| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Do women ever regret dumping a nice guy for a jerk?
Q. my question is do women, ever look back an wonder? they have been in a relationship for a while and the guy isn't very nice to them, not a gentleman or romantic, before him they were seeing a guy who was, but he wasn't a challenge,they thought he ...
A. 9 February 2017: Some times I reply quite quickly without double reading the Original post. The women have covered very well the topic of Nice Guys. you may need to pick through it to get all of the information you might need.
The trouble is there are guys who ... (read in full...)
Do women ever regret dumping a nice guy for a jerk?
Q. my question is do women, ever look back an wonder? they have been in a relationship for a while and the guy isn't very nice to them, not a gentleman or romantic, before him they were seeing a guy who was, but he wasn't a challenge,they thought he ...
A. 9 February 2017: Regret? Not enough to not do it again after the foolish nice guy takes her back.
Work on yourself and don't worry about encouraging karma. The truth is that most gals who date abusive men, continue to date more abusive men.... (read in full...)
Concerned about my sex life and I need some advice
Q. I have been in a relationship with my now fiance' for 2 1/2 years. Our sex life was great until we moved in with each other 1 year ago. I am not sure what but something changed. I have been open and honest about my feelings and my need, she says she ...
A. 8 February 2017: This is not the first promise. But I have no trouble with giving it another try. I give too many extra chances. I would seriously avoid pregnancy if I were in your shoes. ... (read in full...)
Slept with my best friend, My boyfriend is hurt, help?
Q. My best friend Michael and I always hang out on his bed and play video games, watch movies, listen to music, do work, or just talk. Last night we were just watching tv and taking about past senerios and we hit some that are sensitive to me and I ...
A. 7 February 2017: I am glad that you see clearly what you have done. Good luck with your lunch date today. What you are facing in a possible reconciliation after a physical affair is a very long and hard path. If you decide together to pursue this path you will ... (read in full...)
Does this married man fancy me?
Q. Does this matried man just like me or do you think he wants more? Reasons I think he does: Caught him staring at me and he smiled and shook his head a little. Saw him looking out of the corner of my eye and when I turned my head he averted his ...
A. 7 February 2017: His wife has every reason to be paranoid. His behavior is shocking. Perhaps I was wrong to suggest talking to her. The next obvious method is to stay physically close to your husband when this other man is around. You also need to do more than ... (read in full...)
Is it likely that we will get in trouble for being together?
Q. My boyfriend is 17 and I am 15, we go to the same highschool and we were not looking for love when we found it. In my state I know that the age of consent is 16, but he will turn 18 before I turn 16. We are both concerned that we will get in t...
A. 7 February 2017: There is a law about crossing state lines after he turns 18. Other than that I can't think of any legal trouble you could get into if you aren't sexual.... (read in full...)
Concerned about my sex life and I need some advice
Q. I have been in a relationship with my now fiance' for 2 1/2 years. Our sex life was great until we moved in with each other 1 year ago. I am not sure what but something changed. I have been open and honest about my feelings and my need, she says she ...
A. 7 February 2017: So the reason you moved in together before marriage was to test your compatibility. Test is over. You don't like living with this new lower level of sexual activity. Count yourself lucky that you know before children.... (read in full...)
Does this married man fancy me?
Q. Does this matried man just like me or do you think he wants more? Reasons I think he does: Caught him staring at me and he smiled and shook his head a little. Saw him looking out of the corner of my eye and when I turned my head he averted his ...
A. 6 February 2017: Apparently as a married woman you have spent a lot of time and energy thinking about and observing this man.
This is not just playing with fire, This is juggling Nitro glycerin. Statistics say that you are most likely to be attacked by a pers... (read in full...)
If I was happy, I wouldn't have had cybersex with the guy online. Anyone got advice? Should I tell my bf about what I did?
Q. I became friends with this guy online. The conversations started off as topics about forums (met on a forum so) memes, YouTube, just general Internet stuff really. However, it slowly got a little flirtatious, and last night, I was drinking and we ...
A. 6 February 2017: You are at the age where you should be making the decision about the future not your Dad. I consider your Dads opinion as Good Advice. Cheating is possible the meanest way to end a relationship. But it happens so often there is a name for it. ... (read in full...)
