| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I broke the engagement, but what did I do wrong?
Q. Hello all. I'm new here and seeking some assistance with an issue I'm presently dealing with. I appreciate all who answer and want to apologize first hand for possible grammatical errors. Here goes: A little over two weeks ago I decided to call ...
A. 14 June 2016: Very well done. You were abused, you recognized it, you did not return violence, and you left the situation. Now it is about time you get into a healthy relationship for the first time in your life. Take a few months to get your self truly ... (read in full...)
Can anyone understand why I am so distressed about my husband masturbating to porn when I'm at work or when I'm asleep beside him?
Q. Hi A couple of months ago I discovered that my husband masturbates to porn while I am asleep or while I am not at home or working late. Our sex life is average, we have it at least 1-2 times per week, but I am always the one initiating i...
A. 8 June 2016: SVC has really hit it, the problem is that he is a lazy lover.
I want to bring in some other ideas that you might find helpful.
Couples that include masturbation in their sex lives successfully generally have this rule. The right of first re... (read in full...)
Exhausted ! What can I do? My Bf's video game playing wakes me up several times during the night.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living for 5 months together now, and almost a year together. Our relationship has honestly been a lot of ups an downs, and the reason why I stay with him is because I do love him and he is the only and first man to ...
A. 8 June 2016: Actually a white noise generator will help a lot. Additional insulation is also helpful, but if it is him talking (does he shout / get excited?) you may need to box him in to make it quiet enough. I really think that you need to have an alternat... (read in full...)
Should I tell her Bf what she is like?
Q. A female who fancies me wants to have me and isn't happy in her relationship currently with a man she's with. He's not the best looking but he is a nice guy and really loves her, and I feel sorry for him as he does and she doesn't feel the same ...
A. 7 June 2016: I would.
Just to add a friendly counter viewpoint. Infidelity is a social disease. The only cure is to flood it with the bright sunshine of exposure.
Keeping the truth from her official boyfriend is not doing him any favors. He deserves... (read in full...)
Exhausted ! What can I do? My Bf's video game playing wakes me up several times during the night.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living for 5 months together now, and almost a year together. Our relationship has honestly been a lot of ups an downs, and the reason why I stay with him is because I do love him and he is the only and first man to ...
A. 7 June 2016: I'm a big proponent of sleep compatibility. What I see here is you doing everything possible to live with this and him not plugging in headphones. Did I get that right?
One thing that is possible is to add a sheet of foam insulation between the ... (read in full...)
Dumped and I don't know why
Q. My bf of six months just broke up with me and I am devasted - to begin with I don't know how to deal with the fact that I am turning 30 in three months and still alone- he broke up over a text message because we don't see things eye to eye- meaning ...
A. 7 June 2016: Denada846,
You chosen screen name and your post indicate that you have low self esteem. I feel that this is a more important problem than this current breakup, or your age.
You are free of this lead weight now. It's time to work on yourself... (read in full...)
Am I right to expect more?
Q. Hello everyone. Thanks for reading my post. My question is kinda silly, but I suck at relationships so I need to ask. How often should I see my boyfriend? We've been dating for a few months now, we both have kids and work. He has his kids every ...
A. 7 June 2016: What you are really saying is that your needs are not being met in this relationship. Is that correct?
Having your needs met is pretty important. But considering your status and his you may be needing more than is available. Both of you have kids... (read in full...)
Mother's opinion is confusing my life
Q. In my early 20s I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. My doctor told me it was quite bad and I should be aware that my chances of conceiving are very slim. I made my peace with it and although I know there are options such as IVF and ...
A. 6 June 2016: I love children. I spend quite a bit of my personal time volunteering with children. But my 4 children will not likely give me grandchildren. It is difficult for me to not say insensitive things. But I know that children right now would not be ... (read in full...)
Have I lost a friend or just worrying about something over nothing?
Q. Before I start and before anyone on here gets the wrong end of the stick and jumps to conclusions. I am friends with a female at work yes a female, and let me be clear. I don't have feelings for her or love this person, she is just a friend. Now th...
A. 1 June 2016: You ask:
"I'm worried she won't talk to me again or online and can sense it will happen.
What should I do? Help."
The first thing you should do is stop borrowing trouble. (worrying about things that might happen)
Start being more proactive i... (read in full...)
My Bf ignores me and neglects me. Is it time to break up?
Q. If my boyfriend has neglected me for over 3 months and counting, should I break up with him? He might be working on something, or studying for finals, but that might not be it. I have also found another man but I haven't met him in real life, and I ...
A. 31 May 2016: Well to be cynical, your Boyfriend has already left you. But, why worry about that you have already left him.
As far as practical advice. A relationship includes as critical components, meeting the needs of your partner, communication, trus... (read in full...)
