A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My purpose of this q is to find out WHY I feel what I do, so I can find the reason and put a stop to it. I cannot be in love. So what is it? I am tired of this sorrow and hurt but I don’t know what it IS. I’m hung up on a guy who I had sexual relations with for 2 months. We are 22. I do not need words of advice as to not to give myself sexually so soon. I was not expecting to attach feelings to him. I was hoping for some fun for just ONE NIGHT. I was never going to see him again. And then one night moved in to 2 because I just loooved our chemistry..and then 3 nights, and now I am hung up on a guy who has no attachment to me. He lifts my hopes, crashes them, I drop into sorrow, I confront him, and he then lies to me and says im the only girl he’s talking to, that im all he needs (we aren’t in a relationship btw and I highly doubt he wants more.) He continues to break my heart (if I can say that? According to my friend, because we never dated I cant say I have a broken heart.) Each day I get up and try to collect myself and rid of any attachment to him. I feel so pathetic because he is making me so sad. I feel powerless. And when I finally am ready to cut ties, he messages me, wanting to see me. I feel so weak, dumb, and pathetic. I wont see him again. I am going to tell him I need something real otherwise he can take the high road. I have always taken pride in my independence and brains. Now, it’s as if I have none of that left. I don’t know what I have become. I just want someone to tell me I am doing okay (despite putting my classes on the back burner to work on gaining MYSELF back,) or what I need to do better. I just never want to feel again because this is the worst I have felt from someone else. I’d rather be the loner nerd that I once was. I mixed with the wrong guy and only my blood is on the rocks.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 March 2016):
 I like your question. It shows what a thinker you are. You were ambushed by your own feelings and need some help understanding why you feel that way.
This is not as unusual as you or your friend think. In fact your situation is a symptom of the beliefs of the time. We think that we can have sexual relationships that are Just Sex. A casual sex relationship that is "no strings attached".
This new wisdom bypasses some old and trying to be forgotten wisdom. That old wisdom says intimacy is intimacy is intimacy. you really won't have one form of intimacy without the others soon joining. You started with sexual intimacy, soon emotional intimacy followed. In emotional affairs it goes the other way friends share emotions, become close, and soon sexual intimacy joins the relationship. Shared secrets lead to more shared secrets. The third intimacy that we haven't mentioned yet is financial intimacy. This is where close friends or lovers loan each other money.
So this is why you quickly developed "feelings" for this guy. You shared the secrets of your body with him and Soon your heart wanted to get involved too. His heart doesn't feel the same, yet, and there is no guarantee that it will catch up. For some reason males don't feel so intimate about their bodies. At least some of them.
FA
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 March 2016):
 You know that you DO have choices, right?
You CHOOSE to not tell him, sorry I'm done with this and then block/delete his number. Maybe because you hold out hope that he will change or realize what a great girl you are.
You CHOOSE to give him ALL the power here. You let him set the tone, you let him wheel you back in every time you wise up and avoid contact.
Why KEEP doing the same thing and expect a different result?
You know he is NOT going to become someone who actually care for you, your feelings or well being. So CUT him off. Tell him you are no longer interested in being his f-buddy. then BLOCK his number.
Once you do that... you accept that CASUAL sex is not for you. That even if you don't like the idea, YOU DO get emotionally attached. Nothing wrong in that.
And then you STOP beating yourself up for having made the mistake with this guy.
LIVE AND LEARN... That is all you can do. (and block his number).
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 March 2016):
 You allowed yourself to enter in to a casual relationship, yet you could not handle it. You want more, which is often the case in these situations. He is not prepared to give you more, he tells you what he wants to hear so he can keep you sweet and you can both carry on being sexual without the label. I understand you want more, but he is not prepared to give you more, so no more excuses just cut him off completely. Tell him what you want, if he cannot give it to you, ask him to delete your number, then you proceed to delete his and block all contact. Give yourself time and space to heal. Just because you are not in a relationship doesn't mean that you cannot develop feelings, or even get your heart broke. You say you want to go back to being a loner, but that to me is an unfair statement, as this guy did not promise you a relationship, its not his fault you have developed feelings, next time you need to find out where you stand with a guy before entering in to something.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (1 March 2016):
 You have to realise there are two parties involved here and one of them is you. You must take responsibility for yourself. Making your decisions about your life is the most empowering thing you can do.
Even if you just let life happen to you that is a decision in itself. Now get control back of your life, your feelings and your body. Stop acting like a doormat. Hold your head up and walk away - for good.
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