Is it still bad if someone cheats but has no feelings for that person?
Q. What are some of the downsides to a man cheating on his GF with someone he doesn't have any emotional attachment to? If he doesn't care for the girl he's having sex with, like her as a person, or anything, then shouldn't it be okay to cheat ph...
A. 6 February 2017: I'll answer your question with a question.
Is this the relationship you always dreamed of? Did you always hope to be the most important woman of all the women in his life?
Or, do you Deserve more?... (read in full...)
Slept with my best friend, My boyfriend is hurt, help?
Q. My best friend Michael and I always hang out on his bed and play video games, watch movies, listen to music, do work, or just talk. Last night we were just watching tv and taking about past senerios and we hit some that are sensitive to me and I ...
A. 6 February 2017: Dear Original poster,
There comes a time when mollycoddling is no longer helpful and the only thing that will help you is the bare bold truth.
Many foolish women are under the false belief that they can be close friends with men, and that there wi... (read in full...)
Why do men say they need porn?
Q. Why do people so often say men need porn when it's clearly a want not a need. No man has ever died of lack of porn and although men may prefer porn to masturbate with porn , men for thousands of years masturbated without the hardcore porn available ...
A. 3 February 2017: Reversing the insensitivity is not going to help. Affirmative action dating?
Nowdays women are declaring a need for variety. They just want security while they explore.
If you keep making hurt feelings a capital crime you are going to have a l... (read in full...)
Why do men say they need porn?
Q. Why do people so often say men need porn when it's clearly a want not a need. No man has ever died of lack of porn and although men may prefer porn to masturbate with porn , men for thousands of years masturbated without the hardcore porn available ...
A. 31 January 2017: I sense a personal issue here. There are other forums for political discussion.
I focused on your problem. Or rather the problem you are alluding to without actually owning it. Now it would be presumptuous of me to guess what your actual situ... (read in full...)
Why do men say they need porn?
Q. Why do people so often say men need porn when it's clearly a want not a need. No man has ever died of lack of porn and although men may prefer porn to masturbate with porn , men for thousands of years masturbated without the hardcore porn available ...
A. 31 January 2017: You say I am trivializing, I claim you are exaggerating. You started the trivialization by saying that no man has ever died from missing pornography. That is a very low threshold. Thus my claim that you are quibbling (arguing over the meaning of ... (read in full...)
My manager wants me to cancel my nonrefundable vacation for work!
Q. Long story short, I back up one of my colleagues whenever she goes on vacation. We're in different departments. I'm happy to do so and she always only takes one day off at a time anyway. Anything that requires her expertise that I cannot handle ...
A. 31 January 2017: I've been a small employer in the US. My advice is to go to your employer with the papers in your hand showing how much you will lose by rescheduling your vacation. Explain that it really isn't a matter of convenience, but the only way you will ... (read in full...)
Dad told me if I dated this guy he would kick me out
Q. I am 19 years old. Im a college student. There's a guy I like who is 24, I get along with great because we share the same interests. He likes me back. Though I can't date him for two reasons: 1 were related by marriage (no blood) 2 my dad said if...
A. 31 January 2017: How do you get over this guy, or any guy? Time and distance are the key. What Andie wrote is right. Demote him and Limit the things you talk about. Emotional distance is as important as physical distance. Let me add a few things not to talk ... (read in full...)
I want a prettier girlfriend who cares about being fit and healthy. What do I need to do?
Q. I want a prettier girlfriend. I've been with mine for a few years now and it seems wrong to leave. I love her but the lack of effort (exercise counts) is making me less attracted to her. Bringing it up makes me the bad guy. What should I do?...
A. 30 January 2017: Anonymous Litigator asks,
"What should I do?"
You should break off the relationship for the reasons you have been advised.
You should live single for a period of at least 10% of the time you have been together.
You should use that time to wor... (read in full...)
I don't understand the attitude of my hook-up
Q. My hook up and I kept trying to make plans to, well you know, hook up, but he kept cancelling on me because something came up that he had to take care of. Anyway he apologized for being confusing lately (which idk what that really meant) but I...
A. 30 January 2017: From the tenor of your post I'm guessing you are exclusive. That makes you a bit more than Hook ups. You are also starting to get emotionally attached.
Another question you should be asking yourself is, "is this relationship filling my need... (read in full...)
