A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, I love him with all my heart we match a lot and sometimes I forget that he is older than me. I don't know how to react to friends and make them see how I love this guy. I believe that he is my soul mate and I want people to see that. Ive never dated a guy that older so im new to this and I want to make it work. He is super clean, eats healthy and goes to the gym, so he is in better shape than I am. Most importantly he has a job. Anyone who has a successful or who knows a couple that has a big age gap that are still strong now? I just need a little encouragement to carry on with him before I make huge sacrifices.
View related questions:
soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (6 April 2016):
There are 12 years between my uncle and my aunt, and they've been together for 30 years. That said, they met when she was already in her late twenties/early thirties. Age matters less when you get older, because after your brain development is completed, that's basically all we can do: get older (and maybe a bit wiser, if we're lucky).
Nine years at your age is still quite a big gap. That said, it doesn't have to be a bad one. Just be extra vigilant about your boundaries, as us older people have had more time to learn how to manipulate. I also wonder about his friends. Why do you feel you have to prove your love for your bf to them? If they're not welcoming and said bf doesn't care, it's not the age gap that's giving you pause.
Also, what sacrifices are you talking about, exactly.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 April 2016):
 Numbers are very important things. The number of dollars in your bank account, the number of years you could spend in jail, the number of people who vote for a candidate. Whenever someone says Just a number, I cringe inside. Numbers define our world, but some numbers mean more than others. I guarantee that if you said he was 9 years younger than you no one here would be saying that it was "just a number". But on the other hand if you were 9 years older that 9 year difference would mean much less than it does now. This is good news because you will both be older, and the differences will lessen with time, and shared experiences.
It is interesting that we all seem to be focusing on the "huge sacrifices" you perceive in this relationship. That really is the question here. Is it worth the Sacrifices to you? We are worried, you should be as well.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 April 2016):
 Until my husband's birthday in June I am 14 years older than he is right now.
IT works for us but a. we do have very different taste in music as FA said. and other things as well.
but it works for us.
age after a certain point is just a number.
I too wonder what "Huge sacrifices" you would be making to make this work.
Regardless of age gap no one should be making HUGE sacrifices for any relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2016): Age is just a number. Don't go crazy about it. Enjoy what you have and forget about other people think. But what about those Huge sacrifices? Would be worth it?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2016): What matters most in a relationship isn't necessarily age but whether you are both on the same page. I met my partner when he was 36 and I was 44. We had similar goals and lifestyles. Neither wanted children, both wanted a more secure future (we bought house) and we both have hobbies we can indulge. A decade on we're still happy and still on the same page.I too am curious about the huge sacrifices you mention. Are you going to have to give up your education, your family, what? I'm guessing but as you are in your early 20s and him 30s it's likely that he wants more stability, marriage and children maybe? At 20 that can be a lot to take on and yes it would require sacrifices on your part but only you know whether it's right for you. No-one on here can say whether your relationship will succeed or not as it's down to each individual. I would say that if you have any doubts at all don't make a long term commitment to this man. I was married in my early 20s and it was a big mistake.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 April 2016):
This is an age old question. Young women seeking a more mature man, or rather a man more mature than the ones their age. The strong points you list for him are all things related to maturity. A job, clean and healthy habits and so on. What are the things that are causing your doubt? I'll guess a few. No music in common. Not social enough. Not exciting. When a 20 year old commits to a 30 year old she gives up some opportunities in exchange for perceived stability. Hopefully the stability will continue.
This is not something we can answer for you. You will have to decide if you are prepared to give those things ("huge sacrifices") up forever. It is the regrets that break these relationships. Usually the older man is the one to suffer. Be sure before you proceed.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 April 2016):
 If he’s good for you then being with him will be natural and there should be plenty of time for you two to demonstrate why you are good together.
What sort of huge sacrifices are going to be needed in order for you to keep seeing him?
There are many people who have had successful age gap relationships; the real question for me is what “huge sacrifices” and expected of you in this particular one. More info needed, thanks! :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2016): My mom is nine years older then my dad,they've been together for over twenty years.
...............................
|