What should I do? Is it understandable that I'm hurt that my boyfriend wants to be friends with a woman he cheated with?
Q. Last night my phone was dead and I could not find my charger. So I asked my boyfriend if I could use his phone because I had to call my sister for something important. I'm not the type to snoop but I saw 3 calls in the call log from a woman my...
A. 22 May 2016: You should leave him. Not because he has a platonic friendship with another woman. Because he has concealed the relationship with the other woman from you. Because he has poor boundaries. Because he is not fully committed to you.
At this poin... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to report him for his inappropriate behaviour?
Q. I work in a male dominated industry. There are a number of subcontractors we work with on a regular basis. Last week one of our subcontractors sent a couple of guys out to work on a project. I'm familiar with them all as they come several times a ...
A. 16 May 2016: :::Putting on my Boss hat:::
I'm in the construction industry.
I see nothing wrong with the way you handled this. Almost exactly by the book. Well done!
:::putting on Dad Hat::::
As for hugs my personal opinion is Capital H Hugs (side by si... (read in full...)
My fiance gave me the engagement ring his former fiance wore!
Q. At the risk of sounding like a spoilt brat here- which I assure you I'm not, I'd like some opinions. I got engaged 2 weeks ago and have been with my fiancé for almost 4 years. If I'm honest I wasn't keen on the ring- it was pretty but too ...
A. 7 May 2016: I can't believe you would wear a diamond!... (read in full...)
I distrust males. Is this likely to be a permanent problem?
Q. I have and had a crazy family life, most of the problems that my mom and I have encountered were caused by men. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate males or think they are lesser people in any way, but ever since a particular event occurred, I haven'...
A. 4 May 2016: You are fighting an uphill battle. Your society is structured to reinforce your earned distrust. You will constantly be told that all men are out to get you, are only after one thing, are dogs, are cheaters, or even are rapists. The fact that ... (read in full...)
One boyfriend too many. What should I be considering?
Q. I have this problem. I already had two boyfriends but I realized I really don't want one. I thought we would keep flirting like we always did and go on dates but my parents made that impossible and we had to sneak around. Which meant they promised...
A. 4 May 2016: That is a surprisingly articulate description for a person of your age. bravo! In my culture you are a bit young for dating. Apparently your parents feel similarly.
So what you want is to go and do things with boys, Like going to movies. Some... (read in full...)
After our marathon 8 hour fight, what can I say to my LD guy?
Q. Before knowing my current boyfriend (lets call him S) I went to a party and kissed a guy who was way older than me, I was 16 he was 20. It was nothing else apart from a kiss, caused by being tipsy and 'lovin the single life' so yeah.. In my opinion, ...
A. 4 May 2016: S is at least a year younger than you. He is right that you will never see him as the exciting adventure an older Boy could be. He is right to re-evaluate the potential future of your relationship. He has no way to see into your heart and ... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend to understand how unhappy I am that he cheated and had sex in a massage parlor
Q. My boyfriend of 4.5 years has been a very loyal and humble person till recently. He had gone on a vacation and has sex at one of the massage parlours. He told me the very next day and has been very guilty and emotionally unstable since then. On the ...
A. 15 April 2016: Consequences. The natural consequence of breaking trust is the loss of trust. In reality that has happened. You don't trust him.
You think, that some pain on his part might help him not make this kind of mistake again. Or you want him to feel... (read in full...)
Romance or convince? Or would you gals rather meet a guy at a mutual level of interest?
Q. Hello Everyone Not a douche. Just wanted to put that out there. Can you trick a girl into liking you? Not trick in a malicious way but rather convince after her initial hesitation or last minute resistance? Im thinking romancing. Oh and girls...
A. 14 April 2016: The sad truth is that this is one of those cases where what women say and what women do are at odds. Honey is exactly right. Women are annoyed by the idea of being tricked, but they Want to be seduced.
Some guys have mistaken this desire for ... (read in full...)
When I am tested for a STD should I trust the protocols in place re my privacy or should I give a false name?
Q. Hi, I am in need of advice. I am 18 years old and I recently had sex with 7 different men throughout the year. I had unprotected sex with 5 of those men. I am afraid that I caught an STD so I want to get checked. I plan to go to Planned Parentho...
A. 14 April 2016: it is true, you can die of embarrassment.... (read in full...)
What would keep you from being in a relationship?
Q. What's up guys, I've been away from here for almost a year but I've had something on my mind for quite a while that I'd like to here people's opinions on why they don't want to get into relationships. I've heard this from a large number of my fri...
A. 10 April 2016: Janniepeg,
I do see that problem in young marriages lately. But the vast majority of Adults do have jobs and responsibilities. In fact it is going to be very hard to have any kind of long term relationship without the people aging to the poin... (read in full...)
What would keep you from being in a relationship?
