A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My guy and I have a lot of problems, one of them being that I feel he doesn't show he cares when it really matters. Today we were sitting in a classroom that was incredibly cold. I was taking a test online and couldn't leave the desk. At times I got so cold that I would have to breathe on my fingers because they were getting so numb. My guy got up at one point and went to grab a jacket. Seeing as he already had one on, I thought he was bringing it to me, especially since I had just gotten done breathing on my fingers. But to my surprise and anger, he put it on top of his other one without saying a word to me. Since we had had a fight minutes before, I didn't say anything. After finishing my test, I told him I was angry that he didn't offer me a jacket, especially since he had had two. He response was that he was cold and that I could have asked for it. At one point he said something along the lines of "it's not bad to be selfish" and at that point I left because I was furious. Was I in the wrong here? I didn't ask for the jacket because I was mad, but I also feel like he should have at least offered. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (2 March 2016):
As you said, you both had an argument before. There are left over emotions from this so I would not read too much into this.
The issue is , asking someone to show how much they care is too vague. Be specific and tell him what you need.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 March 2016):
 I think you were wrong as well. If he could leave his desk to get a jacket then so could you.
It just seems like you're fishing for things to be angry about so you can be the wronged party and he will spend eternity owing you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 March 2016):
 You where in the wrong yes, he is not a mind reader. He felt cold so got himself a jacket. If you wanted it and you had asked for it from him then he probably would have gave it to you without caring. But the thing is you said you where already mad with him as you both had an argument, therefore the both of your emotions where running high, am sure the last thing on his mind was to give you his jacket because use had only had an argument. He is not a mind reader, you need to ask him these things. He cannot just be expected to know that you wanted his second jacket. It is not his responsibility to keep you warm, it is your own.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 March 2016):
 Did I understand correctly that the reason that you didn't ask for a jacket was because you were so mad at him that you wouldn't talk to him?
You ask were you in the wrong. Well I'm willing to say that withholding (communication, affection, sex) is no way to build a relationship. I will also say that any man who doesn't give his second coat to another is not much of a MAN.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 March 2016):
 I agree. HE did nothing wrong.
While you might have thought he was paying attention to your welfare, he was paying attention the his own work and the fact that HE was cold.
If the is a common thing for the classroom to be cold PACK an extra sweater.
I get that you were disappointed that he wasn't being chivalrous and kind and noticing you discomfort, but this is who he is.
I agree with Codewarrior - You are NOT entitled to be waited on hand and foot by your BF.
Last but not least, you are a GROWN woman, and he isn't your mother. While your mom without doubt would have thought of your welfare first, he didn't. You are not some helpless little princess.
We had our heater go out a few weeks back and house got COLD, all the extra blankets were allocated to the kids rooms. I didn't get one for hubby, he didn't get a spare for me. Because we are BOTH grown up and can get our own.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 March 2016):
 He is right. If you are cold and want his jacket, tell him : I am cold and want your jacket. ( Actually , tell the school stuff to crank up the heating. " Hey guys, it's too cold in here, we can't even type properly ! " )
Yes you were blowing on your fingers - maybe he did not notice, he was immersed in his thoughts or thinking about his test. Or he noticed and he did not draw the conclusion that you were freezing stiff. Blowing on your fingers may mean anything from " itsy bitsy cold in here, my fingers are a little coldish " to " I am freezing to death and need extra warmth instantly to avoid hypothermia ".
Being attentive does not mean that one must be forever watching, and interpreting, all your verbal and non verbal signals of discomfort. Even a normally attentive boyfriend will reasonably expect that if something is the matter, you will open your mouth and talk. Not all of us are sensitive the very same way to cold, warmth, humidity, dust, wind and what not, people have different levels of tolerance , you can't blame someone for not guessing yours.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 March 2016):
 He's right. IF you wanted a jacket you should have asked for a jacket.
Men (and women) are NOT mind readers.
Just because YOU were cold does not mean he knew it.
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