A
female
age
30-35,
*mcurioustoo
writes:A few months ago my 17 year old boyfriend and I ended up pregnant... we'd decided way before it ever happend what we would do.. Which for us sadly was abortion.. Now I know what your thinking baby killer right we'll my reasoning behind my decision is quite logical.. Im 17 cannot support myself let alone a child my mother is a single mom and we scrape by with the bills ... my boyfriends familys financial situation is even worse.. I couldn't and wouldn't put that responsibility on our mothers .. They did there jobs they raised us.. What kind of life could I give a baby?... considering the circumstances a very bleak one.. And so we went through with it got the abortion.. The worst pain I've ever been in emotional and physical both.. And somehow about a month ago my older sister found out and called me a baby killer and said she hopes I feel like crap for the rest of my life and even told me I wasn't allowed to see my 11 month old neice.. She told my father too .. My dad and I have a bad relationship he's a very mean person and unhappy .. He's never even met my bf and I've been with him for over a year.. But now more and more events keep happening and my dads always around and I don't wanna have that conversation .. I shouldn't have to explain myself I need advice
View related questions:
abortion Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, missy e  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 your reply to my answer made me write this again,im hurting right know because of your situation and im thinking if im feeling this way how about you.like i said before, i really am sorry about what happen to you and whether i am anti abortion or not i will NEVER call u or see u as a baby killer because ur not one.i pray that with time you will heal because what u did was for a better cause in ur eyes and i dont want to think of you as a mother at this young age looking for any job to feed your baby,that in my eyes will not be correct.goodluck.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (23 June 2009):
 Hi there!
first of all, my heart goes out to you.its terrible to go through an ordeal of abortion and not have the correct support around.
you must remember Abortion is never an easy option for any woman and every woman whose had one has her own reasons for doing it.
Please try and ignore and forgive what your sister's saying. she is cruel and does not understand the reason for your choice.
you did the right thing in your eyes, and thats all that matters right now. do not care what any1 else's opinion is on the matter.
truly your sister cannot understand the amount of pain and agonising you went through to have an abortion, im surprised she hasnt comforted you.
Both her and your father sound very cruel.
there are ways of dealing with this. since your sister knows have you tried writing your feelings down to her on paper? and leaving it where she can read it?
you must first give them a chance to hear you out, then if after that they dont accept you for what you did, its best you pull away from them.
try and not be alone with your dad in situations where he can upset you, as for your sister you should tell her to mind her own business if she continues.
if they both gang up and you feel you cannot cope you should think of moving out and getting away from such negative minded people!
good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 June 2009):
 I really don't want to get into the rights or wrongs of the abortion or the events that led up to it. I'm not sure exactly who I'm writing to. Really More to the family than to the young woman who asked the question. First off the time to prevent the abortion or the pregnancy is long past now. They have become a part of your daughter / sisters life now, and as an extension part of your life. There is no use condemning her now or telling her what she should have done. From the looks of things, she is trying to overcome some emotional turmoil over these events. She needs help, support and love. Name calling and estrangement will push her away from you and make it impossible for you to influence future events in her life. Love and forgiveness are the christian way to handle this. I do hope that you can all look more to the future and less to the past.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): You did the right thing, and you know you did. It's unfortunate that we live in a world where people have difficulty understanding these things, but believe me, I don't think you're a baby killer. For what it's worth, I think you are a normal teenage girl who had an accident and dealt with it the best way you could. YOU WERE SMART. Don't let people talk down to you. No method of contraception is 100%, and people have sex - so accidents happen! And having a baby when you can't afford to is worse than not. You know this already.
Time for you to be an adult and bring it up with your dad. Be calm, rational and explain everything. Tell him that you were careful, that you were in a committed and loving relationship, but that accidents happen. Tell him that you didnt feel ready to be a mother, and although the decision was difficult, you knew it was the right choice and you have other plans for your future - maybe with a child later on. Apologize, listen to what he says, but then leave it. It's in the past. Tell your sister that if she thinks family and children are so important, then she should start with loving and respecting her own family first (ie, you).
What ever you do, don't allow people to abuse you emotionally or try to make you feel guilty. You know in your heart it was the right thing, and that's all that matters. It's your body, it's your life. Be proud of that decision. In the meantime, maybe you can speak to a counselor or someone you trust about your feelings. I see that you're in the states so I hope you are not in an area where people are small minded and hateful etc. I'm sorry you have to go through this. You will be ok!
...............................
A
female
reader, missy e +, writes (23 June 2009):
i believe u should have thought about all this financial situation thing before falling pregnant,i mean u knew what will happen if u have unprotected sex with ur boyfriend.and u knew about ur family and his family's financial constraints.but i know what u going through and i cant kick a sister when she is already down,so talk to ur sister tell her how u feel,and what caused ur decision mayb she will understand.if she understand she will help u talk to ur father but do this when they have came down and relaxed.the only way to solve issues is through talking therefore like it or not u wil have to talk to them.next time remember to use a condom so u will be safe.good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): You are not a baby killer and don't think of yourself like that. You did the right thing for yourself, sometimes we have to look out for number one and the situation we're in. At age 17, you would have ended up with a baby and a rubbish job.
...............................
|