Q. What's up guys, I've been away from here for almost a year but I've had something on my mind for quite a while that I'd like to here people's opinions on why they don't want to get into relationships. I've heard this from a large number of my fri...
A. 7 April 2016: Wow Janniepeg, that was down right brutal, I've never thought of you as such a cynic. I must say I wouldn't like those choices either. ... (read in full...)
What would keep you from being in a relationship?
Q. What's up guys, I've been away from here for almost a year but I've had something on my mind for quite a while that I'd like to here people's opinions on why they don't want to get into relationships. I've heard this from a large number of my fri...
A. 7 April 2016: Relationships are relationships of trust. Trust is the stuff that relationships are made up of. Based on your observations you have come to the conclusion that most people are not trust worthy so you decline to enter into a relationship. I have ... (read in full...)
What would be the easiest way to get rid of my feelings for her?
Q. I'm looking for the easiest way to get rid of feelings for someone. I'm in a very odd situation with a girl that I know. Basically we started out as fwb, it messed up when I wanted more but she said she wasn't ready for a relationship aft...
A. 7 April 2016: If you want closure start with your pants.... (read in full...)
Should I tell her that her boyfriend has been cheating on her, without me ever knowing until now?
Q. I met this guy named "A" in the fall of 2013 (he then 24). I had issues because I recently had gotten out of a relationship and he suddenly came along. We talked about my break up and got to know each other. He would call me day/night daily....
A. 7 April 2016: Block him from your contacts. Do not initiate or accept any communication from him. If you decide to inform the other girl do it without passion and stick to the facts. we had sex on x date we broke up on x date. You are right that she deserves ... (read in full...)
Can a nine year age gap work?
Q. My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, I love him with all my heart we match a lot and sometimes I forget that he is older than me. I don't know how to react to friends and make them see how I love this guy. I believe that he is my soul mate and...
A. 6 April 2016: Numbers are very important things. The number of dollars in your bank account, the number of years you could spend in jail, the number of people who vote for a candidate. Whenever someone says Just a number, I cringe inside. Numbers define our ... (read in full...)
Can a nine year age gap work?
Q. My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, I love him with all my heart we match a lot and sometimes I forget that he is older than me. I don't know how to react to friends and make them see how I love this guy. I believe that he is my soul mate and...
A. 5 April 2016: This is an age old question. Young women seeking a more mature man, or rather a man more mature than the ones their age. The strong points you list for him are all things related to maturity. A job, clean and healthy habits and so on. What are ... (read in full...)
I suspect my boyfriend fancies his friend's fiance
Q. Somehow, I keep getting this feeling that my boyfriend has a crush on his best friend's fiance. My boyfriend constantly bickers with his best friend's fiance. When I listen and watch them bicker back and forth, I feel it ressembles an old married ...
A. 5 April 2016: So what you have said here is that you are insecure in your relationship. You think that you are not enough to keep your boy friends attention. You think that he is so great that other, attached, women are after him. You are jealous of every ... (read in full...)
Confused by my son's behaviour
Q. I'm a 42 year old mom, My son is 13 and while changing his sheets awhile back I found 3 pairs of my panties under his mattress along with some pictures of me from college in a bikini. I quickly realized he has been using them to pleasure with and he ...
A. 5 April 2016: I see a sharp divide between the men and women here. I'm wondering if girls really have no awkward sexual awakenings. As a Dad of daughters I do know that I found one seriously messy pair of panties. Far exceeding my personal experience. I ... (read in full...)
What can I do? I have a crush on a person but I am in a relationship with another.
Q. Dear readers, Thanks for taking your time to read this. I've been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for more than six years. We met each other in Highschool and were each others' firsts in almost everything. I am 22, my boyfriend is t...
A. 22 March 2016: What you are saying is all wrong.
Poor sex life and little quality time is not necessarily a bad thing? since when? That particular combination is a marriage killer. Of course you are doubting your existing relationship. You have let it Die.... (read in full...)
When people say they are ''not ready for a relationship'' is that just a line to discourage the other party?
Q. I was seeing a 25 y.o. woman over a month ago. She just lost her mother due to very complicated circumstances so she went through a very hard time. I took the 'not ready for a relationship' line as sincere. I didnt pursue but was open to go on mo...
A. 21 March 2016: Yes letting a guy down "in a nice way", is not nice. Some people just don't get this. They string you along for months, getting more and more annoyed that you aren't "getting the clue".
OP, I don't see how you could have caught this one soon... (read in full...)
Why isn’t she wearing her bra in this instance?
Q. OK I don't mean to sound creepy or pervie, but what does it mean when my economics tutor at uni doesn't wear her bra when I was alone with her? Does she like me? Because during class in the morning I noticed her bra straps but later in the afternoon ...
A. 21 March 2016: Because it pinches and stabs and constricts and probably isn't a great fit, and she feels more comfortable without it.