How can I end this selfishness in my marriage?
Q. Hi guys. Im just looking for a bit of advice. Im 24 years old and I married my husband last year. Lately he has been very selfish and entitalled. Every morning he is rude and angry. He always complains about having to go to work. I am so sick and ...
A. 30 January 2017: If he is the also younger than 26 this is getting to be way too common behavior. I've seen U Tube videos of women trashing their boyfriends game systems. That is drastic, and possibly counter productive. Divorce is more drastic.
Selfi... (read in full...)
Why do men say they need porn?
Q. Why do people so often say men need porn when it's clearly a want not a need. No man has ever died of lack of porn and although men may prefer porn to masturbate with porn , men for thousands of years masturbated without the hardcore porn available ...
A. 30 January 2017: You're quibbling. Women don't "need" shoes. No woman has ever died of lack of shoes. Many women prefer to walk with shoes, some prefer a lot of shoes. Many women have walked thousands of miles without shoes Certainly not the kind of shoes we ... (read in full...)
How can I get the physical affection aspect re-started in our relationship? The cuddles have stopped.
Q. Hi everyone. I'm not sure what to do. My husband and I mostly have a great relationship, but for the last few months he seems to touch me only for sex. I like sex, but I'm starting to resent it and not want to have it when it seems to be the only...
A. 29 January 2017: His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Get it and read it to him if you have to. Most people get "needy" when they are starving. It is available in e book , printed , or audible.... (read in full...)
I ranted about a friend to another friend and he told her what I said!
Q. A very good male friend and I used to work at the same workplace with another woman. A few months ago this woman told me to join her new company as we had all been made redundant. I got a job there a few months after her but she failed to tell me ...
A. 25 January 2017: Small minds talk about People.
Average minds talk about Events.
Great minds talk about Ideas.
Avoid gossiping and you will avoid this kind of trouble.... (read in full...)
Is it degrading to let a guy ejaculate on you?
Q. When I was 15, my mother sat me down and had "the talk". She is very open and liberal, so we ended up talking about everything from sex and birth control to relationships and life in general. One of the things she was adamant about was that por...
A. 23 January 2017: That is a very well written question and it seems you have thought this out very well. An act is degrading or not, not based on what exactly is done but by the emotions surrounding it. If he does it to "mark his territory" that's a bit risky, ... (read in full...)
She has helped me a lot through some difficult times. Would it be acceptable to send her flowers as a thank you?
Q. I have a female friend who I have known since I was 4, she is the same age as me and although we lost contact for a number of years. We are back in contact. Whenever I had problems she always knew what to say and since being back in touch she has...
A. 23 January 2017: Sending flowers on Valentines day says, "I'm romantically interested in you." That is how she will see in no matter your intention.
If you want to say "thank you for being a great friend, and being there for me. Send a thank you card and get ... (read in full...)
I lied to my husband about maxing out my credit card and he found out
Q. So today my husband found out that i maxed my (our) credit card. He was upset by this. Which i dont blame him. Ive totally broken his trust in me. I was going to say that i dont know why i lied about it. But i do. I lied because he gets ver...
A. 19 January 2017: BookNerd,
That is a heartbreaking story. It is a Story of a Controlling selfish partner and a fearful lying partner.
There is plenty of fault to spread around so let me re divide it and see if you think it sounds more correct.
He is guilty of... (read in full...)
Do good relationships go through this?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 7 months. From the moment I met him I felt that he was the one I would marry. We have been through a lot in the last year. My Nan got cancer (she is okay now), my Grandfather passed away, and I was ...
A. 19 January 2017: Thanks for the follow up Steffy. I have a bit to add.
When women are in difficulties they tend to team up to solve the problem. You and your mom are a team. you rarely mention each of you separately. It is always "us". You two against the ... (read in full...)
This bothers me a lot. What can I do? Married nearly 15 years and now my wife is no longer interested in Bjs.
Q. Been married for nearly 15 years. My wife has basically decided that she will no longer perform oral sex on me. It's not like I was getting once a week, in fact once every two years is more like the current rate. When we first married, it was some...
A. 18 January 2017: So it was bait and very slow switch. and you would be perfectly justified in filing for divorce over this. it won't get you out of paying support in whatever way you are liable for in your area, but it would give you a second chance to find a ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend told me that I have 'dry 10 second sex'!
