A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In my early 20s I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. My doctor told me it was quite bad and I should be aware that my chances of conceiving are very slim. I made my peace with it and although I know there are options such as IVF and adoption I'm ok with the fact that having children probably isn't in God's plan for me.My mother however is not. I'm 33 now and every week she tells me I need to have a baby. She tells me she had a dream I had a baby, that I need to give her grandchildren (she already has 6 from my siblings!) and that I should have a baby because "that's what women were made for." She knows I have PCOS and when I remind her that I can't have children she says "yes you can. I googled it. People with PCOS can sometimes have children. Doctors get things wrong all the time."It's really hurtful when she says this to me. I don't think it's so much the reminder that I can't have children as it is the fact that she is my mother and she is being so insensitive about it. Surely of all people my mother should be the one supporting me and not rubbing my face in it?I'm starting to resent her for it. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 June 2016):
 I have PCOS and, whilst I don't have or want biological children, it's actually very possible. PCOS makes it harder and usually take longer, but it is quite common for people with PCOS to have one or more children. If *you* want children, speak to a different doctor - a lot of the information has changed since you were in your early 20s; that was 10+ years ago, believe me, it's changed! God may very well want a child or more for you, but you need to help it along by having up-to-date info on it; you could probably still conceive without any IVF.
However, if you definitely *don't* want children, politely tell your mother you appreciate that she wants you to, but you don't want to and you need her to back off. If you do want children, don't give up yet.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 June 2016):
 oh sweetie HUGS.
as women even in the 21st century there are people that think our ONLY reason for being here is to procreate.
I have a friend who did conceive without trying after 10 years who has PCOS but she had weight loss surgery before that happened (and that does have bearing on it)
I don't blame you for being resentful and wanting to figure out how to deal with mom's insensitivity. I know she loves you (as all mom's do) to the best of her ability but clearly her best is not enough (and that's ok too)
So what you do is say to her "mom I love you and I understand how you feel but my getting pregnant is no longer open for discussion. From now on if you bring it up, the conversation and interaction for that day is over"
THEN you have to stick to it.
IF you call her and she says anything about getting pregnant you say "sorry mom I warned you we are done for today talk to you tomorrow" and hang up if on the phone or LEAVE the location if you are out with her.
IF she is at your home MAKE HER LEAVE.
The next day you call her and act like nothing happened. IF she brings it up again...you say the exact same thing and leave again.
eventually she will learn that her mentioning pregnancy will make you go poof.
BUT you MUST do this 100% or it won't work.
the other option is to say "mom you no longer are welcome in my life because of your inability to respect me as an adult"
and then cut her off.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 June 2016):
 I love children. I spend quite a bit of my personal time volunteering with children. But my 4 children will not likely give me grandchildren. It is difficult for me to not say insensitive things. But I know that children right now would not be good for them. Despite what they were made for. I want my adult children to be happy. That is number one. If that happiness does not include marriage and children, that is Okay. If some day they grow to the point of being ready for that, I'm sure they will find that family life brings them joy. But for now the best thing I can do to insure their happiness is to not pressure them to make that decision too soon.
You are people of Faith Tell your Mother it is in Gods hands and you appreciate her prayers.
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A
female
reader, confused76  +, writes (6 June 2016):
My sister in-law has pcos and she had 2 beautiful boys. Maybe you should get more medical advice if you want to have children. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2016): I have PCOS and I can have kids. Your doctor was TOO HARSH when he initially explained your condition.
PCOS is actually an endocrine disease that has more to do with insulin than reproductive organs.
I eat right (fresh fruit, vegetables, avoid processed food, wheat, sugar, red meat...) and exercise (cardio, pilates, weight training, swimming... not all at the same time ;) and have regular periods. The only symptom I have is some facial hair :( which is a bummer.
I easily gain weight so I have to watch out.
I know that your mum may seem boring but SEE ANOTHER DOCTOR!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2016): I have pcos myself and have managed to have a child , maybe you should sit down with your mother for a talk , ask her whats her fear for you if you dont have children , to me it sounds like shes wants you to have what she has but shes worried it wont happen and is pushing while your on the right side of 35. She sounds fearful and is dealing with it the only way she knows how . once she has explained her side you can explain yours and say when its ment to be it will happen and when your ready she will be the first to know but the more she pushes and brings the subject up the more your being put off the idea of children. You have then told her to back off in a polite way and reassured her that when your ready you will involve her in a way that suits you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 June 2016):
 Your mother could be right. My daughter was finally diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. She now has two beautiful children 7 and 4.
It might be worth taking further medical advice if you would like to have children.
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