It is most likely that it has nothing to do with you, but if you keep staring so much she will feel less comfortable around you ... (read in full...)
Am I too boring to ever get a girlfriend?
Q. Lately I've been thinking about future relationships and stuff, and it's just hit me that even if I did get a girlfriend, I would have no idea what to do with her. I do not like the bar or club scene at all. I cannot and do not like to dance...
A. 19 March 2016: You are not doing anything that brings you face to face social interaction. That is all you need to add. There should be opportunities in your classes work and gym, but a hobby not connected to the internet would improve your situation.
Your ... (read in full...)
How important is appreciation in the first couple dates?
Q. Just wondering... I'm sure it's important, but I wonder to what extent. I'm not the kind of person who says thank you for every little thing... I'm not sure why. I had an ex after dating for a few years tell me I didn't really say thank you when h...
A. 11 March 2016: Dear original poster,
I see that you have specifically asked for men's opinions. Not that the experienced opinions of women are not as valuable, but since you asked I'll throw in one mans opinion.
I was in a class on manners with a bunch of teena... (read in full...)
How do I keep him while convincing my parents that I trust and love him?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 2.5 years .He lives in Europe and I live far away in asia . We are 9 years apart and have huge size and height difference . He is 98kg, 185cm and im a little hobbit ? 40kg and 155cm ( im anorexic I have weight p...
A. 7 March 2016: At 19 a 9 year age gap is Huge. Add to that a culture gap, and a religion gap, and you have almost nothing in common. Then put in a very long distance relationship, and I'm wondering what your relationship consists of.
OK here is my advice, take... (read in full...)
How do I tell my new girlfriend I had a one-night stand with her sister before we met?
Q. I recently started going out with this girl. She’s beautiful, smart, kind and funny. Pretty much everything I could ask for in a girl. The only problem? I’ve slept with her sister. I’m 23 and she’s 22. We’ve been going out for 3 weeks now. The o...
A. 7 March 2016: Well Anon,
I'm a little tossed up about how to advise you.
1. Good luck, you'll need it.
2. Run Forest, Run!
3. What makes you think her sister hasn't told her?
This is an impossible situation. I really don't see a way for you to escape th... (read in full...)
I caught some feelings for a guy who I think is playing me and its destroying me. What am I left to do, why do I feel the way I do?
Q. My purpose of this q is to find out WHY I feel what I do, so I can find the reason and put a stop to it. I cannot be in love. So what is it? I am tired of this sorrow and hurt but I don’t know what it IS. I’m hung up on a guy who I had sexual r...
A. 1 March 2016: I like your question. It shows what a thinker you are. You were ambushed by your own feelings and need some help understanding why you feel that way.
This is not as unusual as you or your friend think. In fact your situation is a symptom of the ... (read in full...)
He didn't offer his jacket--was I in the wrong to get upset?
Q. My guy and I have a lot of problems, one of them being that I feel he doesn't show he cares when it really matters. Today we were sitting in a classroom that was incredibly cold. I was taking a test online and couldn't leave the desk. At times I got ...
A. 1 March 2016: Did I understand correctly that the reason that you didn't ask for a jacket was because you were so mad at him that you wouldn't talk to him?
You ask were you in the wrong. Well I'm willing to say that withholding (communication, affectio... (read in full...)
I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!
Q. My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...
A. 1 March 2016: I really thought you knew what you wanted and had made a decision. Yet here we are. Still trying to push each other into the shape you have imagined for each other. It is no wonder you don't feel comfortable.... (read in full...)
I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!
Q. My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...
A. 27 February 2016: Defending your (very reasonable) position to us will not bring him back. You won't always get everything you want. Sometimes you have to give up something you want for something you want more. I have no problem with your priorities.... (read in full...)
I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!
Q. My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...
A. 25 February 2016: OP,
I don't want to get your righteous anger up any more. I do respect you and agree that you had the right to do what you did. You have proved to yourself and the world that you are independent, Strong and self reliant. You have reasonable prio... (read in full...)
How do I contact this married man to tell him I'm pregnant? I want him to help support me!
Q. Dear Cupid I'm the op of this post "He lied to me..he was cheating on his wife with me. Do I tell her?", which I posted a month back. I found out that I'm pregnant few days back and I'm positive he is the father since I didn't have sex with an...
A. 25 February 2016: To answer your question directly and without discussion of the events leading to this, You file for state assistance. In your country the laws are in your favor. The State will hunt him down and get the money to you. ... (read in full...)
I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!
Q. My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...
A. 25 February 2016: When you issue an ultimatum to a good man who agreed to be father to another man's children, you had better be ready to enforce it. Some where he is saying "she kicked me out over the dog". You can't say you gave him his dream when you took it ... (read in full...)
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