A
female
age
41-50,
*affy
writes:my boyfriend I have been dating for 3 months told me he doesnt want me to lose weight as other men might fancy me, after seeing my hurt reaction he laughed it off saying he was joking but at the time did not seem that way
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Maybe he wants you to lose weight and said that comment, so you'd think oi! Well that hurt so i'm going to lose weight and punish him by letting other guys fancy him, then you lose weight and he gets what he wanted
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 My advice is for him. A happy supported woman is not likely to go looking. When she feells comfortable with her body she will be confident, and confdent is sexy. Support her in the effort. Don't be a diet coach. If she declines desert don't push. Plan dates that center around activity instead of food. More frisbee less movies. And keep up with the complements, which means being observant enough to be sincere. She wants to know that her goals are important to you.
FA
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 May 2009):
I want to add my two bits to this, even tho the topic is a bit old. Daffy has followed up so we knoow she is watching. Looking at your agesuprised me a bit, so many of the diet questions we get come from much younger women. The insecurity angle is likely a valid point. Many women complain that their husbands sabotage their diets by buying them sweets. The theory is that they are subconciously afraid that their wives are trying to attract outside attention. So perhaps your guy is more prone to the freudian slip. Another factor is the evoloutionary / biological imperitive to feed the woman so she can be a healthy mother. Historically this has been carried to great excess. There are many men who llike women a bit (sometimes a lot) on the heavy side. So he may be quite happy with your current size, and not see a reason to change. Lastly as a culture women are now very concious of their bodys and it often becomes an obsession. Many men are just tired of hearing about it.
to be continued
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A
female
reader, daffy +, writes (14 May 2009):
daffy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answers, I really appreciate your advice. I would like to add that this was said by him AFTER me saying I wanted to lose weight, not him trying to tell me too as I seem to have missled you. thanks again x
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (14 May 2009):
Losing weight can have health benefits so maybe it was a subtle hint from him to shed a few pounds for your own good, not for his(as he said other guys may fancy you) x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): Maybe I am reading too much into this...but he sounds quite insecure. Instead of being worried about him insinuating that your heavier...I would think his comment is a bit troubling. So what if you are chunky, bigger, skinnier, slimmer. And so what if other guys notice you?! He should be proud of you, no matter how you look. Keep an eye on that little, subtle controlling side of him, hun. It could have been an off-hand, stupid remark..but just watch for other signs, as you go along. Such as: he wants you all to himself, he alienates you from friends and other people, close to you.
You've only been dating for 3 months...this is the time to think smart and assess who he really is and don't tolerate these dumb comments...let him know this maturely...that comments like that, could be misread in the wrong way. This should put a quick stop to his 'jokes'. And if you see any warning signs of 'control' dump the guy, fast!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): many a cruel true word is said in jest.
the guy wants you to lose weight and doesn't have the balls to tell you on your face.
maybe it's not all bad............... start eating healthily and start losing weight, slowly .FOR YOURSELF. if you need to take an appetite suppressant then do, just read all the side effects.
slowly change eating habits, start exercising and start taking better care of yourself. the "new you" will be more confidant and if your bf lasts then he can see the "real" you. anyways, who cares what he thinks, just try to be happy but know that his words have spoken what his true feelings are about your weight.
my hb used to tell me, think thin. eat right. i have lost 13 kgs and so much more cm's and he doesn't know what hit him. i lost the weightfor myself. and i mut say i look pretty damn good. AND HE KNOWS IT. and he knows that others have noticed too. AND HE IS NOW A TAD BIT JEALOUS. But i am happy and i still love him but i knew he did not want a "fat wife". (although i am perfect in every other way LOL)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): yeahh thats not funny i can see why it would upset you i dont think you should listen to him you should only lose weight for yourself not for a man and if your happy with yourself dont do it!
i understand because i was told i was fat by a bf once and i weight 9 stone (size 8 - 10) which made me go on a very extreme diet and i was very ill :/ please dont do anything just to make him happy you deserve better girl (:
message me if you need to chat x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): Well, If your unhappy with your weight then you go for it and shot for the stars. As for your jerk a%% boyfriend. When you look better.. " if you dont think you do". You might just attract the man of your dreams and kick your jerk bf out the door... You might be with him, bc you have low selfesteem and picked up what you could at the time. He on the other hand might not have the best luck with girls and me might be afraid that you will break up with him and go for a better looking man!.. I hope I dont sound mean. But that might be part of the problem with has bad a&& additude.. Go for it sweetie
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 May 2009):
 Consider it to be a backhanded compliment...men...humph
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 May 2009):
Yeah men are stupid some times and they say stupid things. He probably didn't realise that it would sound so hurtful.
It's your body and if you want to be a bit healthier then lose some weight. If you are happy as you are then make sure you go out with something low cut on and fab hair and make up so he can see that lots of men already fancy you and he should watch his mouth if he wants to keep you around.
Good Luck!! xx
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