A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and her roommate (male, also my childhood friend) are getting too close. He is getting sexual and crossing the line and being disrespectful. We both met my girlfriend about 4 months ago and I started dating her, but then he moved in with her and her friend because they all needed an apartment. I have been cool with the flirting because they live together and this happens, but lately it has progressed into weird territory. He is usually trying to grab her boobs or feel her ass when they go out. He has begun telling her he loves her. The other night he was trying to grind on her at an irish pub (i.e. no grinding, just step dancing...). I can't police the goddamn girl. I told her I'm uncomfortable and she tells her she doesn't like it, but why hasn't she put her foot down already?But I also think she is leading him on. She does things like sitting on his lap and texting him everyday. They joke about holding hands and being sexual with each other. But now its crossed the line to actual touching and I'm fed up. Should I tell her its over? Should I just tell him to f' off?
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (13 October 2009):
 Why don't you try to get her to move in with you? I would try to tell her to be with you (by moving in, or at least backing off that other guy) or it's over, i really don't think she understands the consequences. And if she gets defensive and thinks you're out of line, you'll at least know better where you stand.
she sounds gross though, and I'd dump her, I'd only do what I suggested if I REALLY liked the girl.
A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (13 October 2009):
 You need to tell her its over.
She is clearly not a good girlfriend if she takes these sexual advances so lightly, and even takes part in initiating them.
Why continue being in a relationship with some girl you can't fully trust who isn't even that crazy about you? Let them play their stupid little games with each other, you are better than that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): I can understand why this is bothering you so much. It would bother me too.
It might be that your girlfriend doesn't realise how this is making you feel, even though you have tried to tell her. Maybe she sees it as fun. Or, it could be that she likes what is going on. In either case, I don't think it is very nice of her to be doing this. The fact that they live together must make this even more difficult.
You could try talking to him, and ask him to back off a bit. While you understand they are friends, he is your friend too. And she is your girlfriend. So they are crossing a line that isn't usually supposed to be crossed. Although you have spoken to your girlfriend about it, if he doesn't stop, then she might feel unable to say anything.
If this carries on though, if it was me in the situation I would leave. I think it is disrespectful, and if talking to them doesn't help then I'm not sure what would. If you was to say that you have had enough, I think you might get an answer to this situation. Either she will realise how much this has been troubling you and will want to try again, without all of the unnecessary flirting with the other guy. Or, they may become an item themselves. But either way, I don't think this situation should continue as it is. There is no trust here, which I can understand from your part, so that will make the relationship very difficult.
If you are not comfortable with this situation, make a stand. I can't guarantee that it will work out as you may hope...but if it doesn't, at least you will know, and you won't have to put up with this from two people you are supposed to be able to trust. Good luck. x
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