger time commitment from you than either you're willing to give or than you're interested in, so I'd step up your care for her if that's where your interests lie...why can't you have the best of both worlds and invite her TO the things you do with your friends, get her more exposed to your people and get her in one of your circles of friends?
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