A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am so very much confused. I am in a relationship that is not the greatest and hasnt been for such a long time now. Recently i have been talking to my partners brother a lot as i lean on him a lot for emotional support and he knows this, this has been going on for just under a year now. He texts me everyday and we talk about all sorts of things. The more we got to know each other (been in relationship with partner for 15 years, known his brother for just over a year-was a split family) the more i enjoyed his company.Lately he hasnt been acting like a friend. By this i mean, he sends messages that make me think he is jealous of what we do. I also get the feeling he always tries to make me jealous. Sometimes he wont reply (he knows this makes me mad lol and confused) and it makes me think why he does that. We are friends and i wont treat my friends like that. He questions everything i do. and will call me names sometimes which offend me but he says he is joking. I try not to reply to him and he will just keep txn me calling me a weirdo or freak if i dont reply. We have grown very close over the last year and sometimes i feel like he is trying to punish me by not talking to me as i do rely on him a lot as someone i could talk to. I am losing faith and trust in him. I think i may be falling for him. Cause i do get very jealous about certain things which "i know is crazy!" I am totally confused by his mixed messages/feelings he sends me and want to know why would a guy do this? If your a friend, why make someone feel like they
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 It's because he likes you and he's experimenting on the type of girl you are by sending these messages. He jokes when he calles you names because he thinks its funny after all the conversations you have that it's still going on. plus its a guys flirtacious thing.
He has'nt been acting as a friend because he dosent want to be a friend. Many guys believe that if we get to close in the friendship world it's all we get from you. Off topic but: Little do some guys know that soften plutonic male and female friends need sexual satifaction too.
Back to it: Alternitavley, he and his brother have talked and he is now started to avoid you more this is highly likley if he respects his brother and they have good brotherhood. Or, he is just playing the game of "distance makes the heart grow fonder" because he likes you.
So times are changing, make a move and watch the entire thing collaps, or be with the brother. Although, its going to be tough because he wont want to hurt his brother. Its a real risk for you, and his brother will always be his brother and you have a good chance of loosing or distroying both.
A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (2 February 2010):
 I think it's possible the brother has developed feelings for you and this is going to continue to be weird and problematic for your relationship. Would you be better off to simply date the brother? He may be a better match for you, unfortunately that will make for some really strained family relations and may end up causing worse problems. My advise is to find a really good girlfriend and ease yourself out of the friendship with the brother. You are forming an emotional tie to him which is a form of cheating on your boyfriend. If the brother should decide to tell him about all your contact, you may lose both of them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks heaps guys..all comments taken on board AND have made me see things i did not.
CaringGuy - I have read many of your advice to different people and enjoy seeing your name pop up on peoples questions. Your very understanding and wise not to mention right.
Empty 1 - Also good advice, but i do know the stakes and would not go there nor would i wish that on anyone. Im just more confused as to why he plays "mind games" with me. And because i am annoyed by what he is doing, im telling myself i must be falling for him or why else would i give a shit.
FA - I think you hit the nail on the head there. I did not think of it like that, but you have clearly opened my eyes and made me understand why he runs hot and cold with communication etc. However, he hasnt built a relationship with his brother, but i do know what you mean.
Thanks heaps guys..you rock
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 If your girlfriend had a boyfriend, and he started talking to you what would you do? You would avoid him. You would not even think of dating him until 10 years after your girlfriend and he broke up. And even then, you would ask her permission first.
Now you have a very similar situation here. At first you partners brother saw you as an extension of his brother. so he treated you as a brother. (teasing, names, support) Then you began to lean on him more for support, emotionally. He sees you are starting to enjoy his company, perhaps even prefer his company.
He sees a train wreck of epic proportions coming and he is running for cover. He is afraid that you are going to destroy everything that he has been trying to build with his brother.
Us men really aren't that different from you women. Just wait 10 years then. . . (just kidding guys reset a bit faster). You need to end one relationship before you start another. And, consecutive relationships with close friends or relatives are minefields. The almost never work.
FA
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (2 February 2010):
This is a very dangerous game you are involved in. One with stakes far higher than you can begin to believe at your position now.
If your current relationship really needs that much work, then involving your man's brother in the mix is not going to help anything. You and your man need to get to the buisiness of fixing your relationship!
If it's not salvageable, then you need to make a clean and honest break!
In the meantime, leave the guy's brother out of the picture. Avoid him. Ignore him. Find someone else to be your ear and shoulder, 'cause this guy is bad news for your current situation.
Ignore my advice at your own peril. When the shit hits the fan, you'll wish you had done exactly as I said.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 February 2010):
Chances are he fancies you. So be very careful. And more to the point, look at your relationship and stop leaning on him for support. If this relationship needs fixing, then start fixing it. Or end it if it can't.
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