Q. My girlfriend told me that I have "Dry 10 second sex" and I took it as a insult because to me it felt like she was saying that she doesn't enjoy my sex anymore. I told her how I felt and tried to move past it but I just couldn't it makes me feel ...
A. 18 January 2017: Thanks Greyscreetch for following up. with more information we can give better advice.
Both of our previous replies apply to your situation. I was right at least as much as you are sexually incompatible. Her drive is much higher than your... (read in full...)
Family issues. What should I do? Apologise and stick to my plans? Or cancel my holiday?
Q. I have, it seems, caused an enormous family rift. I booked a holiday for 2 weeks at the start of February - it had been booked a while but I told family over Christmas what my plans were. This is the first holiday I have had in 7 years so it means...
A. 18 January 2017: You asked "what should I do?"
You are 40 years old, Cut the umbilical cord!... (read in full...)
Do good relationships go through this?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 7 months. From the moment I met him I felt that he was the one I would marry. We have been through a lot in the last year. My Nan got cancer (she is okay now), my Grandfather passed away, and I was ...
A. 18 January 2017: "Soul Mates" Don't constantly fight.
The concept of a "Soul Mate" is fictional.
You have grown up in a dysfunctional family, and you have followed the pattern to create a dysfunctional relationship. You should listen to your counselor more.
Y... (read in full...)
My girlfriend told me that I have 'dry 10 second sex'!
Q. My girlfriend told me that I have "Dry 10 second sex" and I took it as a insult because to me it felt like she was saying that she doesn't enjoy my sex anymore. I told her how I felt and tried to move past it but I just couldn't it makes me feel ...
A. 18 January 2017: Number one, Don't be a whiner. If you are insecure it is not because she said something it is because you reacted poorly to what she said. Being stronger is More Attractive.
Number 2, how can dryness possibly be the man's fault?
Number 3, Why d... (read in full...)
I live at home and my Mum won't let me clean it up, its a biohazard mess!
Q. It's a long story, but I got laid off from my job last year and I live at home with my mom. I feel like I've failed at life and this wasn't how I thought I would turn out, but this is just background information. What's going on is that I'm ...
A. 17 January 2017: Hoarding is an irrational fear of losing things. A Phobia. Rational Ideas will not solve an irrational mind. Of Course you OCD is similar. You may be able to bargain with mom. "I"m going to go get dishes out of this room. You can check them ... (read in full...)
I don't fantasize about other men so is it wrong that I feel upset that my husband uses porn?
Q. I've read a lot of information on porn use following some tension between my husband and I over his use of it . When we first married I did tell him that I was not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who used porn and he assured me he ...
A. 12 January 2017: Your complete lack of "interest in movie stars , romance novels or chick flicks" is unique. Your feelings about Porn are not. M any women have the same feelings you do. Obsessive use of Pornography is not healthy for any relationship. ... (read in full...)
His way of proposing really shocked me. Am I right to feel it was disappointing?
Q. How do I get past being disappointed by my finance's wedding proposal? So I recently turned 30 and my boyfriend couldn't get the day off from work so we celebrated the day before he took me out for dinner and drinks and we stayed out till gone mid...
A. 10 January 2017: I'm going to try again. Just in case the OP is still reading, and I hope she is because this is all good advice. But please don't use the words "first Grader" when talking to him about his proposal. Trust me that is not going to go over well.
O... (read in full...)
His way of proposing really shocked me. Am I right to feel it was disappointing?
Q. How do I get past being disappointed by my finance's wedding proposal? So I recently turned 30 and my boyfriend couldn't get the day off from work so we celebrated the day before he took me out for dinner and drinks and we stayed out till gone mid...
A. 10 January 2017: Here is my biased, but experienced opinion on this.
Number 1 - He had no way of knowing what was in your dreams and hopes. This was his way of expressing himself. Do you not like the Him that IS him?
Number 2 - Many young starry eyed romantic... (read in full...)
Can a seven year relationship be over because of a lie said 6 years ago? Am I completely in the wrong here ?
Q. My Partner [30 F] of 7 years broke up with me [32 M]for lying. She found out I met my son (1year old at the time) when I was abroad 6 years ago. Myself and my partner had just broken up at the time so I was single when abroad. I never told her I...
