A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I attended a friend's meal the other night. It was at my guy friend friend's house. I cooked dinner and it went well in general, until both of them chirped on about their faith and music interests. As the night progressed, I felt left out and occupied myself on the couch in front of the tele. I felt rude but it turns out that none of them minded. When me and my guy friend left however, I explained to him how I had not enjoyed the night. He was apologetic to me and offered to make up for it. I haven't spoken to him properly since but have missed his company etc. I would love to see him tonight but somehow, if I do, it would appear as if I let him off lightly and seem unfazed by it all... what do I do? Please help!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (29 January 2010):
For goodness sake just let it go. This is a minor issue. You don't always have to be the center of attention. Guys like women who they can take to a party for example and they can mingle on their own without clinging to the boyf for reassurance. If you are this petty then he probably should find someone a little more mature.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (29 January 2010):
 Caring Guy has told you why this won't work, and he is right. I'm going to tell you why you shouldn't do it.
You want to punish him. You also feel a need to be in control of him. I am quite sure you don't want to be his mother. You want to be his partner. This is not the way partners treat each other. You want love, not manipulation. Cooperation is the word you are looking for.
As a side note I'm not pleased with the way you handled the dinner party. You are thinking, "I slaved away in the kitchen for this, at least they could do is pay some attention to me." You are right, they should have been attentive to everyone at the party. You felt left out so instead of trying to share the interest you went off to sulk. If you don't gain an understanding and appreciation of important things in his life your relationship is doomed.
In the end it is not whether or not he is "getting off lightly", it is where is this relationship heading, and what can I do to help it grow the right way. The best way to resolve a conflict ids to start with an apology. Don't apologize for your feelings, accept them and express them. Apologize for your actions.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): So your going to punish a person who said they would make it up to you?
Personally I have no regard for people who think punshing someone with the silent treatment is an acceptable way of dealing with a problem when it can more easily be solved by a conversation.
If you felt left out then why didn't you make more of an effort to try and engage them in conversation instead of going off and sitting in front of the TV sulking?
No offence but your acting like a spoilt child that didn't get its own way and like a spoilt child you want to make others feel guilty or miserable because of that.
Again I don't mean to be insulting but, grow up!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (29 January 2010):
 Hun, I think that you are over-reacting to the situation. The guys were just catching up with all the stuff they normally chat about. So if you had nothing to add, well then there is nothing wrong with sitting quietly and listening to them or keeping yourself occupied while they chat.
Giving him the cold shoulder is the start of poor communication and poor communication helps with the breakdown of relationships.
They didnt mean anything disrespectful to you, sounds like they were just chatting.
Dont get hung up by such a minor issue.
You have told you bf how you feel so now let the matter drop!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 January 2010):
Thing is with guys, the silent treatment just doesn't work. Women think by being silent a man will suddenly be apologetic and feel guilty and such. It just doesn't' work. All it does it make a man even more confused, then he won't talk to you and so on. See him, but explain that you're still unhappy that he ignored you and you would really like a lot of TLC. That is far more likely to work. If you give him the silent treatment, he'll just think you've lost interest and end up confused.
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