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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone. Thanks for reading my post. My question is kinda silly, but I suck at relationships so I need to ask. How often should I see my boyfriend? We've been dating for a few months now, we both have kids and work. He has his kids every other week, I have mine technically full time but they're a little older so they stay away often. I see my boyfriend pretty much once a week for a night. It doesn't seem like enough. And on top of that we drink every time we hang out. He's a really sweet guy and actually my first love ever because we dated back in our early teens. Every thing seems great, he's opened up to me, we like each other's kids etc. He just doesn't come around that much. I hate to dump him over something petty, but he's cancelled plans with me like four times already and I told him last weekend that time together is important to me. I'm starting to wonder if I'm wasting my time or being too needy etc. Any and all opinions appreciated. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 June 2016):
 Your question is not silly at all, to you it is important. It is you that feels that something is not right in this relationship, and it is you that is not feeling satisfied.
There is no set amount of time that you should both be spending together, it depends really each couple is different, however it is clear that you need more time, and he is not giving that to you at the moment. What where his reasons when he cancelled? Where they legit? Did he make it up to you? Maybe he is content with once a week visits, and in this case you need to talk to him and tell him you want more. Your needs must be met for you to be happy.
It sounds like you really like him, but off course you want more. Meeting up one night a week to hang out and drink doesn't sound like much off a relationship to me. You really need to be honest with him and ask him to be honest about what he wants. Let us know how you get on.
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (8 June 2016):
 It's ok to feel needy but it's also ok to talk that need with your BF. It isn't fair to dump him over something which he perhaps has no clue what's going on. Both of you are in a young relationship and that requires little work so each behavior modifies to each of the likings. Dumping and breaking up over things that no attempt was made to remedy is just wrong.
So talk to him, say you would like to see each other more often, perhaps do less drinking but more romantic stuff that pleases you and bonding stuff that would appeal to him. After agreeing on some changes, give it time to see how it works; if good compliment, if it can be improved talk about getting it better.
Doing this is not a waste of time but a requirement for any relationship.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (7 June 2016):
 What you are really saying is that your needs are not being met in this relationship. Is that correct?
Having your needs met is pretty important. But considering your status and his you may be needing more than is available. Both of you have kids. I suppose ex partners to coordinate with as well. this is going to lead to a higher than normal level of "cancelled plans".
You are also not happy with the Quality of the time you spend together. You "hang out" and Drink. I'm thinking that you want something more. Is that also correct?
You are somewhat reluctant to break up so Why not try communicating in perfectly clear term what it is you need. See if there is a way forward to achieving that. In the end the goal is to live together full time, Right?
Can you get by on less, in order to get what you want eventually?
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