A. 10 January 2017: She is abusive and controlling. Sure she will be back. This kind of person never easily releases their victims. The real question which has been stated many times already is "Why do you want her back?"... (read in full...)
Why is my ex boyfriend still so angry at me?
Q. why is my ex boyfriend still so angry at me? He broke off our relationship six months ago for no reason that I could see. When I asked him all he could say was that he wanted someone who was the same every day. Makes no sense as I am always i...
A. 5 January 2017: Wow that was a bad spell correction when I wrote "Breakups are ridicule at any stage" I intended "Breakups are difficult at any stage" Although his comment could be seen as ridicule . . . . ... (read in full...)
Help, please? I don't want to hurt my friends, but we all like the same guy. What should I do?
Q. Hi, I'm 13 and I'm in a bit of a love triangle... Well.. Love square. My two best friends like the same boy, and they have for ages now. And guess what? Now I'm in the picture, I like him too. And the thing is, he likes me. I feel bad for my...
A. 5 January 2017: Honestly, this is a case where the Girls code points the way to happiness and safety. Never date a boy your friends have dated, or are crushing on. They are being very nice to you but there is hidden pain in them. Let this one go. Tell the boy ... (read in full...)
Heartbroken, but I want to forgive him. What are my options? Found out my Bf has been cheating.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years. Lately he has been acting weird and always on Snapchat and never responds to my text but responds to me on Snapchat. One day he left his Snapchat logged in on my iPad and I became curious. ...
A. 5 January 2017: What you should do very first is get tested for STD's. Number one priority is to insure your own safety. The second thing you should do is stop having sex with him until he is tested.
So you want to forgive him. That is very generous of you.... (read in full...)
Why is my ex boyfriend still so angry at me?
Q. why is my ex boyfriend still so angry at me? He broke off our relationship six months ago for no reason that I could see. When I asked him all he could say was that he wanted someone who was the same every day. Makes no sense as I am always i...
A. 5 January 2017: Not enough information. If it makes you feel better you could believe that he wanted someone else, and had to find an excuse to explain to you that he wanted someone who was different than you. Or that he wanted someone (specific) and it wasn't ... (read in full...)
My partner is very into camping and shoes no interest in getting to know my best friend at all! Advice?
Q. Hi. My partner and I have been together for just over two years (2 and a half years in March 2017).. My partner and I are both only children. I'm 23, partner is 22. My partner is fully into camping, 4wding. He goes with just me, or we go w...
A. 28 December 2016: I understand from your latest follow up that he is not an equal financial or housework partner, but that is not the part that bothers you. The emotional need you are most missing is recreational companionship. Not because you don't do things ... (read in full...)
Mom told me I can't see my boyfriend. Should I take a taxi and go there?
Q. I want to go to my boyfriends house, but my mom told me I can't tomorrow! I looked at taxi services in my area and was wondering should I call a taxi and go to his house without my mom knowing and then come back home before she gets home?? ...
A. 28 December 2016: We need more information before answering this question. In general I would never advise a person in your age range to disobey their parent. But, I would never advise a parent to try to restrain a teenager in this way either. My teenaged children ... (read in full...)
My partner is very into camping and shoes no interest in getting to know my best friend at all! Advice?
Q. Hi. My partner and I have been together for just over two years (2 and a half years in March 2017).. My partner and I are both only children. I'm 23, partner is 22. My partner is fully into camping, 4wding. He goes with just me, or we go w...
A. 27 December 2016: Thanks for the follow up. You did well to stand your ground on this one. I am still worried about your imbalanced relationship. You have invested too much in a relationship where there is not enough shared interest. I'm worried about his ... (read in full...)
My partner is very into camping and shoes no interest in getting to know my best friend at all! Advice?
Q. Hi. My partner and I have been together for just over two years (2 and a half years in March 2017).. My partner and I are both only children. I'm 23, partner is 22. My partner is fully into camping, 4wding. He goes with just me, or we go w...
A. 26 December 2016: Nice Freudian slip in your title.
I would say that you are not ready for the level of commitment your Guy is interested in. And While you find him exciting, you really aren't compatible with him.
Your relationship is forced and uncomfor... (read in full...)
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