A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Somehow, I keep getting this feeling that my boyfriend has a crush on his best friend's fiance.My boyfriend constantly bickers with his best friend's fiance. When I listen and watch them bicker back and forth, I feel it ressembles an old married couple's bickers. Their words are not hurtful but they seem to enjoy getting on each other's nerves. I've seen then argue with other people and in no way does it ressemble how the both of them bicker. They bicker about anything and everything. My boyfriend tells me how much he dislikes her, but I don't know why I don't believe him. Maybe because I see how happy he is and how much he enjoys bickering with her... same on her end. Also, when my boyfriend and I first dated she used to always take her phone and take pictures of my boyfriend and I... Randomly she will start taking picture after picture of us sitting, eating, talking, kissing.. to a point where it really annoyed me and I had to tell her to stop.Do you think I'm over thinking this or do they in some way have a crush on each other?
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best friend, crush, fiance, kissing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 April 2016):
 On a side note, he's probably told you that he dislikes her because he knows that you do, and he doesn't want to get into any kind of trouble with you. The safest thing is to take your side, so just say "oh I can't stand her".
If this girl is causing all this trouble between you two then might I suggest that you all cut down on your interactions. Tell your boyfriend how's much this is affecting you. He probably doesn't realize it himself. You clearly don't like her so why do you even spend time with her and her fiance?
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (6 April 2016):
I don't think he dislikes her because if he did then all of you wouldn't hang out as much as you did. He probably has some kind of comfort level with her which you're mistaking as a crush. My guess is that he's known her longer than he's known you and hence they know each other well enough to take liberties with each other
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2016): Well I think you're way over thinking it. My brother and I love to banter so you could call their bickering more like siblings than a romantic frisson. I can imagine that he said he dislikes her because you asked him about it and not wanting to upset you he said he didn't like her. What would you have said if he said he DID like her? He probably knows you have a thing about her and doesn't want to upset you. It doesn't mean he has a crush on her. Taking pictures is something people do all the time and it wasn't as if she was dragging him off and taking selfies with him, is it? She took pictures of you both. I don't think you should play games and be distant from him to see if he comes running. That wouldn't work for anyway me as I'd just ignore it, think you were immature, (given your age) and also given your jealousies perhaps start looking elsewhere.Presumably you chat to other guys and have a laugh with them, don't you? It doesn't mean anything, does it! What you should also do is try and put it to the back of your mind.My partner works with loads of young women and he's always chatting, laughing and flirting with them because that's what I do too. It means nothing in fact it's good to let your partner have fun with other people. I was once in a relationship where I didn't feel able to do that so I ended it pretty quickly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2016): Rather than dishing out helpful advice, some are jumping to conclusions that are in no way helpful. We are here to help and listen, not to indirectly insult those who search for advice.You are worried, and I absolutely understand you. Sometimes we have no way to tell our intuition from mere paranoia. The only way to make yourself feel better, is to create a situation where you can be reassured that you are most important to him. A way to do that, is also actually a good way to refresh his interest in you. And it's simple... You need to keep yourself busy WITHOUT him, for a bit. Create situations where you have no time for him for a little while. Plan to grab a coffee with some old friends, get some unfinished business done, have some YOU time. Don't over-share the details about the time you have spent away from him. Be a little more distant than usual, and try to be a little less accessible. And then observe... If he is reaching out and becomes a little insecure about you being too busy to talk to him 24/7 for a week, then EVEN if he does enjoy these little fights they have, YOU are important to him, and that's all that matter. In relationships, you cannot expect *all* of the person's interest to be directed solely at you. You have to learn to feel confident about your own role in his life. If you cannot gain that confidence, it will eventually end up destroying your relationship. The problem is, that it usually takes long, so a lot of time is wasted.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 April 2016):
 So what you have said here is that you are insecure in your relationship. You think that you are not enough to keep your boy friends attention. You think that he is so great that other, attached, women are after him. You are jealous of every glance and word that he spends on someone else. You refuse to believe that he choose you, and that he dislikes her.
Is that any way to treat the person you call Boyfriend? Are these suspicions and jealousies going to build up your relationship, or will they tear it down?
Let me tell you something that should be obvious to you. Your boyfriend is a great guy. You wouldn't have chosen him if he wasn't. A great guy wouldn't lie to you. As a Great Guy he choose you. That means that he really thinks you are something special, he is probably right. Do you need more evidence than that?
Bickering is not a sign of attraction, except in cheap romance novels.
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