A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy named "A" in the fall of 2013 (he then 24). I had issues because I recently had gotten out of a relationship and he suddenly came along. We talked about my break up and got to know each other. He would call me day/night daily. But I had still had some trust issues and I remember I told him that maybe we shouldn't talk so much because he's more older,experienced and on a whole other level than me. He felt offended by me telling him that, he clearly stated "I like you, I'm not going to leave you if you make mistakes. We'll talk things out together and work it out." Fine, I held onto that for 3 years close to me. I really liked this guy, I felt like I could trust him. For a time in Fall 2014 we hit a rough patch where it was just arguing, eventually it stopped b/c I would always suspect that he was talking to someone else. So he's the one that I ended up losing my virginity to him. I waited 2 years b/c he was in the Air Force and he would always travel around. That happened and everything after that was going great but again we started arguing more between December and first week of January 2016 (when I lost my V to him I asked him if he'd slept with someone else and he said yes. Had he told me this before I would've never let him touch me or talk). I was upset didn't talk about it for a good 3 months til December 2015 where I couldn't take the fact that he had sex w/ someone and didn't bother telling me. I told him that the things I do w/ him are because I like him a lot and trust him, he blew up at me b/c I said that(I always told him this and he'd say me too and that's good that you trust me), he was really fed up by this point. He started saying "where the f--k did trust come from?! Let's be realistic about things you're there and I'm here! We can't work things out. What you're feeling is something different." This really got to me, I took every word he said to heart. So I just said ok, he also mentioned that if we both got really mad at each other we could just stay friends. Few weeks pass by and he talks to me says he wants to "hangout" while he's near my area and I said ok we'll just hangout as friends and he starts flipping at me again! Asking why? At this point I don't know what he wants?! He visited me Mid-March2016 and we had a physical encounter (I am vulnerable when he speaks to me and I know I did wrong but I just couldn't help it.)So for the past few months I've been nosy on his social media site, I come to find out that he's been in a LDR with another girl since April 2015. I barely found out 4/3/16 (their 1 year dating). Obviously I'm broken-hearted and want to confront him about it but in person. But I also feel like crap in knowing this and want to tell her for the sake of saving all her time and effort and place it on someone else other than the trash I've been falling for since 2014. But what also makes me more sick is that I've come to the realization that this is the girl he sexed up with before taking my V card away and also I remember him mentioning a foreigner to me on the phone when he was in a hotel saying that his "friend" was in town b/c she was in a LDR with a close friend of his. I was so stupid in believing every word he said. I hate hypocrites, he'd always tell me he hates liars and fake people. I don't know what to do, the girl he's been "dating" w/ looks like a good person and she doesn't deserve this shit of a "man", I want to tell her but after I confront this man, but I also don't know if I'm just making a hasty decision. Should I just tell her or confront this scum bag and give him the option of clearing up with me and have him tell her the truth if not I will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat I want to do is the right thing. I didn't know she existed until I saw her tag him in a picture where they were both together. I knew nothing. I have proof from the time they were dating. I don't want him, I just want to expose him for what he is.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 April 2016):
 Look, if you ask me, you shouldn't tell the girl anything. Just quietly back out with your dignity intact and chalk it up as a lesson learned the hard way.
He didn't force you to have sex with him; you took your own decision. In fact, you slept with him yet again even though you knew you shouldn't have.
What exactly do you want him to clear up with you? Do you think he'll ever tell you the truth or be genuinely sorry for what he did? I know that at this point you don't want him to be happy and want the other woman to kick him to the curb but what if she doesn't? Chances are that she'll believe her smooth-talking boyfriend over a random girl she doesn't even know. OP she has chosen to be with him, now let her deal with her own life. Maybe one day she'll realize herself what a jerk this guy is, but its not your job to tell her so.
Don't confront him, don't make an ugly scene because somehow at the end of it, you'll still end up with nothing. Be dignified, just block him from your life and have no contact with him whatsoever from now on.
Be more discriminate in who you trust, don't sleep with someone unless you're 10000% sure of them and whatever you do, be accountable for your own actions rather than blaming others. You don't have to keep thinking that he took your virginity and now its a lost cause. Who even cares about all this? What matters is who you eventually end up with...this may not necessarily be the man you lost your virginity to, but believe me, it'll be so much better, you wont even remember all this.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (7 April 2016):
 Block him from your contacts. Do not initiate or accept any communication from him. If you decide to inform the other girl do it without passion and stick to the facts. we had sex on x date we broke up on x date. You are right that she deserves the truth. Make sure she knows that you are not interested in getting him back but are concerned for her.
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